#fun juxtaposition with mr doyle: both are drowning in other people's malice

[ink-sinner]

i've actually been brainrotting over mess so hard this past week. like?? everything abt her is so??? the way she's written and her dream was intentionally made to be comical and fun, but every time i think abt it everything abt her makes me so sad 😢

she's clearly been abused (by her parents presumably??) and her whole life she's been used and subjected to malice. her p3 and ecb pictures both show her as scared and her ecb even says "stay away from me... stay away from me... stay away from me..." she's actually terrified of the malice she sees, and in a perfect world, she would be just a blacksmith, and someday, a hero would come and save her and the world for her.

but what gets me is that she's accepted no one will come to save her 😢😢 even so, she still chooses to wake up herself. she doesn't want a happy dream where she just ignores her true fears; she wants to eliminate the root cause of all her fears and nightmares — malice in the world. it's so childish, but it's her way of coping.. to blame man's evil acts onto a big baddie to defeat.

it's also still in line with ptn's overarching theme despite the "lol fun silly game" theme,, how do you fix a broken world? some would just destroy it all, some would try to use the law. some do tiny acts of kindness, some run away, some just accept it. it's hard to know what to fix when both the system and the people are messed up — do you start from the bottom to the top, or do you reform the top and it'll bleed down to the bottom? for mess, the way she's decided to fix the world is.. through a misguided attempt to defeat a big bad dragon that is the source of all human malice, which is impossible, but somehow infinitely easier than trying to fix what's broken in every human heart.

but im so annoyed that even after her interrogation, we know nothing abt her!! she lives alone in eastside, she has a forge and a store, she's rich as shit, she's been selling weapons for 2 years. she intentionally provokes people in an effort to harvest malice great enough to cut off malice/her fears. she likes stuffed toys and cute things. what about her history?? why is the data abt her parents unavailable? who are they? what did they do to her? how did they die, how did she awaken? she can harvest malice, so presumably, before awakening, she wished she could remove someone's malice. but what happened that made her awaken? why did she decide that to defeat malice, you must use greater malice??? what is this zoya 2.0?? to defeat violence, use greater violence — to defeat malice, use greater malice?? like???? 😭😭😭😭 she's so mysterious i just wanna know cmon aisno what is this 😭😭😭

#path to nowhere #mess #i have so many fragmented thoughts about her #like for example #fun juxtaposition with mr doyle: both are drowning in other people's malice #but where mess embraces it and uses it as a (futile) weapon to defeat the monster that is the source of all malice in her head #doyle is a lot more world weary and resigned; this is all i can do #ways people cope ig... but also mess is still just a child. she has a really childish and. mean. way of trying to cope with peoples evil #im so mad like even chief is so mean to her.. like i get it but at the same time i dont bc mess is my daughter #wdym chief isnt controlled by malice.... isnt using the shackles twice malice towards you? what is happening #also is it just me or is her interrogation wonkily translated #anw i have too many thoughts its unhealthy im gonna p3 her tom bc im that obsessed 😭😭😭 #sorry for this rambling mess im tired n in pain i adore my new child sm (bye 3H bye zoya) #rs