#it wasn't a tough logical leap to make that one day there might be a tipping point where the hard work is no longer paying off...

[sootonthecarpet]

(having a regular one) was growing up low key expecting uour mom to murder/suicide you in the van in the river, (and for nobody to blame her for it,) like, a normal part of growing up with profound neurological problems in the 2000s (a time of escalating news coverage of this kind of killing) or what?

#the narrative u always got was of this tragic mom who bent over backwards to help her kid/s until she couldn't take it any more‚ right? #which is also how my mom portrayed herself Generally. though she never said she wanted me dead (for which I'm grateful) #i just knew that getting momkilled was a possible‚ more or less socially condoned consequence of being a 'difficult' disabled child #and when I was already being abused by my mother in ways that often punished my neurodivergent behavior specifically #and had schoolteachers try to shame me into compliance in school by saying I was causing problems for my parents who worked so HARD 4 me #it wasn't a tough logical leap to make that one day there might be a tipping point where the hard work is no longer paying off... #and then; we lived close to the hudson; it would have been very easy. #we even had a minivan! idk why it always seems to be a minivan in these cases. tho ours was beat up and respectable #not the expensive sporty kind. we just needed to haul big objects around sometimes