#it's been almost five months now...

[8bit-mau5]

This has been such a tough week and it’s not even the weekend yet 🥲

Can I get some love n positivity? Some pet pics (no rats or snakes)? Or hear what drew y’all in to my art? Asks? Honestly anything rn could help get my mind off things 💙💙 q v q

#with almost having to call the cops several times and waking up unable to breathe yesterday scared me so bad i almost called 911 but like #what was i even gonna say. if i couldnt breathe. acid reflux started choking me in my sleep and I think im p lucky to wake up from it #tbh #im exhausted and honestly still pretty shaky from everything going on so I’m taking a break from working on owed art for at least a week #and try to take things easy.. forcing myself through more and more work i think would only exacerbate the health issues ive been dealing #with as a Result of stress #anyways. ty all for reading this far if u did. im sorry i havent been around much lately but home has been hell for months #i have a few asks from a few nights ago but!! i still have a pinned w/all the trolls i would want more for #if anyones interested in sending things for my characters #or even art suggestions/requests (pertaining to my own OCs) #8bit beeps #on thbe bright side: i have a PCP now! i have health insurance! my first therapists appointment is next week and it's only //FIVE DOLLARS// #a session! #so things are getting better but theres still a lot to deal with

[shima-draws]

Also it really sucks bc I want to draw but I CAN’T bc I’m in a lot of pain rn. Sitting here like

#AUGHH. I’m still in physical therapy btw. #I was doing p good for a while until I sat in the car for a 5 hour round trip and that fucked my back up SO bad #So I relapsed. And my pain has been Bad for the past couple weeks #Not nearly as bad as it was at the beginning but my pain levels are back up #Which makes me so MAD bc I was at the point where I barelyyy felt it #SIGHS #Well. I’m getting dry needling done tomorrow and that should help #Not SUPER fond of the idea of needles getting poked into my back but at this point I’ll do anything #My therapist says everyone who’s done it under his care has felt a lot better afterwards #And I trust his judgement so. #I’ll be poked and prodded at tomorrow morning lol #I just want this to be over. It started in May. It’s October now #It’s been what. Five months?? FIVE???? #It’s almost been half a year since this started oh my fucking god. Killing myself #Shima speaks

[figofswords]

anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

#the problem is. actually there are several problems #1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic #2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought #3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing #so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing #so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better #unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting #but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week #I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March #the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself. #well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look #and also I would feel bad #I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN #and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going #but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting #I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing #just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC #I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!! #stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!! #but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread #I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh

[shining-scion]

Destiny Realized

#wizard101 #alia sunmender #‘Finally I finished Empyrea…’ I say ignoring the distant Karamelle chanting in the distance #it’s not even that honestly #I’ve never been max level before #I’ve always been so slow leveling and in the span of a few months I’ve gone from Zafaria to Empyrea #my whole childhood I’ve just sort of logged on and done quests by myself and struggled through #only really on wiz for the sake of being there #now I’m almost max #and for some reason I’m afraid. #is it because I’ve grown up? Grown up so much that now even my static character is about to reach the ‘end’ of her journey? #I was five #when I started playing wiz. #when I made Alia. #and now it’s like. #what am I supposed to do when I’m up there With The Meta or whatever.

[its-raining-ramen]

Going to go to the Planned Parenthood in person to hopefully finally get them to sign the fucking paper so that I can actually get my testosterone wish me luck

#its been FIVE months since my appointment and the doctor will NOT do the paperwork #ive called them. my insurance has called them. my pharmacy has faxed them the paperwork multiple times. #THEN an issue with my insurance came up that took forever to resolve #but we're back up and running now and im gonna be the annoying guy that physically comes in #otherwise im just going to a different clinic #the doctor told me id get everything That Day. its been almost five months to the day

[creylune]

job hunt not going well bros

#been almost five months now looooooooooool #pufftext

[halftheway]

i like being the emissary of mariana's sluttiness to my corner of tumblr. do you guys keep up with him do u know what he's like? do you know the typa shit he is always saying and doing u have no idea

#ive been studying him like a bug for almost five months now #i forget not everyone is like me

[britneyshakespeare]

did i tell you guys i got my dad to start reading jane eyre

#he's been reading it on and off for geez idek how long now probably at least a few months #im not normally a fast reader but i did read jane eyre in exactly one week #that overlapped w my spring break tho. i went feral #to think that was five years ago almost... crazy #tales from diana #i saw the lights on downstairs and i went down to check what that was for and i found him in his office reading #and he said 'im still working' (he did in fact have his work open on his computer) #hes been liking it #i think we all remember the first time we read jane eyre and we saw jane and rochester got engaged #and panicking bc there was still sooooo much book left. oh my god #the level of not ok that was #jane eyre really is the goddamn best. like it really is #it invented new emotions in me. brother #he's almost done though. i can tell he's enjoying it bc he's been reading it more lately

[itstimeforstarwars]

Some of my favorite stories are the unfinished wips in my drafts folders. One day I'd like to share them with people. Probably not today tho.

#chit chat #i have a 17k story that i like to reread about every other month #it's been in my folders for 5 years now almost to the day #i wrote 16.5k of it in the first month #and since then i have added about 500 words lol #sometimes I think about posting it even unfinished but it's for a dead fandom and I'd hate to disappoint my One Last Reader #with a fic that will never be finished #which is why #in five years #it still remains a draft #it is however one of the best things I've ever written and even though I've read the jokes a hundred times in five years i still laugh #and really as the writer i am also the most important reader so at least there's that

[asairayn]

me writing eclipse struggling with not knowing what he's supposed to look like and looking Wrong in sun's body and being unused to the way it moves and feels and then suddenly after FIVE MONTHS i realize WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE IN THE MINDSCAPE. FUCK. HE'S GOTTA LOOK LIKE SOMETHING AND THAT SOMETHING DEFINITELY ISN'T SUN OR MOON. GODDAMNIT. imma do some fucky shit with colors or whatever. like sure he doesn't have a MIRROR but he should either have rays or a hat and be used to whichever he has and he should be able to SEE WHAT COLOR HIS ARMS ARE

#writing is hard #these are the kinds of things i realize after five months of writing that as a very important plot point #that's been relevant from the FIRST FUCKING DAYS OF WRITING #i mean i realized this a few weeks ago and it's almost six months now but i'm still mad. #and i still haven't figured out how to fix it #probably just gonna make him not able to properly see himself? like greyed out or transparent or something? #and i've already established touch isn't very Real in the void so that helps #i realized this TWENTY THOUSAND WORDS IN

[elenadoeslife]

your first love hits different

#another day another vent-in-the-tags post #i came across a picture of me and my fiest boyfriend of five years today. picture must've been 10 years old at this point #found many more pictures of him and us on my dad's old pc #i can just feel my body pull and heart ache when i look at him in the pictures #wondering what my life would've looked like if i hadn't broken things off between us #we tried to stay friends and a couple of months later we went for a drink. when daying goodbye he moved in to kiss me #i was hesitant and stepped away. he couldn't bare having me in his life while not being together so he cut off all contact #don't get me wrong in any of my thoughts- i love babe whole heartedly and he's the only man for me now and in my future #it's just that nagging feeling burried deep. the 'what if's. what if i felt more confident about my body back then? #what if i hadn't moved on so quickly? what if i had let him kiss me? #i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body) #he congratulated me and sincerely wished me all the happiness in the world but also asked me not to contact him again after this #it's been 7-ish years but every now and then i wonder how he's doing and what he's up to #he doesn't really have social media apart from facebook (and that page is private) and i only stayed in touch with his former best friend #but i'm not gonna ask him because i know they haven't spoken in years either #i've had plenty more relationships after him but i rarely ever think about those guys #am i okay? is this normal? lol #i should get my head out of this rabbit hole asap #add: the picture is almost 15 years old lol. my math ain't mathing. we met in 2009. not that it's important #i think i just moved on too quickly and didn't allow myself time & space to grieve. that's why he keeps popping up in my thoughts now & then

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

someone please magically cure this illness for me so i can have the brainpower to write again

#it’s been five days of staring into the void #i’m so fed up #my notebook is full of ideas and the next two chapters of four walls are almost good to go but i just have zero energy to do anything #aghhhhhh #i hate this #so sorry to anyone who’s waiting for me to update #i promise it’s nearly here now it’s just been a manic month what with moving and seeing am and now being ill #but it is about twice as long as usual if that makes up for it at all #and once i’ve moved properly to my new place this weekend i’ll be back to my more frequent writing/updating schedule #lulu posts

[johnbly]

microdosing on how nervous james was during his proposal by trying to figure out how to tell my parents i intend to go on my first solo vacation

#like this has been an idea in my head for almost five months now #and the only thing getting me to Speak is uh. it's time #chilly chats

[brothersonahotelbed]

genuine question. when someone pats you on the head like a dog, just out of the blue, even though they never touch anyone Ever... what does that mean. does it mean anything at all

#i dont want it to mean anything but it was just weird #my coworker . in his??? idek forties maybe late thirties??? just patted me on the head at work today as he walked past me #and was like 'i do that to everyone' girl no you dont??? ive been working with you for almost five months now and youve never done that?? #to anyone?? #idk am i freaking out.. am i overanalyzing this. it wasnt like creepy or anything it was just weird it caught me by surprise #loquitur #AM I FREAKING OUT FOR NOTHING?? he also gave me his phone number on the pretense that i can call him if i need a ride(he knows i dont drive #when none of my other coworkers have done that in all the time ive known them. and he's always talking to me like Every chance he gets. #and gives me food. and asks me how im dojng/how things are in my life/how's school #okay now im confused.

[belligerentbagel]

my chemical romance plays in twelve minutes 

adding my quiet contribution towards manifesting another Gender tonight 

#listen. liSTEN. they are less than five miles away from me and i am just deriving faint comfort from knowing we are in (almost) same zipcode #i could bike to the festival location right now 😶 #i've been lowkey in MCR SUBMERSION over the last .......month and a half? oh my god. #SO. i never got into them when they were first active! and i'm kind of. half-grateful for that? because WOW that might have been- #-an entirely different person; if my first DEEP musical obsession had 1) occurred in middle/high school instead of college; and #2) had not been david bowie (though in a satisfying roundabout; the glam rock elements of TBP that i REALLY enjoy are inspired by bowie) #draws #my chemical romance #mcr #the cheerleader outfit in tennessee was honestly what got mcr back into my consciousness as 'huh; isn't that the black parade band?' #and then the NURSE outfit gave me a solid two weeks of (・・；) #and then i listened to the entirety of TBP seVERal times and then foundations of decay (!!!!! it is SO GOOD w h a t) and then #spent another week thinking about aging and how your hopes and dreams change their form over the passage of years #thought about the endless cheerful vitality of the behind-the-scenes clips from the black parade music video #and all that potential; and all they DID accomplish (and have continued to accomplish) #and what it means to still be a rock star at this age #but beyond the memey ''tumblr (YOU INCLUDED) is having carnal thoughts about a 45-y.o. dad''; the part that has been striking s o hard is #the gender exultation every time #the way it lights up the stage; the way the fandom falls over itself and curls up and cries with joy #gerard way i hope you are so so happy

[forestofmemories]

i hear the first few notes of sm’s version of type wild and i’m reminded of the sm finale. i immediately burst into tears. i listen to the og type wild and i’m reminded of the last mpm episode. i immediately burst into tears. i truly cannot win

#was about to write ‘satoshi and pikachu’s last moments’ #but it kinda sounded like they died lmao #‘this year we lost satoshi and pikachu’ #’quit telling everyone we’re dead!’ ‘pikapika!!’ #‘sometimes i can still hear their voices’ #😔 i’m coping #<- it’s been almost five months now #…..FIVE??????? #oh no