#but forcing myself to be a Content Provider sucks. it's not working. i'm still sad. he's still dead. my friends are leaving.

[risingsunresistance]

ugh

#vent/rant ahead i just wanna say stuff: #forcing myself to draw for my friends and post content for my friends and keep Being Active just for other ppl is wearing me out #i WANT to continue to be a part of the community but. man this sucks fkjdhsg #it's entirely my fault. the situations i've put myself in that i dont wanna make public #(not just stuff related to art and content motivation but also Oops i Upset A Friend And Feel Horrible) #but it still sucks even if it is my fault #idk man im just running out of stuff to care about. everything is getting worse 🧍 #i'm sure i'll be here every once in a while but will i ever post a full drawing again? great question #clips? very very rarely #actual content? not likely #i have like. one thing i wanna post about at christmas (i know one of my gifts already). besides that uhhhhhhhh i've got nothing #might have one drawing/sketch for december but that's very up in the air #if you know my priv and wanna request go ahead. im always active there and that wont change unless twitter explodes #even if you've requested before and aren't in it now you can request again. i'll try to be more lenient with it (again this is my fault) #i doubt i could ever make myself straight up abandon this blog. i'll continue to answer asks and ramble when i want to #but forcing myself to be a Content Provider sucks. it's not working. i'm still sad. he's still dead. my friends are leaving. #i'm not gonna have anyone left by this time next year it'll just be me and the void lmao #too nervous to follow anyone new. too nervous to talk the friends i already have. cant hold a conversation to save my life #this is why i have like... 3 friends here (i think we're friends). sorry i never talk to you guys it's just Difficult :/ #and it's not getting any easier. not since june/july ! #all goat knows is talk about skyblock (getting harder to do). post link to song. and make 50 more non-rebloggable posts #chat #come back later #(to delete probably idk) #now the real question: is this all related to [current issues causing mood swings] or is this something that's been building since june #we'll see i guess #i could be fine a month or so from now. or tomorrow. or all the way in the summer. who knows #*attaches a picture of techno to make this seem slightly less miserable* jkfhdkg #i hate there being like 2000 people here. nearly 3000 i think. idk #i want to talk and rant without feeling like im making the world's worst apology video KJFDHKG i dont like having so many eyes on me