#but she's still Mai Freaking Trin which means she's going to be a bit on the snarky side and definitely rough around the edges

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

listening to my Tideturners playlist was a mistake because I am having SO many feelings about the Sidewinder again.

she's not just any AU of Mai Trin; she's a version who's endured the absolute worst case scenario and lives every day in fear of losing everything all over again. but her story flips the entire narrative of Guild Wars 2 on its head; it's all a matter of perspective, and hers comes from an entirely different angle than we're used to.

what is a monster? as they say, to a bird, a cat is a monster.

the Sidewinder's monster is the Commander.

the first Commander she ever met was a tyrant who set the world on fire just to watch it burn. nothing could stop his rampage until there was nothing left to destroy. he made Scarlet Briar's war look like a playground scuffle; in fact, he did it by killing her and seizing her army to do it with. the Sidewinder doesn't have to wonder what a rogue Commander is capable of at their worst. she KNOWS.

and she also knows that if even a single one knew about her outpost, about her, about her people, and decided they were a threat to get rid of, there's absolutely nothing she could do to stop them. the most she could hope to do is be enough of a speed bump that the rest of the Turnabout can escape and make her sacrifice worthwhile.

she's spent decades building up a new world, a new society, and a new identity-- and in a split second a single person could bring it all crashing down. that absolutely terrifies her. it's all so fragile.

a major part of the Sidewinder's personal arc has to do with overcoming that dread to find common ground. because, truth-be-told, much as she'd insist otherwise? she's not so different from the Commander herself. she's fought long and hard to become someone worthy of the trust and respect that so many refugees from so many, many different worlds have placed on her. it's not enough to have it, she wants to DESERVE it. and even if she'd claim she's not there yet, most would agree she's succeeded. she's the beating heart of the Turnabout; none of it would exist without her. she's given all of them the hope that the heroes of their own worlds couldn't.

Mai Trin never wanted to be a leader or a hero or a politician. but as the Sidewinder, she's become all three out of necessity. she had no other choice. no one else was left alive to do it in her place.

so she puts on her mask, and she steps onto the stage, and she talks big, but deep down she knows that if the worst case scenario came back, there was nothing she could do to protect them, not on her own. the only thing that might stand a chance is another Commander, and is she really prepared to take a risk like that? is she willing to put it all on the line to fight for a future without fear?

and even if they are the right choice, even if they do agree to help in spite of it all... can she put one of the last good people at risk, knowing just what horrors they'd be up against? facing someone who's killed others like them a hundred times over, allowing them no rest even in death as their shambling corpses are conscripted into his undead army? how can she, in good conscience, expect anyone to face something so horrific with stakes as high as THAT? which is worse; that they turn against her, or that they trust her and die, adding another force of nature to their enemies' ranks? the Sidewinder doesn't know the answer to that question, if there is one.

there's so much weight on every choice she must make, and the consequences of every wrong move are unfathomable. she might not be the Commander, but that, at least, is one thing they have in common. the decisions they make will decide who lives and who dies.

all the Sidewinder can hope is that when she finally does make that leap of faith, she'll be ready to handle whatever results lay in store.

#my posts #the Sidewinder #Tideturners AU #i won't put this in the main tags because it's just me rambling incoherently and having Emotions but i just needed to Yell #honestly the most fascinating thing for me would be seeing what happens when she has the opportunity to meet other Commanders #specifically: ones that aren't crazed megalomaniacs like hers was! Ruju is SUCH a piece of work i need to talk about him someday #tbh if/when i actually put together a Tideturners RP group the first event would be a Commander gathering where she's trying to reach out #because she needs to! she KNOWS she needs to! but god there are SO many reasons that she doesn't. this woman has SO much trauma #any interaction between her and a Commander is bound to be interesting though regardless of whether they recognize her #because in both scenarios you'll get ENTIRELY different results... for better and for worse because Hoo Boy #if they don't: she'll just try to play it cool but she's so freaking nervous and is trying so hard to make a good impression #but she's still Mai Freaking Trin which means she's going to be a bit on the snarky side and definitely rough around the edges #and if they DO recognize her? how to give the Sidewinder a heart attack in one easy step. she'd freeze up IMMEDIATELY #like funnily enough she'd literally respond better to an AU Scarlet recognizing her because she Knows Scarlet #Commanders meanwhile are wildcards that can also be insanely destructive and dangerous and weren't always on great terms with Mai #and like. she knows that! she knows full well what her Reputation is elsewhere even if she left her version of the Alliance early #so while she didn't participate in like Any of that (Scarlet was already dead EARLY) she knows they won't know that #like. man. she's just fascinating to think about in terms of how she fits into everything because of what a mess she is #sidenote probably the saddest thing would be if she met a Commander who was a version of one she'd seen before #specifically: one that died holding off Ruju to let their timeline escape from him. that'd earn her trust immediately #though she'd feel SO bad about it and be very weirdly resistant to them facing Ruju directly (she already let them die once...) #I'm just. augh. all the thoughts tonight. explodes

[clawsup]

CHIN IN HANDS I WANNA HEAR ABOUT ENID

whoops! my Secret Technique, having WAY too many things to say about enid marlow

favorite thing about them: shes absolutely so rude <3. shes just a little freak i love her. its like the one meme with the anime guy saying hes a genius and then OH NO. full of hubris #girlboss

least favorite thing about them: I think she like. doesn't really have object permanence. shes like a cat if that makes like any sense. If someone isn't on the same team as her or right in front of her they may as well not exist and this ends up making Many Issues. like i think she was pretty close with trin but when trin left she kinda just went 'who?' and repressed that they were friends. then befriended lorcan about it who bullied her into actually still talking to trin (on the rare occasion) which then leads to one of those unfortunate situations when the meet up where its like you were once super close friends w/ this person but just kinda. grew apart.

favorite line: "FIRE AND SMOKE AN EGG HATCHING YORK SILK RETURNS ENID MARLOW RETREATS TO SHADOWS" super early on as far as enid on the crabs go but god do i rotate this in my head. i super like the hc that enid is the one who necromanced york and then IMMEDIATELY faced consequences about it. It also a neat parallel in my mind between mikey t willingly going into the shadows for jaylen, someone he really cares about, and enid just fucking around to help some random lady (nagomi) bring her son back to life and then Find Out About It.

brOTP: no doubt in my mind bevan underbuck. I think that they have such an interesting dynamic w/ enid fucking around and finding out and having to learn to Not Do That from bevan and bevan learning to speak up more for themself from enid. My personal hc that the pitcher hallway of crab fame rlly started when bevan just accidentally moved into the same building as brock berite and finn, and then finn just moved into their bathtub. Then when enid joined finn went "yeah she was a pitcher" and invites her to crash on bevans couch (without telling bevan) and bevan goes wtf before being a bit of a doormat about it. Enid after a while absolutely could move out but simply just doesn't and her and bevan just start getting along super well, like just subconsciously knowing stuff off of vague body language level. not fully related but i also like to imagine that they (used to??) house sit for brock and bertie and were like. in the house watering the plants or smthin when brock got incinerated and had that game on in the background and Well. Things Got Awkward. i also like to think enid and bertie specifically have a weird dynamic bc bertie disapproving of what enid did to 'help' nagomi and york. also if not bevan i think her and kaz absolutely have a sibling dynamic. like enid hasn't talked to kaz in years until he joins the crabs bc like [points least favorite thing about enid] but theyre immediately just like talking like theyve been regularly hanging out together for years. OTP: honestly i don't rlly have any? i think her and bevan could be kinda cute but im not too into it as much as i am them just being bffs. trin and her could also kinda be cute but that ship sailed when trin went to go get a law degree. oh actually i literally just now thought of her and fran going out on one of frans iconic 'dates every new player that joins the wings' thing but like the frans stuck on the crabs boss rush version. not a ship but i think theyd have fun

nOTP: also none tbh? i mean like i guess her and kaz bc my headcanons on those two but also if someone had dif enid/kaz takes and had em as a i thing i dont think id largely care beyond being like 'eh thats not for me'

unpopular opinion: I don't know if this is really that unpopular as it is a thing no one rlly talks about but i still do feel about about but i do still feel bad about Whatever went down to actually get her on our team.

song I associate with them: probably this despite me just saying that i dont rlly have any romance hc for enid. iirc like awhile back my sister just put this on while i had to drive her somewhere and i went 'hm. enid' for fairly obvious reasons.

favorite picture of them: tbh either any drawing of enid by buzz of captainbuzzard fame or any drawing of cool fucked up praying mantis enid by gob of stainedglassgoblin fame

#blaseball #enid marlow #bevan underbuck #kaz fiasco #fran beans #def others that im blanking on but i say so many words and i do not want to comb through them for other characters rn <3 #no idea if this is even legible ngl i have mush brain rn

[anxiousauthor89]

Life Support

Groggy, head pounding, and feeling sick and ashamed, Trinity slowly opened her eyes. She noticed was in a different room. And she was just waking up from what felt like the deepest sleep. The medicine had knocked her out. She let her eye sight adjust and rubbed her temples. She took a sip of water, and laid back as she swallowed. Realizing how parched she was she reached for more water, took a few more sips almost choked. "Fuck!" Her heart began to pound. "The damn baby!" She frantically looked around the room and saw nothing. "Oh my God...it must have worked!" She smiled. "But wait...am I going to jail? Shit what the fuck am I gon tell my mama?!  Ok think Trin...think hard...use your brain bitch....shit...I cant remember shit! Ok...ok...ok...." she took deep breaths looking up to the sky...ok...I was pushing...And..." Congratulations mommy! You're finally awake! How ya feeling?" The blue eyed nurse from earlier was back and she was beaming with joy. Trinity instantly felt dizzy. "Wait...congratulations to who?" she whispered confused about the nurses excitement. "Aaaw sweetheart. Im sorry, you're just waking up and we have to update you on everything. Its been about 2 hours, but that's alright we got baby girl all bundled up in the NICU." the nurse grabbed her shoulder in reassurance. "NICU?" Trinity asked in more confusion. "Baby girl?" she sat up in the bed. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME IT LIVED?! WHAT THE FUCK?!" she screamed unable to hide her surprising disappointment. Shocked and alarmed the nurse stood back and nervously giggled "honey...uumm...I think the medicine has you a little out of it. Apparently you were ready to push and we didn't know. The head doctor of the delivery department came in to introduce himself to you, and saw the baby falling. He dropped everything and caught her by her ankle. Its broken...baby girl is so tiny shes only 3 pounds... he was just trying to save her...it was an accident..." "Hold up." Trinity put up her index finger. Trying to process everything the nurse was saying, she just had to ask one more time. "So...the baby lived...." she looked zoned out. She was in disbelief. Why the fuck do her plans keep failing? "Yes. You pushed so hard you passed out. We gave you medicine to help with pain. Shes beautiful. Do you want to see her? I can take you to where she is after the counselor speaks with you." the nurse said. Feeling her heart drop to her feet she shot her eyes at the nurse "Counselor? What a counselor want with me?" she started to feel concerned still unsure of how she would explain herself. "Just to ask you a few questions. We have the baby in the NICU because shes going through detox. There are drugs in her system. And right now shes doing ok...got a bad case of the shakes...but shes ok." the nurse said with sympathy in her eyes. "You wanna talk about how those drugs got in her system? We can get you some help." All of a sudden her memory flashed back to Junior and the party. The mornings and afternoons she spent driving over there to get more. The day she stopped and said no more. But it must have been too late. Thinking about her mother crying, her possibly going to jail, the thought that she may never live a normal life, she tried to think of a way out. She needed to blame somebody else there was no way she was going to tell anybody the truth. This will go to her grave. Brainstorming and silently freaking out all at once, she blurted out "Shawn! His name is Shawn! And he stays over on Basey Drive! I was with him a few nights ago and he must have drugged me. I told him I felt funny! That's probably why I went into labor early! God! Oh my God!" she covered her face and fake sobbed playing the role of a hurt mother. "Thank Heavens you remembered! Im gonna let the sheriff know right away!" the nurse ran out aiming for her telephone at her desk. Waiting until the room was all hers again she slowly uncovered her face. She laid back, shaking her head, in awe at her performance, and the recent choices that landed her here. "Giiirl you done fucked up now. But they finna get Shawn ass and that's good for him." she smirked as the thoughts ran over her mind. "Hope he rot in fuckin jail. And when its time for me to testify im just gonna leave town I aint sittin up in them crackas faces fuck that." She rolled over on her side but had to quickly lay back straight as a sharp pain hit her vagina. Then she remembered again....."dammit...the fuckin baby.." she slapped her forehead. "Ugghhhhh what am I gonna dooo Trinity you fucked uuuup giiirl my goodness!" she scolded herself. "Alright." she sighed. "No time for that think of a plan." She sat there for what seemed like at least an hour. She was falling back asleep when a young lady in pink scrubs came in. "Hello Mommy congratulations!" the cheerful caregiver jumped up and down. Trinity opened her eyes and rolled them. She was already sick of the nurses calling her mommy. "Whats up?" she said with attitude. "Well uhmm.." the young lady lost her smile. "The counselor is sick so you can see the baby until her replacement arrives. Your wheelchair is outside. You ready?" she started to smile again. Not knowing what to say she sat quiet for a moment. Staring at the floor she saw images of her as a child, and pictures of Shawn as a child that he had shown her. She tried to imagine if the baby looked like her, or just like him. Did the baby have her eyes? The only way to find out was to see her. But she wasn't ready. "No." she simply replied as she got back under the blanket putting it over her head in shame. "No??" the nurse asked in amazement. "Really? Why not? Shes beautiful shes just small but.." "I said no!" Trinity screamed at the young lady. Without another word the nurse walked out slamming the door behind her. Finally tired of handling things alone she found her phone and dialed the only number that always answered. "Heeeyyyy daddy baby!" her father chuckled on the other end. "What you doing over there besides lettin ya head weigh ya down eeh?" she couldn't help but giggle. He was so silly. But it was time to get serious. "You so crazy daddy, but not right now. I need you and Mama on the line together." her voice trembling. "Oh Lord something is wrong I hear it in your voice." he softly said. Give ya mama a minute shes on her cell with somebody she been talkin bout 10 minutes...im gonna pray while we wait." "Thanks daddy that may help cuz Im...." "Ooooh Jesus NOOO! Oh Lord spare him God please hes just a young boy!" Her conversation was cut off by screams from her mother. "Judith calm down whats the matter? What happened?" Her father yelled with worry. "Is that my baby on the phone? Is that..Trin!! Give it here! Trinity baby!" Her mother cried. "Yea..mama its me..why you..stop crying..whats wrong?" Now she was starting to worry. "Baby...baby somebody sent the police to the house you shared with Shawn on Basey Drive..." Rolling her eyes and smacking her teeth she flopped back down on the pillow " Oh mama good grief who cares! Look I know you love Shawn cuz ya thought that was gon be your son in law cuz my silly behind thought he was my prince charming and bla bla bla" she waved her hand in a dismissive motion. "but its over with me and him so relax don't waste the prayers he alright. He may need a lil jail time maybe he'll get a real job" She shrugged her shoulders in satisfaction knowing she was the one who sent the police. "May he rot in that mothafucka." she silently thought. "Trinity. You don't understand. Hes not in jail baby." her mother wept. "Maaaan I don't have time for this!" she snapped. She already hated to hear her mom cry and the fact that it was about this idiot just angered her. "Jesus Christ so where is he mama?!" she asked growing annoyed. "There was a shooting. An undercover approached him and Shawn knew immediately it was a set up, so he pulled his gun on the man. The room began to spin as her mothers words shot through her ears and caused a shock to her soul. "There were officers near by...her mom continued..."and as soon as Shawn pulled his gun out they came out of hiding. Shawn never got to shoot. They shot him baby. Three to the body. One to the neck. And one in each leg." her mother spoke through tears. Waiting for a response. After feeling her breath leave her body and slowly return, she collapsed to the floor unable to stand on shaking legs. She asked in a sobbing whisper "Is he ok?" Holding her chest she began to sob loud. Nothing mattered now. Not the fights. Not him cheating. Not his wife. Nothing. She wanted revenge, but she cant see him in a casket. She cant kiss a dead man. She uncontrollably cried louder, wishing she could take back what she had caused. "Mama you got to tell me he is ok. Please just say he is some how...miraculously ok...please say it mama!" The line was silent. "You not saying it! Tell me hes ok!" she screamed. She was getting hysterical. Her mother cleared her throat, which made Trinity tone it down a bit. "I cant tell you hes okay baby. Hes not. He lost a lot of blood." Her mother paused and took a deep breath. "And when they took him away he was already dieing. God has the final say. But for now...hes on life support."