#i'm not escaping anything my body is just having meltdowns from the pain of switching

[elytrafemme]

well whoever it was who tried to switch in is gone i think. hashtag slay moment

#dont rb #neg #God i'm so fucking. frustrated. #other people are able to either keep their fucking identity together #or have a system that can chip in but i'm fucking neither #i'm dissociating somewhere and nothing is coming back to me #i'm not escaping anything my body is just having meltdowns from the pain of switching #and nothing is happening. they don't talk to me they only want to switch out in hyperspecific circumstances #they ruin everything and then go and i'm just stuck here #i didn't know it was possible to harbor this much hate towards something but i utterly despise all of them. klavier and dahlia and the rest #because whenever i desperately need them they don't show up #and they only fucking bother to appear when it makes no sense #every couple of months after abandoning me #instead of simulating an experience to help me with abandonment trauma i just got alters that repeatedly leave me instead #so maybe i'll get desensitized to the act of someone deciding i'm not fucking worth it #well that's not working. and God i'm so pissed at my therapist too #nobody believes me. nobody fucking believes me. #i have a fic to post. whatever. whatever. #i hope i never see their fucking faces again because i might be compelled to do something drastic to get them out. #fucking assholes.