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rainymoodlet · 3 months

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🌧 rainymoodlet is in full hiatus mode! 🌧

hoo... absolutely sick to my stomach writing this. ✌ for more information, please read below! thank you all for following my stories, loving my bachelor challenge, and loving my little pixels as much as i do. 😊

Well, my darling fellow simblrs... it's happened. It's been a bit of a long time coming over the past few months, but I've finally decided to put my blog into a permanent sort of "hiatus mode". I am a person who is riddled with executive dysfunction and lack of self-control, and I know that if I don't legitimately cut myself off from Simblr™ and the disassociation it's allowed me, I will. not. quit. 😅

I originally joined Simblr back in 2021 during a really difficult and isolated time in my life. I haven't been able to speak much to it because of the legal issues it's tied up in, but Simblr became my escape whilst in the throes of seeking justice against my abuser in a time where my entire family had abandoned me, and my fiance and I were living alone in my parents' house with only the two of us to swirl in deep and massive depression. Sims has always been my escape; from 2004 onward, it has given me narrative control and visual fantasy for as long as I can remember, and it will always be a deeply comforting and "safe" game for me.

But when I joined Simblr, it was out of many of the reasons that I think we can all relate to as writers and creatives. I had the idea for Loved by the Sun, and as I kept imagining and writing and building this world, I thought: "I deserve to show this to people. I really want people to see this. And I really want them to think it's good." I had been existing on the fringes of Simblr on my own personal Tumblr blog: I've seen countless legacies rise and fall, countless dramas spread out across blogs that are no longer active and haven't been for years. I wanted people to wake up and roll over and check my blog, desperate for updates, eager for more.

And more than anything, I wanted to escape the day-to-day hell I was living in.

But as the years went on, I've noticed that the excitement and creativity that drove my creation of my account has dwindled beyond measure. And I will put that on myself - starting a Bachelor Challenge like Kiss Me in Komorebi was one of the beginning nails in the coffin of my creativity and enjoyment of Simblr. I do not regret it one bit, and I am so grateful for the following it's gained and the genuine enjoyment you've all had with KMiK. It's my proudest achievement, it's pushed me to be a better editor and a better screenshot-taker, it's challenged me in my way of playing and it's introduced me to so many wonderful people.

But of course... I me'd it up. 😎

I've become obsessed to an egregious degree with the perception of my handling of this challenge. I want everyone to feel as though their sim gets enough screen-time, I want everyone to feel that the creative effort they put into submitting their sims was respected, and I desperately don't want anyone to feel left out or as though they're being ignored in favor of other contestants. It became so much less of telling Dan's story and journey, and all about how I was appearing as the Master of the Game.

And to be honest, my obsession with "staying relevant" in the fast-paced scroll of the Simblr Dashboard, believing you all would stop caring or stop reading if I didn't post as quickly as possible, was my own doom from the start, fkdfdjk.

In my life, I've had countless opportunities to turn my life around and start changing for the better. And time and time again, the energy that could have gone toward improving my situation or bettering my relationships has gone toward Simblr, and this online environment. I have practically no life beyond the screen: my days off are spent taking screenshots or spending four hours on builds that I still won't finish, obsessed over every angle, desperately seeking out that ~sparkle~ of simplicity and not-trying-too-hard I apply to all of your screenshots.

I am a dopamine and serotonin fiend, and though I can pinpoint in my life where trauma and isolation has pushed me to my online spaces, I was hyper-aware of the reality that in a few years, I won't be involved in Simblr. I won't be posting constantly, I won't care about the mods or the updates or the custom content.

And the stories I've written will be monuments to the time I've wasted, working on chasing the serotonin monster instead of bettering my own life and my own situation.

And now, I've got a real chance to do something better with my life. My fiance and I are at a crossroads of choice - we can change our lives for the better this year, or we can accept that the years of inaction we forced ourselves into out of the fear of moving forward have doomed us to a life we're not happy with. And I am one stubborn bastard when it comes to giving up.

The friendships and connections I've made here are some of the most meaningful in my life, and I hate that I've pulled back in the way I have. Along the way, it became much more about the notes, the numbers, the interaction, the reblogs over likes - and I lost myself and my friendships to my own mismanagement of my time and energy. I could spend five hours on one build, going from 7am to 12pm in a lightning speed of disassociation and obsessive Alt-clicking, and at the end of the day sit there and go...

What the hell have I done today? I could have messaged someone, I could have chatted with my friends, I could have done something. But no, I built a science lab, or a date location, and fretted the entire time until my stomach felt sick that it just "wasn't right" or wouldn't "look the way I wanted it to" in my screenshots.

I deeply, deeply love my stories, and I am so proud of them and what they've done for y'all and how you all have enjoyed them. I am incredibly lucky for the experience I've had on Simblr, and I know that there are plenty of blogs out there that sit with little interaction when they deserve so much more.

And yes, I will admit. The tendency of a 15-minute slapped together CAS edit of mine getting more notes and spotlight than the posts of my stories I've put legitimate effort into has fucked with my brain.

Simblr has changed from the story-laden place it was when I was following y'alls stories and legacies from 2015 onward. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that! Online spaces shift and change just as much as the social media sites like TikTok and Instagram, that go through trends and phases and fads and memes the same way we do. We are not above other social media in that regard, and I think there's a general sense from Simblr that we're some isolated island; we don't follow trends, we don't have fads, we don't have audio trends that get slapped on every other six-second video.

But I will raise you the Blender Phase and the Edit Phase as evidence every time.

I need to take some serious introspection time, and commit a lot of my energy to things that can bring me positive change outside of this online space. I hope to be able to come back as a better, healthier person, but to be honest, I don't really know when that will be. (Even this post is something I feel I have to do to be responsible, not just disappearing in the middle of this Challenge, leaving you all hanging djfh) I hope this doesn't come off as some high-horse rant, or leave a sour taste in y'alls mouths.

I just... I'll really miss this space. I'll miss the sims, I'll miss you guys, I'll miss your posts and your legacies and your sense of humor. I want to thank so many people, but I don't want to tag you all and shove this post into your activity streams dkfd.

I can't give any commitments to appearing more in Discord or even being present on this space - I've gone to the point of disconnecting the Chrome browser that's for rainymoodlet from my main icon bar, like I am going straight cold-turkey. I'll still be playing Sims, but I'm going to try and reconnect with it for myself - not for the screenshots, not for the stories, and not for the desperate want for people to understand what I'm posting or for it to make sense or satisfy, dfkj.

I am so, so incredibly grateful for every single one of you, and I hate to just drop this out of nowhere. But I need to do this, for me and for my future. And now I'm just sitting here like "Shannon, it's simblr, fucking chill." dkjfd I JUST... this space has done so much for me, and I genuinely feel a sense of loss in leaving. Especially in the middle of a story, fkgjfkg.

I really do genuinely love and care for you all. Please take care of yourselves, okay? Mama Shan does genuinely want the best for you, and I can't thank you enough for letting little old dorky ass me be a part of your community and your lives.

'Til next time, y'all. I'll see you soon. 💛

#txt #this will be my new pinned post.#going to go lay down on the floor for a long time now.#i feel sO SICK FUCK.#i really will miss you all so much. but i need to do this. it's like cigarettes at this point. if i don't go cold turkey... i won't quit.#i'll keep stressing abt how i'm not posting kmik or how i'm not interacting or how people are waiting and it will keep #affecting how i choose to spend my time and energy #and i just can't afford that anymore fff.#but ofc my blog will still be up!! you can still read kmik and my tjolc and everything i've posted #because gdi my contestants put a lot of effort into their sims and they deserve it #i hope i can come back to y'all in a better place 💛#2024 IS THE YEAR OF CHANGE MY DARLINGS AND I ALREADY WASTED JANUARY SO LETS GOOOO

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batwhimpix · 3 years

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Former Takarazuka Star Asumi Rio Special Interview: To Mirio, 10 Questions We Were Dying to Ask! | CLASSY

(translated by me 7/21/2021)

Bringing you the last in our series of short interviews celebrating Asumi Rio's name-bearing Hulu Original program, "Asumi Rio's Atelier." This time the topic is "10 Questions We Were Dying to Ask!" Mirio answers questions on subjects ranging from her Takarazuka era to her thoughts on marriage.

Q1 As the top star of Takarazuka's Flower Troupe, you gained an immense level of popularity. My impression talking to you is that you're a pretty understated person, but in a word, how would you describe your personality?

Hmm...Stubborn? I often get told I'm honest too, but I think I hear stubborn the most. I think it's probably because I have a very strong sense of how I want things to be, like "It has to be like this!" Even though I could really do to be a bit more flexible. Especially now that I've left Takarazuka and I'm deciding where to take my life next, I can't afford to just go with the flow. In order not to look back years from now and think, "How did I let this happen?", maybe I should be even more stubborn. (laughs) As long as I'm kind to the people around me, a little stubbornness is fine, right?

Q2 We've seen you make your skirt-wearing debut since leaving Takarazuka, and of course you look incredible in those too. How would you describe your personal fashion taste?

Since I can't dress up and go out for fun right now, I pick my clothes to suit the work I'm doing. Right after my retirement, I felt resistant toward wearing skirts. I was really nervous about being seen in them...But then I thought, "When I'm wearing one in a drama, it has to look natural!" And with that in mind, I mustered my courage and gave skirts a try. Now I've gotten to a point where I can freely choose between pants or a skirt depending on how I'm feeling each day.

Q3 You have a pet cat, Okoge-chan. What has he been up to lately?

He was staying at my parents' house until recently because I've been so busy with the dramas and theatre production. But he's home now, and it's back to being just the two of us. He's bringing me comfort everyday.

Q4 Do you have any music or artists you're really into right now? If so, shout them out!

I really never play any music at home. Of course I like music, but I end up listening to it too closely so I can't have it playing while I'm doing other things. But yesterday, I did listen to "Usseewa!" I really like the vocals, they're very easy on the ear.

Q5 What have you seen on stage recently?

I went to the closing night of my classmate Nozomi Fuuto's taidan production "fff -Fortississimo-"/"Silk Road ~Bandits and Jewels~". I was very happy I was able to see Nozomi in her graduation hakama.

Q6 What's tugged at your heartstrings recently?

There's so many things! My cat Okoge does things that make me melt everyday. In terms of work, I played Elisabeth in the Elisabeth Gala Concert the other day, and der Tod held me tight in his arms! Oh, maybe heartwarming is the wrong word for that... But in any case, I was overwhelmed with a kind of bliss I've never experienced before! I was playing a role with a son, so when my younger coworker who plays him called me "Mama," that warmed my heart as well!

Q7 If you were reincarnated, what would you want to be?

I'd want to be a human. I think I'd like to be a woman. And I would take the Takarazuka entrance exam again. With Nozomi! Actually we were together on her graduation day, tearing up like "In just a few minutes, the date will change and you won't be a Takarasienne anymore!" And the two of us were saying, "If we get reincarnated, let's hurry up and take the exam together again!" I don't really have any desire to be reborn as a man. I guess maybe because I've already experienced it through my roles. (laughs)

Q8 At your taidan press conference, you said, "I had four adorable wives (partner actresses), so I might have missed my chance for marriage." How do you feel now? Do you want to get married?

My desire to get married...I wonder where it went. (laughs) Actually, I might never have even had a time when I thought I wanted to get married someday. When I was around ken-5 (in her fifth year since her induction into the Revue), I was told by an upperclassman that I was "definitely the type to never marry." At the time I thought, "She's exactly right. I'll never marry." And since then, marriage has never once crossed my mind. If I got an offer from some rich oil baron I'd consider it, but. (laughs) Although, I say that as a joke, but over a luxurious refined lifestyle, I'd much sooner choose a path where I can say that my work is my greatest joy.

Q9 Appearing in serialized dramas for two cours in a row, you said you might be even busier now than when you were top star. What do you do to relieve stress and refresh yourself?

The simplest way is to eat something good! But to be honest, I don't really release my stress. I'm the type to condense it down, condense it down, and let it all pile up. I bottle it all up, and then release it all through my acting. I try to turn it into a more energetic performance. Even when I have a ton of stress piled up, I enjoy the feeling that "Ahh, I'm full up, I'm full capacity!" It's better not to be stressed at all, but I think it's important to fully experience this sensation as well.

Q10 First your classmate Nozomi Fuuto, and next your former partner actress Hana Yuuki announced their retirements. What did you tell them?

I'm so happy Nozomi was able to graduate without incident! First and foremost, I want her to take it easy. Moving is a hassle so I offered to help her but, always ahead of the curve in everything she does, by the time I reached out she was pretty much done. I had nothing to be worried about. (laughs) Hana has her closing night in Tokyo on July 4th. I told her before this on the phone, "Focus on what's right in front of you, and don't forget the gratitude you feel towards everyone." I'm positive it will be an excellent final performance.

Did you enjoy our last Asumi Rio special interview segment? You can see more of what the real Mirio is like on the Hulu Original program, "Asumi Rio's Atelier." Check it out!

#asumi rio #mirio #takarazuka #takarazuka og #i translated this bc i just think she's neat #that answer about relieving stress kind of scares me tho #love the marriage answer #stop asking ogs that question 2k21 #i took some liberties translating the article title bc i was trying to think what it'd be titled in an english magazine #last in a series of little fluff pieces #i love this photoshoot too #hanagumi #tkz #og #mytranslations

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