#but now I'm kinda like hmmmm you knkw what I'm not bad actually!!!

[imwritesometimes]

I think the huge chunk in the middle of my wip notebook that is just manic notes, outlines, time lines, entire chapters complete with edits from the last (almost) year that I abandoned should idk... have the decency to tear themselves out and set themselves on fire

#nothing like sitting down last night like: you know what! I am gonna try again! fck it! I CAN write! #I know I can cause I checked! I can absolutely write it's fine I'm actually pretty good at this! #and opening the notebook and looking at the cery loose wip notes and going: ok! I can work with like 80% of this! #what else is in here?!!! #that was my mistake.... I should not have looked at what else was in there #pages and pages and pages of 3 different wips I tried to make work for one ship #a couple for another #a whole fleshed out 5+1 for a beloved ship wip that I just.... gave up on #notes from the last fic I shared nearly a year ago #that was the last time my writing flowed. I could read those notes and be like #oh this bitch is onto something. she's FEELING IT. #and then after that. poof. I tried and tried and tried and tried. #and then I got all in my head abt the one ship. and the source material. and I honest to god just. #kinda burned myself out on fic and fandom and blorbos in general tbh. like. that ship nearly killed my creativity. #for good. #but now I'm kinda like hmmmm you knkw what I'm not bad actually!!! #but then. open the notebook. and womp womp. maybe I am bad. maybe I've always been bad. maybe I SHOULDN'T try again. #closed the notebook and went to bed. idk if I wanna look at it tonight again #might just fuck off and try to make sense of the new true d ep that's apparently out tonight #(this season has been so mid so far mehhh) #erin explains it all