#it's super daunting and there's something about preserving it as-is that feels more holistic

[epochryphal]

the more time i spend around men who just knuckle down and bear tremendous hardship without complaining - the jewish men in my life, mine workers, bears, leathermen -

the more i am increasingly “oh.  oh, it really is power that was always the problem in my interactions.“  including when i have had power-over, because that impacts how they react to me

and the more i really love and relate to these gentle, quiet, “stoic” men and treasure seeing them get to be out of their shells and louder

and the more insight into myself i have

and the more hopeful i feel

#journal bloggin #i'm not the type who can delete posts or purge blog history or even go back and add Notes about views changing really #it's super daunting and there's something about preserving it as-is that feels more holistic #and i don't think i've been outspoken enough about some of the starker changes. and i'd like to be #but i know i bought into q-slur at one point. and i bought into misandry for much longer #and i got caught up in privilege frameworks that made me really hostile and also really vulnerable and constantly hurting #and i hope that in searching my blog even though old posts like that show up these newer ones do too #i hope it's a testament to development. which is something i value #especially as an exvangelical. it's important to me that there are visible firsthand changes over time #cuz it's small a lot of the time