#and the idea of ''I wish I'd known you before'' is coming from benze; but it isn't a ''i wish I knew you before you were disabled'' thing

[hum--hallelujah]

no what I think the thing is is there is so much very visceral violent imagery for Benze and Crab. a FOUNDATION of their relationship is that Benze unintentionally causes pain when he's checking out Crab's months-old injury. do you trust me. and Crab doesn't realize how difficult words and touch can be for Benze and unintentionally causes pain that way before they start to figure things out. I wish we could talk. I wish I'd known you before. they're so so drawn to each other from the get go but there are so many barriers they have to get through, of pain (physical and emotional) they have to work to try and ease, mistrust and miscommunication. it's like that blood transfusion post. it isn't compatible with how much the love each other. I'd give you my very blood but it would kill you. it's better to let it bleed out. you can only survive without me. there's so much capacity for pain and hurt, but they choose to love instead.

#sorry I'm just crying about the doctor and his nurse at the mo I need to write about them soon or I shall pass away #she speaks! #ddas #and the idea of ''I wish I'd known you before'' is coming from benze; but it isn't a ''i wish I knew you before you were disabled'' thing #(even though that's how crab initially takes it) #it's a ''i wish I had been there to help'' kind of thing bc benze only meets crab AFTER the injury. AFTER the chance of a full #recovery is gone. and as a doctor and as a friend that's REALLY REALLY FRUSTRATING #he could have done something!! he could have made it better!! but he didn't KNOW #maybe that's a scene I should write. just on its own outside of any larger story #just... that scene. idk