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jubilantwriter · 4 years

Text

He Always Knew His Screams Would Fall on Deaf Ears

(AO3)

the prequel no one asked for but i desperately wrote because i get invested in my own aus for no good reason sorry this isn’t the toy story au whoops

TW: Descriptions of Wounds, Traumatic Events, Detailed Attempts of First Aid

Summary: Prequel to Day 4 of Jaspvid Week 2020 - “Remember When They Were Bad Friends?”

It all happened on one day, he realizes, as he leads Jasper back to their tent. Everything happens so much, he realizes, as he carefully sits Jasper down on his cot and tries to keep himself together. What he doesn’t need to realize is that Camp Campbell sucks. And always has sucked.

And today only proved his point in the worst way possible.

Word Count: 3420

"I told you this camp sucks!"

His hands are shaking.

"Davey-"

"It sucks and I hate it and-"

He can't have his hands be shaking.

"Davey."

Jasper holds David's hands still.

And he remembers to breathe. Remembers that his choking breaths are the result of him crying. That his hands can't be shaking because.

Because.

He's the one holding the bandages.

"You don't have to do this."

"I have to! No one else will!"

He doesn't mean to snap.

He really doesn't.

But being mean is his default. Even when he ducks his head and looks away ashamed.

He really doesn't mean to be mean.

But Jasper is kind. Understanding. And he doesn't let go of David's hands.

"...Sorry."

"It's okay. I'm not mad."

He takes a steadying breath. Tugs his hands out of Jasper's grip and starts to unfurl the gauze. The gauze from the first aid kit.

The first aid kit that he had to steal from the counselors.

Because they wouldn't do anything.

Because they'd rather stand around and congratulate Mr. Campbell for "saving" him and Jasper.

Because they didn't notice the bleeding, scratched up, wounded kid standing next to David even when Quartermaster ripped away his badge that he earned and gave it to David instead-

He unfurls the gauze. Holds it up to Jasper's bloodied chest. Watches as the brunette tries to hide his trembles. Tries to keep his chest from heaving.

Because he's in pain. Because he was just mauled by a bear. Because Mr. Campbell took too long trying to find Jasper because he never wanted to find Jasper in the first place, didn't he? Mr. Campbell was full of hooey, the worst kind of hooey, the kind of hooey David saw in so many other adults in his life-

"Davey, broski," Jasper chuckles nervously as David's hands hover with the gauze, "I don't wanna um, jam up your thoughts but uh, maybe you should disinfect the... the, you know." He gestures to the front of his chest as he swallows down the memory. "...Yeah."

"...Right. Sorry. I didn't- I never paid attention during the first aid stuff." David mumbles softly as he puts the gauze down and searches for a... bottle. What's it called again? Dang it, he really should have paid attention during the first aid stuff! He frowns as he tries to remember what his mom would use on his cuts from when he'd get into fights at school. It's big. And brown. And has a white cap. And smells like he shouldn't put it in his mouth. David rifles around in the first aid kit, but it's too small to hold a big bottle.

Instead, he finds a smaller bottle. Opens the cap. Sniffs it.

Smells like hurt.

He looks between the bottle and Jasper's wounds.

Smells like a lot of hurt. Like white foam that bubbles and burns and makes him hiss, and god, Jasper has big, deep cuts doesn't he? He looks around the wounds, looks at the smaller scrapes and scratches and decides to take care of those ones first.

Because that'll help prepare Jasper for the pain, right? Get him used to the burning. Before.

Before he.

Before he has to clean bigger cuts.

David wants to cry some more.

But he can't. Because if he cries, he won't be able to see.

And Jasper needs him, right now.

So he takes a deep breath.

"This, um, this might hurt a little." He finds a little baggie filled with cotton balls and immediately thinks that this won't be enough, Jasper's wounds are too big for this small bag of cotton and this small bottle of burning, but he has to make do. He has to make do because the adults don't care and he's the only one who cares.

The only one who saw what happened and knows that Jasper is in more pain than he lets on.

Knows that this first aid kit isn't enough, that Jasper should be in the hospital but he's not. Of course he's not, this camp sucks and always has sucked and-

He places the cotton ball over the mouth of the bottle and does a swift pour. The cotton ball is sufficiently damp now, damp with hurt and burning, but his mom always promised him that the hurt meant that the liquid was doing its job. That it was cleaning his cuts of the bad germs that would make him hurt way worse.

He looks to Jasper and hovers the cotton ball by the scratch on the boy's cheek. Jasper watches him with eyes full of trust.

They weren't always full of trust.

But after today.

After what happened.

He wonders.

Is he the only one that Jasper trusts now?

Gently, he dabs the cotton ball on Jasper's face and nearly recoils when Jasper hisses.

"Sorry! Sorry I-"

"It's okay!" Jasper waves his hands in front of him and laughs nervously. His hands fall back onto his lap as they twist and grip, trying to anticipate the pain, more pain, more pain for Jasper, god, hasn't he been through enough? Hasn't Jasper had enough pain for one day? "I'm okay, it's just. Um. I guess I'm not too good with pain."

"Who’d a thunk." David hesitates as he hovers the cotton ball over Jasper's cheek again, watching as those hands twist and grip. "...Hang on." Quickly, David puts the cotton on Jasper's knee (the unscathed one, somehow), and takes off his vest. He wordlessly stuffs it into Jasper's hands, feeling them grip onto the stiff but versatile material in confusion.

"Um...?"

"I don't have a teddy bear," he says quickly as he picks the cotton ball back up, "but I figured this was, you know, good enough."

"...Thanks."

"It's the best I can do." He avoids looking at Jasper's eyes as he gently dabs at his cheek again. This time, there is no hiss of pain, but there is a little flinch. Still, he keeps dabbing until he can't see any more dirt. Until the scratch fizzes a little, and there's a little bubbly that means that the liquid is doing its job, and when it finally stops bubbling, he puts the cotton back down and looks for a bandage.

"There's uhhh... boring and boring. Do you want Boring 1 or Boring 2?" He offers two standard band-aids to Jasper, frowning as the other boy giggles.

He wishes he had some better ones to give the brunette, but this camp sucks so he's not too surprised that the selection sucks too.

"I'll take Boring 2."

"Not Boring 1? I thought for sure you'd take Boring 1."

"Why?"

Because you're Number 1 at everything, is what he wants to say. What he says instead is:

"Because you're a square who likes dumb trends and taking the first thing sounds like something you'd do." He flinches when he says that. He really didn't mean it. He's being mean again-

But Jasper just laughs. Before, Jasper wouldn't laugh. He'd get hurt and insulted and look upset just like all the other campers would when David insulted them.

But Jasper just... laughs.

Which is weird because it sounds real and genuine and David can’t fathom why he’s laughing right now.

But he decides that he likes hearing it.

And he wants to hear it more.

"Jeez, Davey! If it weren't for my shoes, you'd never have saved me, y'know?"

"Yeah, whatever." He carefully puts Jasper's chosen band-aid on his cheek. "I still think they're dumb."

"I don't think they are!"

"You need better taste." They keep talking, distracting themselves from the reality of their situation as they tease and poke fun at each other while Jasper's hands squeeze and pull on David's vest, while David's hands start getting into the rhythm of dab dab dab, "Boring 1 or Boring 2?", and then putting the band-aid on.

Eventually, David finishes cleaning all the scrapes and cuts.

Eventually, David sticks on the last band-aid.

And eventually.

David finds he can't prolong the inevitable.

The gauze lays still unfurled next to Jasper.

The bottle is still two-thirds full.

He still has some cotton balls left.

And Jasper looks nervous. His leg is bouncing, hands twisting and burying themselves in David's vest as he watches David's hands.

How David is gripping tight to the small bottle in his hand.

He has to clean Jasper's wounds next.

The big ones.

Three, big gashes across his chest.

The bleeding is minimal now.

He needs to clean it.

And he thinks.

How can he put it off some more?

How can he put off putting Jasper through more pain?

"Um." He puts down the bottle. "I'm gonna- I'm gonna get some water and uh. Paper towels- no, wait, I have a towel in my backpack- hold on, okay, I'll be right back." He motions with his hands for Jasper to stay put as he backs out of their tent. "I promise I'll be right back."

And Jasper gives him a weak smile. But a smile nonetheless.

"I know. I trust you."

David hesitates. Looks over how Jasper is hunched over on his cot, looking at David with eyes that border on scared, border on desperate, border on “please don’t leave me alone again”. He doesn't want to leave Jasper alone. But he needs to get the water. He blinks slowly, watching the brunette watch him from where he stands by the tent flap.

And he swallows.

"You won't even notice I'm gone."

And he runs out.

He runs to the mess hall, to where he knows there's plastic water bottles for the campers to grab during the daytime.

Except the crickets are singing, and the stars are bright as the moon shines down on David. He kicks open the door to the mess hall and looks over to where the water bottles usually are.

Gone.

But that won't stop him.

He looks towards the kitchen instead. The doors are probably locked. But that little window from where Quartermaster dumps out their food is still wide open. He runs to that window, jumps up to heave his upper body over the ledge, grunts as he pulls himself up and over and into the kitchen with the grace of a log as he lands with a clatter.

Spoons and spatulas clank to the ground as they make a loud ruckus, but David finds that he doesn't care. He doesn't care as he looks around the small kitchen and sees another door for the pantry and runs to that. He doesn't care that when he yanks the door open, he finds Quartermaster standing inside, staring at him like a creep as a case of bottled water lays just behind him.

David growls. "Move it, old man."

Quartermaster says nothing. Just stares, with his single eye.

"Move, dang it!"

Quartermaster continues to stare down at him. David huffs and dives to the side as Quartermaster watches. The ginger quickly tears through the case and grabs bottle after bottle.

One, two, three- is three enough? No, maybe four just in case- no, five, in case Jasper gets thirsty- wait, six, in case David gets thirsty too-

He stands up, three bottles in each arm as he turns defiantly to face Quartermaster, ready for if the man tries to stop him-

Except.

He doesn't.

Quartermaster simply watches with little interest as he steps to the side, letting David pass without a fight. Strange. Any other adult would be questioning him by now. He's bad to the bone! Anyone else would be getting mad at him for snatching six bottles of water by now!

"You're not gonna stop me?"

"Not my business," Quartermaster answers with a grunt. "Door's unlocked. Don't crawl through the servin' window again, gettin’ dirt all over my mashed potatoes."

"Whatever, old man." David blows a raspberry at Quartermaster and quickly turns to run when he sees a familiar glare settle on the old man's face. Like he said, the door remains unlocked as David kicks the kitchen door wide open with a bang, and proceeds to do the same with the mess hall doors.

It doesn't matter if anyone else hears him. It's not like they were going to stop him. Or do anything about it.

No one ever does anything about him anyways.

Nobody actually cares, and that's why he's always hated this camp.

They're all a bunch of fakes.

All of them.

All of them except...

He bursts through their tent, chest heaving as he drops all six bottles on the floor. And Jasper's nervous grimace turns back into a smile.

All of them except him.

"I’m back."

"I know, bromide. I could hear you tear through the mess hall like Taz!"

David tears through his bag and yanks out his old, raggedy towel. He grabs the closest water bottle and cracks it open, pouring all of the contents onto the towel and then squeezing with irritation as it doesn't pour fast enough. Once the towel is soaked, he stands up and faces Jasper.

His chest is caked in blood.

Jasper's blood.

David's mind reels as he remembers the blood, still fresh, still bleeding, as Jasper's terrified voice met his ears. Jasper could have died. He could of been eaten alive by bears, or bled out, or left alone to starve in a cave-

"Davey," Jasper says softly, "it's okay, I can do this part myself-"

David jerks back away from Jasper, shaking his head quickly.

"No- no, you're hurt, you're not supposed to move." Now's not the time to be lost in his thoughts again! He needs to focus, focus on Jasper, focus on making Jasper feel better after everything that happened today. "I can do it. It's okay."

"If... if you say so." Still, Jasper looks worried. Uncertain. As if he's scared David's about to break down in tears again like he did earlier when he held the first aid kit in his hands for the first time-

No.

No!

Focus, dang it!

"Just... you trust me, right?"

"I... of course I trust you, Davey."

"Then let me do this for you." Each word hits with a heavy emphasis as he steps closer to Jasper, the dampest part of the towel held tightly in his hand as he carefully wipes away at the dried blood. "Please."

"...Okay."

He cleans Jasper in silence.

There's no teasing. No light banter as the towel wipes the blood clean off of Jasper's chest, giving David a better look at the damage the bears wreaked on Jasper.

Torn skin.

Torn flesh.

But the bleeding is barely there.

Just caked blood that David wipes away from around the gashes.

He can't see bone which is- thank god, thank god. But Jasper really should go to a dang hospital. If he just hangs around camp, will they even heal properly? How is he going to heal? What can David do to help him heal?

He cleans. And cleans and cleans and cleans until there's no more blood left to clean, and it's just three long gashes staring back at David as he holds a towel dirty with Jasper's blood. He drops it to the floor and lowers his eyes.

He can't prolong it anymore.

What can he do?

What can he do to make it hurt less?

...The answer is nothing.

There's nothing he can do.

Jasper keeps quiet.

Doesn't interrupt David's thoughts as the ginger bends down to pick up the small bottle. Watches as he rolls the thing around in his hands.

What can he do?

Is the answer really nothing?

David squeezes his eyes shut.

"...Jasper."

"Yes?"

He can be honest.

"This is... gonna hurt a lot."

"...Yeah, I know."

He can... get Jasper comfortable.

"Can you... do you wanna lay down for this?"

"...Sure."

Maybe something from TV can help.

"Um, one time I watched a guy bite into something while doctor's sewed him up. Maybe biting into my vest will help?"

"I'll give it a shot."

And... he can warn him.

"...I'm gonna start now."

"Okay."

And he can listen. Listen to Jasper.

"If it's too much, just tell me, okay?"

"I will."

"I promise I'll stop."

"I know."

He opens his eyes. Sucks in a breath.

David doesn't know what he's doing.

But Jasper's staring at him. There's fear in his eyes, because they both know this is going to suck, more so for Jasper than for David, obviously. But there's also a bit of determination.

Like he's trying to be a little brave.

Brave enough so that David can be confident.

Brave enough to let David know that see? This will be okay.

They'll be okay.

He trusts David.

Jasper nods to David, vest bunched up in his hands as David holds up the bottle over Jasper's chest.

He's going to have to pour.

It's going to hurt. A lot.

But he can make it quick.

He has to make it quick.

Jasper doesn't deserve any more pain.

"...Ready?"

"Ready."

David hears rather than sees Jasper bite into his vest when he quickly pours the liquid into his wounds. The muffled screams are hard to miss, but he has to steel his nerves and continue... disinfecting, right? That's the word Jasper used.

He needs to disinfect the gashes to keep the bad germs out, even as Jasper thrashes on his cot and David's biting back his tears because he needs to see what he's doing, and Jasper's in pain, he's in so much pain, but he needs to do this, he needs to do this for Jasper-

The bottle is empty when he drops it to the ground, and he gathers Jasper up in his arms as he hugs him close, careful not to touch the gashes still bubbling on his chest, careful to angle them both just right so that Jasper can dig his fingers into David's back and bury his face against his shoulder so that they can both weep into each other until the pain fades.

They stay like that, clinging who knows how long until Jasper finally relaxes.

He never told David to stop, did he?

Gently, carefully, David helps Jasper sit up as he flinches and hisses from the lingering pain. He picks up the gauze and looks to Jasper's lowered head.

"...Can you lift your arms for me?" A tired nod from Jasper as he weakly lifts his arms. "...I'll be quick."

He really should have paid attention during first aid, he thinks, as he wraps the gauze around Jasper's chest. Is this too tight? Is it too sloppy? Is he doing it right? God, he hopes he's doing it right.

He keeps wrapping until he can't see the gashes anymore, and he keeps the gauze in place with some tape he finds in the kit.

Without a word, Jasper goes back to lying down. The brunette looks exhausted, and David can't blame him. He doesn't let go of David's vest though. And David doesn't ask for it back. Instead, he pulls the covers over Jasper's shoulders. Leaves a water bottle on the ground for Jasper. Breaks the seal so that it's easier for the boy to open.

And then David curls onto his cot.

"...Good night, Jasper."

At first, Jasper doesn't answer, and David is ready to content himself with thinking Jasper is asleep. But then, ever so softly, he hears:

"...Good night, Davey. Thanks for... everything."

And just so softly, ever so softly, he whispers back:

"Of course, Jasp."

Moments pass, and David can hear the soft snores of Jasper sleeping as David lies awake, watching him. Watching and counting each rise and fall of his chest. Listening carefully to his breathing.

And David...

David's scared.

Scared that when he falls asleep.

Jasper won't wake up.

So he stays awake.

And he watches.

To make sure that Jasper stays alive.

He'll make sure Jasper stays alive because.

Well, Jasper has a nice laugh, doesn't he?

He should laugh more.

Smile more.

This camp sucks, David knows this.

But Jasper doesn't.

And if David had paid attention during first aid, he could have helped Jasper more.

So as he lays there, watching, listening, making sure that Jasper makes it through the night, he promises himself.

Makes a quiet vow to himself.

That he'll pay attention more.

That he'll learn more.

Because David doesn't want to do this again.

And he doesn't want Jasper to go through this again.

He doesn't want anyone to ever go through this again.

Never, ever again.

#camp camp #cc david #cc jasper #cc quartermaster #i think a lot about that scene where jasper just fucking #stands there #bear maul wounds clear on his chest #and #no one #fucking does anything??#not the fucking camp counselors no one???#that's fucked up that fucks me up #did that kid ever get sent to the hospital #because if he did wouldn't his parents pick him up #because he got mauled by a fuckening BEAR?#i mean space kid did go to the hospital and went back to camp #still tho #WHAT!!#the fuck #anyway keeping in line with my other au this would be #the jumping off point of david #getting invested in camp #but only because #he has to put himself through caring for jasper himself #after that horrific ordeal of saving jasper #because you can't just save someone and not treat them #and david wants jasper alive dammit #i dunno what i'll call this au #David Hates Camp Campbell AU #? maybe

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takerfoxx · 7 years

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“Monsterland” Thoughts

Monsterland was one of the first episodes I had plotted out and initially had two purposes: to reveal what the dockengauts actually looked like and get them over as a serious threat for whenever I needed them next, and to get Kyoko her pet valk (more on that little chicken nugget later). Plus, you know, all the violence, violence, violence, violence. I'm starting to think I have a problem. This is what happens when you're a 90's kid and read Animorphs instead of Goosebumps during your formative years. It does things to you.

Anyhoo, I was originally going to save it for later on in the story (y'know, like I should have done with Help), but when it came time to choose the last episode before the break, I was really worn out from The Heist, was tired of all the plots involving politics and betrayal, and didn't feel like writing anything with too much plot. And since Monsterland was pretty much nonstop action, it was selected as the note to end things on.

In regards to the fight in the Velocity Terminal (the name of which I absolutely love. Naming places is often a pain in the ass, but I got a real kick out of this one), it was actually thought up as a standalone scene, one that wasn't actually connected to any specific plotline. It was just a fun all-out brawl on a wacky landscape that was admittedly heavily inspired by Sonic the Hedgehog games. Plus, as much as a love how good the fight in Breaking Through the Clouds came out, I was disappointed that I never got to fit in a scene where everyone from the Freehaven Four got to square off with their opposite number in the Void Quartet (Kyoko with Annabelle Lee, Mami with Nie, Charlotte with Artz, and Oktavia with Ticky Nikki), so this was my way of making up for it. And like all my big fight scenes, it was planned out bulletpoint-style, with a handful of high spots (notably Kyoko's trick with the spear and the freefall drop, Mami's shootout with Nie, and Oktavia racing along like as screaming lunatic) with a lot of improvision in between. For me, the highlights that were made up on the spot was Charlotte's MMA-esque battle with Artz and Charlotte and Mami's finger-wrenching rescue of Oktavia (ouch). Though in hindsight, I should have made more use of the teleporting towers thing. It's too cool of a concept to just use once.

Though I will admit, I did struggle to come up with a reason for why the Void Quartet would still be chasing the gang. I guess, "Because we hate you and have nothing better to do" works okay.

Anyway, the dockengaut home planet was originally going to be dull, grey, and lifeless (save for the monsters), much like the elephant graveyard in the Lion King (yes, the boneyard was a direct reference). But that just struck me as boring. Yeah, I appreciate a lot of gothic aesthetics, but I still have a perchance for colorful worlds, and there was nothing to say this one couldn't have a lot of color and still be sinister. So we got things like the black jungle and purple fields and whatnot. I guess more of my Animorph fanboyish came to play, since most of KA Applegate's alien worlds operated under similar principles. Come to think of it, this whole episode was one big love letter to Animorphs.

Insofar as the monsters were concerned, I only had a couple in mind going in, other than the dockengauts and valks of course. The bahemont scene was preplanned, as were those cone monsters that almost got Mami (they were originally going to be sandworms, but screw it, sandworms are overused). The design for the miscus were actually stolen from a monster idea I was going to use for Subconscious, but they ended up working just fine here. As for the others, those I deliberately avoided designing in advance so I could have fun making them up on the spot. The Worm was pretty much brainstormed on the fly, and it ended up being really cool if I do say so myself. It borrowed the whole hanging from the ceiling from Bongo Bongo in Ocarina of Time, while the rest of its body was designed around a cactus. And it really helped to have something so huge and terrifying be scared shitless by the dockengauts, as it helped drive home just how unstoppable they are.

Anyway, the bulletpoint approach really does help with action scenes. I think I've mentioned this before, but sometimes the coolest "found moments" come from trying to work your way around logical problems that show up unexpectedly. For example, during the freefall into the boneyard, Kyoko was initially going to just snatch Oktavia out of the sky and then sort of wall jump her way into the ground. Then I thought, "Shit, what about the wheelchair?" So I stopped writing and brainstormed for a few minutes before coming up with the spiral ramp of shields and having Kyoko literally ride the damned thing all the way to the ground, with Mami making the save at the end. Come on. I know it's far from the most memorable scene, but it was still pretty damn cool.

In contrast, more often than not scenes that get planned far in advance fail to live up to what I see in my head. Take the introduction of the first dockengaut. It came out fine when I first wrote it, or so I thought. But after going back and reading it over when the chapter had been up for a while, I feel I had ended up rushing the whole thing. It should have been drawn out more, delaying the reveal, making the formation of the dockengaut's body take longer while leading the dread build. Instead, it just went too fast. It's was fine for what it was, but it could have been so much better.

Same for the fight on the next chapter. Beat by beat it's fine. But I really should have played up the horror aspects more, especially when it comes to the lighting. In hindsight, it would have been a good idea to damage the equipment after all and screw up the lights, so that they would be flickering in and out, giving the dockengaut a more demonic appearance. When it comes to things like building dread and inspiring horror, aesthetics, pacing, and atmosphere are everything. As such, the dockengauts worked best when they were in the shadows.

Speaking of improvising versus planning, all of Kyoko's dreams about wandering around in the dark were made up on the spot, mostly as a way to slow the pacing down whenever she passed out. It's easy to slow things down when you need to if you have several characters to bounce the POV back and forth between, but when it's just one for the whole chapter, you have to rely on whatever tricks you can when the time comes for a breather. Dreams are great for that sort of thing. So are flashbacks. And in this case, I ended up liking the idea so much that it became a recurring motif, one that eventually led to the big rescue at the end. Plus, with Oktavia being absent, it helped build up the idea that Kyoko was developing feelings for her and made their reunion a little more special.

The same applies to the compass. I needed to give Kyoko some kind of advantage, and since I had already introduced the fact that she still has it as a Chekov's Gun in case I needed it later, now was a great opportunity to fire it off. As for it copping some kind of attitude, that was one of those on the fly things that made me laugh so I just rolled with it.

But with all the improvising and extra stuff, a few planned things did end up getting cut, one in which Kyoko's hiding from a dockengaut only for some kind of fist-sized monster crab thing to sneak up on her, shriek at her, and have her throat it right at the dockengaut and flee while its getting torn apart. The other was for her to make her final escape out of the caverns by rushing through a black tunnel filled with alien slugs, squishing them along the way and eventually have her jump out of a hole in the side of a cliff (that part sort of made it in). This actually were taken out not because they wouldn't work, but because I'd like to do another dockengaut themed chapter sometime in the future and didn't want to blow through all my ideas in one go.

Now, in regards to the meat slave Kyoko runs into, I had an idea for her to find a hole, peek inside, and realize that below was a huge cavern, with hundreds of meat slaves being devoured by thousands of dockengauts. While a great image, that was another thing that I felt would be better off used when the gang made their eventual return to dockengaut land, so a single meat slave was used instead. Which was good, as some things you want to start off small and slowly escalate.

That being said, I admit that I ended up feeling really bad for the poor kid. I have a personal policy to avoid redshirting as much as possible, and I hate it when innocents suffer and die horribly to get the monster of the week over while the mains get out unscathed, even if the death was temporary. But I had to make an exception in this case, as there was no way in hell Kyoko, or anyone else, could have saved her. To be fair, at least she wasn't completely forgotten. I had Kyoko rage at God at the end for never sending anyone to help her as a way to make up for things, which is more than they usually get in some of the shows I've seen. Still, sorry about that, kid.

Okay, let's talk about valks. Now, it's no secret that I fucking love Jurassic Park (first one only, accept no shitty sequels!), and the velociraptors were my favorite part of it, oversized and scientifically inaccurate as they might be. In fact, I like them better that way! Screw the feathers! Boo!

Anyway, yeah, I love raptors. And so when I decided that I wanted the gang to adopt a team pet, I first thought of giving them a dog. Except no, there's no way a dog would ever survive, so they needed something tougher. Then I realized that this was my damn story and I could do what I wanted. So if I wanted to give them an alien velociraptor as a pet, I could do just that. I just needed to find a way to make it work.

That was part of the reason for their surprise appearance way back in First Time (damn, that was like two years ago! Time really does fly). I wanted to take the concept for a test drive to see how people would respond and introduce the idea of valks imprinting on the first thing they see upon birth. And seeing how the valks got more fanart than most of the main characters, I'd say things went off smashingly well.

So it was time to reintroduce them, and since their first appearance had them getting killed off pretty quickly, I needed to get them over as a threat as well. Now obviously, I couldn't make them too OP. After all, super predators or not, they're still just animals, while Kyoko and Charlotte were "hot immortal chicks with superpowers" (Buffy FTW), but I still wanted them to have a good showing.

I just wasn't prepared for how big that showing would actually be.

See, for the valk fight, I only had a couple of bulletpoints in mind: the part where they run into the nest and the baby hatches, and the one where the valk gets thrown into the balboa trees. Everything else was to be made up on the fly. Unfortunately, when it came time to do it, I got hit with a vicious case of writer's block. The wheels weren't turning, the words weren't flowing, and I was about to smash my head against the computer in frustration.

Oh, I got over it of course. Sometimes you just have to force the wheel to get things rolling, to grit your teeth and power through whatever's got you hung up. But when I finally did break out of that block, I found myself confronted with the opposite problem: I was having too many ideas.

The fight just kept going on and on and on and on. Every time I ran into a logical issue (how do I get them from point A to point B? How do I get this valk over here to get killed by so-and-so?), the solution would end up inflating into five pages. And that happened a lot. That whole bit with the gorizzly was literally spawned from me just needing to figure out how to get the valks into the gorge. The miscus was me figuring out that the valks would have wised up and not attacked the girls directly, so I needed some other way to get Kyoko and Charlotte into the gorge first. The pillar was to get the girls into the labyrinth. And the…well, you get the idea.

Still, while frustrating, per usual the improvisions ended up making some of the best bits, and it was a good feeling when it was finally completed. Because wow, that was an ordeal!

Side-note: I did cut out a bit where Charlotte would impale a valk with her wires, forget herself, and then accidentally retract them with its blood still on them, necessitating Kyoko to cut off her arm before the poison paralyzed her, mainly because I couldn't have Charlotte taken out of commission that completely. I made up for it with Kyoko get blinded and having to cut out her own eyes, because CLEARLY I HAVE ISSUES!

That the dockengauts would "save the day" by taking out the two remaining valks was always going to be the ending though, as was the gunship rescue. I know it's a bit Deux ex Machina-y, but sometimes that's the way things have to be. I did got back and insert those transmissions between the gunships to sort of soften the blow, though I wouldn't blame anyone for rolling their eyes. Also, I again feel like I rushed that last dockengaut scene, but oh well.

The reunion scene sort of speaks for itself, so I won't comment too much on it. However, I will say that the way it ended got changed several times. See, Kyoko had a baby valk in her backpack, and it needed to be smuggled out safely. Well, if I had the border guards take the girls to their HQ as planned, it would have surely been found, and I couldn't have that. I toyed around with the idea of having the guards simply drop them off and let them go on account of being suspicious of the order to have them arrested or something and fearing that something was up, but that was too kitschy. So, having them just bail it was. And as such, no hot meals or good night's sleep in a warm bed for them. Sorry guys.

For the epilogue, it sort of served as an epilogue for the whole story thus far, with Charlotte aptly summing up just how lost they were. And let's face it, she's right; even Kyoko admitted it. And I have to admit as well, maybe I did go to a couple wells too many times, what with the girls (Kyoko especially) getting the snot beaten out of them and being pushed past the point of exhaustion. Also, having this episode end on a tearful reunion when the previous one had done so as well does kind of dilute the effect, which means going forward I'm definitely going to have to dial back the violence and find some more variety in the plots. Which isn't to say that there won't be other search and rescues or heavy fights that push the girls to the edge, just that I need to lighten up a little and stop putting them all in a row.

Still, damage done. Only thing to do now is keep moving forward. Hey, I did say these stories were intended to be a learning experience.

And boy howdy, have they ever been. While I'll freely admit that I've made numerous mistakes in Imperfect Metamorphosis, looking back it does seem that I've made even more in Resonance Days. I'm starting to regret the whole Alliance thing, as it takes away the edge the story had in its first few chapters. And the episodic format should have been in place from the beginning. And Help was used way too early, and sending Kyoko and Oktavia off halfway through was a mistake. And The Heist, while an interesting experiment in unconventional writing, was a total mess.

Which isn't to say I necessarily regret all the decisions I made or think this story is bad. Far from it, I love Resonance Days and the freedom it gives me. And most of it came out very well, I feel. However, let's just say when it comes from learning from your own mistakes, I have learned a lot, and continue to learn more with every installment. And I expect that I will also learn even more from the first Subconscious book, and will learn more when the fanfics start up again, and…well, you get the idea. No matter how much experience you have or how meticulously you plan something out, there will always be more mistakes right around the corner. And if I had to choose the most important lesson I've learned from writing fanfiction, it's that even if you do screw up in a major way, sometimes you just have to adapt on the fly and keep going, instead of throwing the whole thing out and starting over like I kept doing before Imperfect Metamorphosis.

Now, looking back on Monsterland, how did it stack up? Well, it has its problems. Again, I felt that I should have slowed down most, if not all, of the dockengaut scenes, change the atmosphere a bit, and built up more horror and dread. Also, in reading it back, I admit that the big valk fight is a sudden change of gears. The fight itself is pretty damned good, but after hyping up the dockengauts, having the finale be against a different set of monsters entirely does cause a bit of a hiccup.

However, while I do like Help a bit more despite it having more problems with its placement and execution, Monsterland came out the smoothest of the three episodes so far, in that I went in with a specific vision for what I wanted it to be and the final result being more or less how I envisioned it, plus a few extras. Even the parts I cut out were mainly due to wanting to use them later than discarding them entirely. So yeah, pretty happy with the final result.

Okay, okay, okay, let's talk about the baby valk. Well, to be honest, there's not much to say since the little dude was only just introduced, but even so, I've been looking forward to bringing him (and yes, it's a him) into the story for a long time. I know, it's kinda cheap to introduce him right before the break, but one thing at a time I guess. Anyways though, in addition to realizing that the team pet needed to be something big and mean enough to survive their various misadventures and to pander to my raptor obsession, I think another reason for going with a baby space raptor was sort of subconscious (see what I did there?), in when I read the Jurassic Park book for the first time, I sort of fell in love with the baby raptor that shows up for all of two scenes and was devastated when it got eaten. So I included a baby raptor of my own that wouldn't get eaten. While…killing off an entire family of raptors, juveniles and other babies alike. If younger me ever read this he would want to strangle older me. Well, tough luck, kid. I'm bigger than you.

Still, he does promise to add an interesting dynamic to the team. Especially given how Charlotte's likely to react. Oh, this is gonna be good…

Or will be. Huh, it's kind of strange. After this goes up, I'll officially be done with Resonance Days and Imperfect Metamorphosis for a long time. It is sort of eerie, in an end of an era sort of way. Still, sooner or later you have to take things to the next level, and as much fun as I've had with these stories, the sad fact is that there's no money in them, and if I just keep going with them exclusively forever I'll never get around to Subconscious. So this is it. In a few hours I'll be starting the project for which I've been preparing for…roughly about twenty four years. Twenty four years of dreaming, daydreaming, plotting, planning, writing, rewriting, scrapping, and obsessing. This is really it.

Well guys. It was an awesome near eight years. Stay tuned for what's next!

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