#and OH I wanted to draw fanart so badly - But I didn't dare to do it. I was afraid to be self-indulgent

[burymeinwillow]

Everytime I draw Joe Cartwright I get overwhelmed with the desire to only ever draw Joe

#you dont understand #my hyperfixation with Bonanza started around 2014-2015 but I didn't start to draw fanart of Joe or Bonanza until like... 2018. #It's hard to explain but back then I was TERRIFIED of drawing Joe cause I was afraid I would draw him wrong and get discouraged by- #not being a talented enough artist #and OH I wanted to draw fanart so badly - But I didn't dare to do it. I was afraid to be self-indulgent #Going YEARS and wanting so badly to draw my favorite character but being scared to do it... compared to know #I'm way more self-indulgent than I was- and now I'm drawing Bonanza Fanart and being indulgent in it and it makes me beyond happy #It makes me so happy I'm actually crying #I draw Joe Cartwright and it just makes me so unbelieveably happy... happy that I CAN do it. Happy that I am talented enough. #Being talented doesn't even really matter - Happy that I learned to be self-indulgent and HAVE FUN. and most of that is thanks to Juni. #I could write a whole damn essay on how much it means to me #so yes drawing Joe makes me so very happy #im not crying - not at all