#i've said this so much but it's bcs i rlly mean it; ffxiv as an mmorpg really changed my life

[noxtivagus]

the whole world of ffxiv is very dear to me

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ] #i'm catching up on some quests. particularly the role quests for crafters rn n #THE WRITING IS SO GOOD #i love how the side stories n all these side characters. have. actual character to them #i remember a few months back when i finally finished the. hmmm. i can't rmb but it was the one with the harp. or the bard idk #I CANT REMEMBER BUT YK THE QUEST WHERE THE SONG FROM. ONE OF THE OLD FINAN FANTASIES #THE LUTE! THE LUTE YK FROM. AAAA WAS IT FFIV OR FFIII OR SMTH ELSE I CAN'T REMEMBER 😭 #that said though i rmb something abt that like.. oh my god shadowbringers n. #HOPE! hope is one of my favorite themes ever n ffxiv always does so well w it for me #n then. stuff like. guilt. regret. past present n future.... ffxiv touches on it all is such a personal way. #then again. maybe i also really like the feeling of playing the protagonist or 'hero' through a video game #helping people. making memories through this fantasy world. having profound achievements n being productive #i've said this so much but it's bcs i rlly mean it; ffxiv as an mmorpg really changed my life #i'm. really happy. for the past year my motivation n energy has been really inconsistent n all but #recently.. i've managed to be kinder to myself? #idk oh man i remember last year i wasn't rlly too conscious of time in a. kind of obsessive way like i am now but not really hmmm #wait i'm just reflecting rn UWAH THAT SAID THOUGH #i'll just do what i can! i know i'll be able to do what i want in time anyways #that's just the kind of person i am. i'll work hard. i'll succeed in every aspect i want to. #it's certainly not easy n failure n disappointment will be inevitable but i know i'll make it through it all n do my best. fly. bloom. #being able to rest n take it slow w like ffxiv or wtvr's rlly helped #my social battery is nonexistent still but i always feel safe at least when i'm certain with myself #but i'll always challenge myself to do better. once more i'm excited for the new year #i'm rambling hdkgjskg but indulging in stuff i love like ffxiv rlly just!!!! makes me remember myself!!!! #this is who i am!!!!!!!!!!!! next year i'm gna do a lot better let's fucking go #THE OST OF THE CRYSTARIUM MEANS SO MUCH TO ME. SO MUCH MEMORIES. I MISS SHADOWBRINGERS :<< #hehe i'd really love to live in ffxiv. or to create my own world like it. a dream come true.. but i'll just do my best in this world. #i love the amaros so much :c 'still good in this world'.. yeah. the past few years have taught me that. #i. want to be like my wol honestly. but yk i do know deep down that it's enough to just be myself. that's what i love anyways.

[noxtivagus]

thinking of. hermes n etheirys n there rlly is just sm to take in !!!!

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ] #one big point in endwalker was. the importance n the meaning of. overcoming suffering. even if our end is assured. #that's one thing venat (i love her so much btw) knew that hermes cldn't quite come to terms with in a way? #in hermes' case though. take note of how he probably felt really alone in his society. in the og etheirys #one big thing in endwalker was how. the wol n. everyone. was able to overcome it eventually. able to live bcs #they weren't alone. we can't do it alone. n i really love that lesson in ffxiv #etheirys rlly was fucked up 😭 i hate how hermes had to internalize all those stuff at the end. it's very personal to me . #i think much of those crises wld've been averted in some way if hermes was actually listened to. #still. doesn't justify his actions in the end but i really understand him. #a perfect society doesn't exist. ffxiv rlly has a lot on how 'perfection' isn't rlly so good #n then.. yeah in overcoming suffering do we learn to value life even more #BUT! big thing here is it's really hard alone !!!! the wol doesn't save worlds on their own ! #that said though i personally find it amusing how i really end up liking a lot of characters that r linked to destroying worlds in some way #emet-selch with the first. hermes w etheirys. n then other charas like sephiroth ffvii & lucilius gbf #HFDLAJFSKD 😭 speaking of emet i cld ramble about him for ages as well #i really love how. yk each of the charas in ffxiv. you can really see their character. their morality n beliefs n values n who they are #n there's a lot to take in as well.. there's zenos too who's so incredibly interesting as well as fandaniel #these four in ffxiv i've specifically mentioned r all antags i suppose. but #out of the three i think fandaniel's the worst in morality bcs haha he rlly wants to destroy the world n all #I CLD WRITE MORE BUT NOW NOW! zenos is.. he just does what he wants w his own. yk. he seeks thrill he seeks. the yeah #a lot of it relates w the wol. n sm of it comes from how he was raised. he's rather sad. i'll write more another time #hermes out of them all is the most 'good' at heart i'd say buut. rlly just like all of them his circumstances rlly made him who he is #all of them rlly w each their own circumstances n i'm not big-brained enough to write them all well enough rn BUT IT'S IN MY HEAD #emet-selch w the past he loved. imperfection of the sundered world rlly. hurt him #but endwalker rlly put a new light to that 'perfect' world. it really wasn't perfect as we cld see w what happened to hermes #there's just so much to write abt it. i appreciate it so much. i love stories like this so much #ffxiv has some dystopian stuff (n i grew up w a lot of dystopian books ahaha) n nihilism stuff (i love philosophy so much) #IDK MY BRAIN IS SO MUSH RN there's smth i have to do rq tho for school so bye i'll write another time #either when my mind is clearer or i can't think of anything else but ffxiv for several hours again 😭🫶🏼