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lovingtrance · 3 years

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I got dumped

On December 21st my partner of 5 years, who I lived with for 2 and a half, told me he’s no longer attracted to me and only views me as a best friend. He said there’s more in store for him than “just a safe relationship.”

While we were together I was keeping a running list of all the reasons I loved him. But for my own well-being I’ve decided to start keeping a running list of annoying and toxic things about him. I’m posting it here for your viewing pleasures:

1. I had to constantly remind a grown man he had to brush his teeth. Often times having to convince him to not skip it bc he would sometimes go days without brushing. And this was NOT due to depression. Truly. It was just laziness and a lack of urgency to practice basic hygiene.

2. He would pick his nose and wipe it on just about anything. Furniture, his clothes, his side of the bed, my side of the bed, his car seat no matter whose car, etc.

3. He’d constantly ask “are you gay” as if it was a joke.

4. In general he reveled in pushing my buttons and saying things that I found boarderline offensive.

5. Near the end especially, but in general it was like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with me doing something he didn’t have a personal investment in. If it wasn’t an activity he enjoyed he didn’t want to do it with me.

6. When I would try to spend time with him 9/10 he’d say “I’d rather play call of duty.” His call of duty playing was a daily occueance. On weeknights it was from the time he got home from work until bed. He’d stop just to spend about 30 minutes with me for the dinner I made. This was EVERY NIGHT. And on weekends it would be about 3/4 of the weekend every time.

7. A few days before NYE of 2019 (to celebrate the start of 2020) he went out with a few of his friends to drink. Apparently someone said they didn’t like my plan for NYE and another person agreed. He took offense to that and came home drunk and angry. He ranted about how much he hates them, hates our home town, and how mad he was. I tried to calm him down and he got mad I wasn’t on his side and threw a chair across the room while yelling so loud it woke his parents and sister. He then went to his bedroom and I tried to calm him and he got mad I was “taking their side” and tried to physically kick me off the bed. As if he was a toddler.

8. When I said “no you will not treat me that way. I’m not your punching bag” and called a friend to pick me up he tried every manipulation tactic in the book. First he called to apologize. Then when that didn’t work he tried to plead and promised he didn’t mean it and he wasn’t trying to hurt me. Then he turned and said it was typical that I left bc everyone leaves him and I don’t care. I’ve never cared. After that tactic didn’t work he said he was going to kill himself. All while his sister was texting me saying he was just eating chicken strips on the couch watching TV.

9. The next day he gave me the silent treatment and treated me like I was the one who hurt him and I was the problem. He was trying to give me the cold shoulder so I’d break down, beg for his forgiveness, and beg him to open up and forgive me and talk to me. This was a typical thing for him in the past. If I ever told him he hurt me or tried to put up a boundary for my own mental and physical well being he’d flip it and put up a wall so I’d have to beg him to open up and I’d end up being the one apologizing.

10. He cheated on me in 2016 with women he’d meet up with from Craigslist for casual hook ups. He then insisted we were never exclusive even though we absolutely were and had already said I love you to each other.

11. On my 22nd birthday we went out to bars together. He had a list of bars he wanted to stop at. We’re from MO and were in San Francisco. The 3rd or 4th bar had a bouncer who saw his MO ID and insisted it was fake. I was using my passport since my ID expired on my birthday. When I told the bouncer I’m also from MO and the ID is legit they gave it back but turned us away. That made him mad so we went home and then he got upset I didn’t want sex. I sort of agreed anyway but then withdrew consent. He got SO mad about that. He started screaming and shouting about how I was jerking him around and he was upset and confused. He threw his fan at the wall and broke a hole in the wall. He started pacing around the room and then I called a friend and said I was leaving for my safety. That made him even more upset and he started pacing around the hallway of his apartment building while NAKED. I convinced him to cover up but the manic episode continued and he paced in the street as well. The cops were called by a neighbor. I was mortified. But we stayed together bc I couldn’t find my ID to be able to leave that night. Then we slept it off in separate buildings and came back together the next day to talk it out. We both apologized and stayed together.

12. About a year before that he got upset I couldn’t have Skype sex with him every night even though I was a full time student working a full time job. He frame it as though he was willing to make compromises for me but I refused to do the same for him. Even though I’d already forgiven him for the Craigslist cheating caused by his “sex addiction”

13. He said he was breaking up with me bc he wanted more “intimacy” and knew that he was meant to have a relationship that had more spark basically. He made it seem like yet again I was the problem for not having enough sex with him. Despite the fact I tried to initiate sex with him many times over the last few months and we would reject me almost every time. Often times saying he would rather play call of duty.

14. When we first moved in together I did some laundry. A few days later he realized a few random things were missing. A pair of underwear or two, a shirt. He accused me of losing them by forgetting them in the apartment laundry room. I swore I didn’t but he didn’t believe me and yelled at me. I told him they’re just clothes and I’ll replace them and he still yelled. I suggested maybe he forgot them back at his parents’ house but he swore he didn’t. A few days later a package arrived from his parents containing all the “lost” clothes. I did not receive an apology until I requested one.

15. We were long distance for the first few years of our relationship. I would go to visit him every spring break and fall break (my school had fall break). Once when I went to visit we went over to his frat house for a party for st. Patrick’s day. I was having a good time getting two know two foreign students (one girl and one guy). When we walked back to his place we were sitting outside the building while he smoked a cigarette and he got mad at me and asked me why I acted the way I did at the party. I was confused bc I didn’t think I was acting differently than usual. He said by making friends with those people I was basically being obnoxious and annoying- like I was trying too hard. It broke my heart. It was like he expected me to just be a wall flower or hang on his hip the whole night. It was so unfair bc obviously I didn’t know anyone there it’s not my school. So did he just expect me not to have a good time?

16. The one other time he had me go to a party at the house I went to the bathroom on my own. I remembered where it was and told him “I’m going to the bathroom” and got up from my seat. When I came back he was being weird to me and basically implied he thought I walked away to go cheat on him?... even though I was gone less than 5 minutes and I knew no one there!

17. Once in late 2017 early 2018 one of my close friends came over to hang out and drink wine in my living room. She mentioned she’d done this app called Cake where you live stream whatever and people pay you. We decided to just sit around in our underwear and drink wine to make her some extra money. I told him about it and he freaked out. He contacted her on FB and went off on her telling her she disrespected our relationship and manipulated me. He told me I was drunk and let my friend manipulate me. I told him that’s not true at all and everything I did I did bc I wanted to and was comfortable doing so. I never crossed a line. I never even interacted with a person. We just set up a camera and barely acknowledged the comments. He was acting like I was his child or property and I didn’t have agency of my own. He also told me I cheated and I needed to admit I cheated so we could move on. As if it’s not my body and my choice who I allow to see me wearing the equivalent of a bikini. And he definitely had no right to contact my friend and scold her and shame her. He acted like I was his to control and I was a toy my friend took and misused without his permission. It was disgusting and so painful to deal with. I felt awful about myself for days.

18. He was and is such a hypocrite. He even admitted to me before the Cake incident that he once did cam stuff but quit bc he was bothered by how many men tuned in and barely any women. He was also hypocritical about spending money. He would criticize me for spending $50 on new clothes at target or wanting to spend $30 every few weeks to splurge on eating out. But then he’d spend $100s-$1000s of dollars at a time on his hobbies like gaming, bowling, his guitar, etc.

19. In April of 2020 I told him I wanted us to be more romantic. I wanted us both to be better about making an effort to show each other we had a romantic attraction to one another. He told me “you expect too much. You ask for too much.” This is the same man who 8 months later told me he was leaving me bc there was no more “spark.” I EXPLICITLY asked him to work with me to keep the spark going and he said “you ask for too much.”

20. Also in April of 2020 he got upset the recycling bin was starting to smell. Over time some of the containers had leaked the small bit of contents they had left and created a film on the bottom of the bin. He blamed me because he “always rinses containers before recycling them.” I tried to explain “yeah but that’s just because you leave them sitting on the counter to be rinsed and then never rinse them. I too am bad about not rinsing, so I just put your pile and my stuff straight in the bin.” I explained that technically yes, I recycle more items, but only because he leaves me to do it. He told me I HAD to clean the bin. I said “I’m not your servant. I’m not at your beck and call and I don’t HAVE to do anything.” That made him angry so he said “maybe I should just pour milk all over your clothes then?” Shocked I of course asked “why would you do that?” I also wondered “what clothes? The clothes I have on the drying rack next to the kitchen? Or the clothes in the closet? The ones I’m wearing?” He said “you pour milk in the recycling bin. It’s the same thing.” Like truly- what a manipulative, illogical ASSHOLE.

21. When breaking up with me he told me “I’m sure you’ve noticed I haven’t wanted to have sex with you the past few months.” I said “yes I thought it was stress from work.” Then he said “no I’m just no longer physically attracted to you.” I asked what we could do. Should we spice things up? Should we go to a sex therapist? He said there was no point. But fear not reader- it’s not that he’s gay (yes he felt the need to clarify that) it’s just that he’s not attracted me specifically. He said honestly he just wasn’t happy because there was no spark. And there was this (apparently) indescribable element that had never really had been in all 6 years. There had always been something missing that he had in other relationships. I said THERE WAS ONLY ONE OTHER RELATIONSHIP WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! He had one other serious girlfriend before me and they were together between the ages of 15-18. Yes he’d had other flings and sexual partners obviously, but nothing that even came close to the level of commitment or sheer length of relationship we had. But sure- go ahead and compare what we have to a high school relationship and a handful of college hookups.

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mediacalling · 7 years

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Our Very Worst Social Media Fails: The Expert Roundup

With so many so-called social media gurus out there, it’s hard for mere mortals not to have “imposter syndrome.”

Should we be trusted with others’ social media accounts? Should call ourselves an expert on our Website if we’re not perfect?

The truth is, even the most experienced social media managers have made at least one gigantic mistake in their career. Here are seven professionals with their tales to back me up.

Dorien Morin-van Dam, More in Media

A few years back I met a prospective client whose budget for managing Facebook only allowed for management, not for advertising. At the intake meeting I addressed this concern, as well as the fact that there was barely any content on their website so there was very little content for me to use.

Despite this, they offered me my going management rate, and I accepted the six month project. To date, this has been my biggest fail.

I got no traction; no engagement and no new likes on the Facebook page. I didn’t have a budget to create video content or run ad campaigns or even run a contest.

Then I did something I am not proud of. As a last-ditch effort in the last two months, I took a portion of my fee to run a few ads to see if throwing a bit of money would in the end make a difference. It didn’t.

To off-set and justify me taking money out of my own pocket, all posts in those last two months were recycled posts from the previous months. The Facebook page was a fail and so was working with this client. This experience served as a lesson to me to go with my gut to not take on clients who ‘want it all’ but aren’t willing to spend the money to get there.

Charli Day, Charli Says

Back in 2010, I was fairly new to social media management and was in charge of a financial services page with a high international fan count but low engagement.

I decided that I would run a social media contest to increase likes, shares, and overall engagement. Back then, I wasn’t really aware of the need to use page apps to run contests. Contest apps are an absolute must, not only for legally collecting data, but also for regulating entries and ensuring that users adhere to the terms and conditions of your contest. I had no idea.

So my contest was as follows. “Take a great photo of you holding the company logo and the one with the most likes will win” (another Facebook page violation). The idea was to show fans around the world and the prize was a top of the range Canon camera. Of course, the fans started submitting photos to the page and at the beginning it was great. Beautiful photos of India, Italy, Australia, all with our company logo.

I was pretty pleased with myself.

But then, I noticed that some of the photos were getting an insane amount of likes. If the average on each photo was 50, these were getting 10,000. I realized that they were using bots to bump up their likes to win the prize. With no way to control the number of votes or entries, or any way to prove that the rules had been broken (because I hadn’t written any), I sat helplessly watching as some of the least inspiring photos gained thousands of likes.

When the time came to announce the winner, the photo was an obviously photoshopped background of the leaning Tower of Pisa with a little guy from Indonesia holding our logo. It was a poor quality and obviously tampered with image. I announced him as the winner and then spent the net week receiving furious messages from the other genuine participants who accused him of faking the photo likes and our brand of not properly controlling the contest.

To make matters worse (again no terms and conditions) the winner then went on to demand a camera with a much higher value than the company wanted to give. Our company lawyers eventually concluded that as we had simply specified a “top of the range” camera, and not written a maximum value, we had to give it to him. Therefore the prize cost 3,000 Euros more than it should have done.

It was a huge lesson for me. ALWAYS use page apps for contests. Plan every single detail and make sure your terms and conditions are signed off by legal!

Daniel Pinne, Organik Social

I managed the social accounts for a large professional sports team with hundreds of thousands of followers across all social media channels. Sports an emotional industry and sometimes you can get lost in the support of the team’s fans and the action on field. There was a lot of feedback about the quality of commentary and I sent the following tweet with a comment about one of the commentators in particular.

Thanks to the 16,828 fans that turned up tonight and didn’t have to listen to Tim Gilbert commentate. Worth the ticket price #purplepride

— Melbourne Storm (@storm) July 5, 2013

Understandably, there were mixed reactions. The fans of the team (and the primary audience) understood the humor of it and supported the tweet. Others in the media were very critical, labeling it unprofessional and came to the commentator’s support.

In hindsight, I certainly got caught up in the emotion of it all a bit much. It was a spur of the moment decision that I should have asked others in my team if they thought it was appropriate, they would have advised otherwise.

I spoke to the commentator in person, apologized and followed up afterwards. We all moved on and learned from it, but it wasn’t one of my finest memories managing social media.

Amanda Webb, Spiderworking

I made a lot of mistakes when I started blogging. I used to write terrible headlines, I wasn’t thinking about the importance of getting people to read, I just assumed they would come.

My first blog covered environmental issues and one classic headline was “Water Labeling.” I spent ages writing the post but I’m pretty sure few people read it. I’m always working at writing better headlines, each time I do I see the payback in traffic.

Hiral Rana, E2M Solutions

In one of my previous firms, I was juggling several responsibilities in social media marketing and SEO. As a part of an in-house project back then, we forgot to set the end-date of our Facebook ad campaign. Thankfully, this got us more attention, leads, and everything in between.

I quickly learned how to use automated rules in the Facebook Ads Manager. All I have to do is enter my maximum spending amount. This gives me more control of the ad budget even if I forget to set the end date again!

Anastasia Melet, Wave by Animatron

Perhaps our biggest social media fail happened during a Facebook Live broadcast. Our Live featured a well-staged video, a part of which had been recorded in advance, to be operated with a special broadcasting software.

Everyone was excited and also a bit nervous preparing for the Live. During the Live, a social media team member pressed the wrong button and… cut the video almost a minute too early.

There was no option to resume the video.

The first thing we did was to quickly address the questions we started receiving in the comments from the viewers. I think it was the prompt reaction of our social media team that helped de-escalate the possible disappointment of our followers. Later on, we sent an email explaining the situation and offering an incentive as a “We Care” token.

Our followers are a very loyal and understanding audience and we had almost no negative effect caused by the incident. We learnt this lesson and were fully prepared for the next Live. So to fail-proof your social media initiatives, I would advise to be especially careful with new technologies, keep anxiety under control, and always have a backup plan.

Rivka Hodgkinson, Meet Rivka

One of my clients is a real estate agent, so I try to make the content interesting by posting local goings-on, news, and events.

To simplify that process, I have a Google Alert set up for the city and state that she is located in. One day while going through my email, I was excited to see an Alert post about a famous celebrity who broke down and was taken out to lunch and helped by some local guys with a pickup truck.

This is perfect, I thought! A recognizable name, and a fun story that happened right in her area! It didn’t mention the name of the restaurant, but it did mention a street name, so I thought I could get some great engagement by asking people to guess which local treasure they stopped to eat.

Then it all fell apart.

I was so excited about the article, I told my husband about it. “I am pretty sure that is a scam dear,” was his response. He had heard the same story with a different celebrity for his hometown. Sure enough, I did a Google search of the longer text, and it was an oft-repeated urban legend. Despite being from a reputable looking website, I had been bamboozled.

Don’t get me wrong. I got engagement — just not the kind I anticipated. With several people within minutes telling me it was a scam, providing links to Snopes, and one share by someone as excited about the story as I was. And so the cycle of misinformation continues.

Needless to say, not a finer moment. I hid it from the timeline and thanked the helpful citizens who pointed out my mistake.

Lesson learned? ALWAYS check sources on factual stuff. I should have known better when it wasn’t one of the handful of local news media outlets that I recognize the names of. Now, I am sure to only post news stories from a brand I know and trust, or do a little more digging into the who and what of the origin.

What social media fail are you most embarrassed about? Share your sad tale in the comments!

The post Our Very Worst Social Media Fails: The Expert Roundup appeared first on Agorapulse.

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