#everyone else is asleep so I've only told one person but eeee my chest hurts

[skrunksthatwunk]

this is so stupid but i just got notified about like,, being nominated for a Really Cool Big Deal Academic Thing I'm gonna be vague about and it involves an application and I'm like aa eee waow that's so cool I'm such a big shot and then i look at the deadline and it's the day after ishin drops,, oh,,

like hmm,, potentially life-changing opportunity vs some video game samurai,, seem about equal.. i guess.

i canNOT procrastinate on this so it's probably gonna be done before ishin anyway but I'm worried they're gonna butt heads for some reason,, like my sense of scheduling and time management is so bad i feel like I'm gonna mess something up simply by them being next to each other on the calendar jfddhk

#i wanna have sufficient time to be hyped for ishin where i don't have to think about anything and i can just get in the zone about it #so i can go NUTS when it drops free from any other thought #but this is BIG it is emotionally expensive and i might have to put ishin off so i can treat it properly #but i don't wannaaaaa #like i cannot emphasize how silly it is to me that my brain is prioritizing a video game here instead of this thing #...you're interfering with the blorbos from my games... #grah aurgh #everyone else is asleep so I've only told one person but eeee my chest hurts #in a good way this time #the email is SO intimidating too like.. if i fuck up even a little on the forms I'm disqualified #better be the best essay of my fucking life #i appreciate the amount of detail bc ambiguity frightens me but now i just feel overwhelmed instead ahh #but it's a net positive and I'll deal with it in the morning #and the fact that I'm so conflicted on it rather than prioritizing ishin + having a nagging voice about the academic thing #just goes to show how big important this thing is bc otherwise it would be backseated lol #my brain is NOT logic first it is fun first