#ed is a coward and weak and shouldn't exist

[observethewalrus]

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#it's taken me 3 re-watches of ofmd one depression spiral and several days overthinking in the shower #to figure out why i'm projecting so hard onto ed #because everyone sees blackbeard scourge of the seas and theyre respectfully terrified of him #and one of the first things the audience learns about him is that he's tired of being blackbeard #and he latches onto stede who doesn't realize who he is at first and talks to him like a normal person (pirate?) #stede just sees the first person in ages who isn't trying to kill him and immediately invites him into his secret closet #which is fucking hilarious in and of itself #and ed just wants to be ed and not blackbeard #but people like izzy keep drilling it into him that ed is worthless #ed is a coward and weak and shouldn't exist #he only has value when he's blackbeard #ed doesn't get to be visible or even exist #even the crew don't see ed they just see a slightly less terrifying blackbeard #stede is the only person in the entire show who actually wants ed #while still accepting that blackbeard exists too #this is an incredibly unintelligible way of saying i wish i was allowed to be seen but am frequently reminded that i'm not #that i only get to be that weird bitch who swears a lot and is always ready to fight and is the aggressively protective mom friend #but anything more than that is disgusting and should be hidden away like it's shameful #ok cool glad i sorted that out