#i wish i'd been told sooner that loving someone with a mental illness wasn't an excuse for them treating myself or others the way they did

[thatfanfictionchick]

I would have Destroyed myself for You

or: you can't love the mental illness out of someone, no matter how hard you try

or: first love isn't always steeped in romance but it will rewrite you just as strongly

I wish there was a deeper sentiment than love for how I felt about you.

I wish I could meet you for the first time all over again, remember how a soul sparks to find its mate with terrifying clarity.

I wish men who professed themselves to God knew that they would never understand what it was like to stand in awe of Creation the way I did watching you.

I wish I could have swallowed your anger, put your insecurity to bed. Wrapped it all in a soft blanket and comforted it with the soft glow of moonlight.

I wish someone had told me it wasn't my responsibility to mediate your unhappiness.

I wish someone had told me I didn't have to make myself an island every time you chose offense over understanding.

I wish I could have held your hands more.

I wish someone would have told me to stop sifting through the rubble after every one of your storms trying to find an apology broken up amongst the justifications. There wasn't one.

I wish I knew then that toxic relationships aren't just romantic

I wish I'd known you were planning to leave. I would have asked you not to.

I wish driving past your old house didn't make me want to cry.

I wish I knew how to train my brain to unwant you after all this time.

I wish we were the same again.

#mental illness #first love #having a mental illness does not in any way make you 'bad' or 'less than' #but #i wish i'd been told sooner that loving someone with a mental illness wasn't an excuse for them treating myself or others the way they did #falling in love and falling apart