#like funnily enough she'd literally respond better to an AU Scarlet recognizing her because she Knows Scarlet

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

listening to my Tideturners playlist was a mistake because I am having SO many feelings about the Sidewinder again.

she's not just any AU of Mai Trin; she's a version who's endured the absolute worst case scenario and lives every day in fear of losing everything all over again. but her story flips the entire narrative of Guild Wars 2 on its head; it's all a matter of perspective, and hers comes from an entirely different angle than we're used to.

what is a monster? as they say, to a bird, a cat is a monster.

the Sidewinder's monster is the Commander.

the first Commander she ever met was a tyrant who set the world on fire just to watch it burn. nothing could stop his rampage until there was nothing left to destroy. he made Scarlet Briar's war look like a playground scuffle; in fact, he did it by killing her and seizing her army to do it with. the Sidewinder doesn't have to wonder what a rogue Commander is capable of at their worst. she KNOWS.

and she also knows that if even a single one knew about her outpost, about her, about her people, and decided they were a threat to get rid of, there's absolutely nothing she could do to stop them. the most she could hope to do is be enough of a speed bump that the rest of the Turnabout can escape and make her sacrifice worthwhile.

she's spent decades building up a new world, a new society, and a new identity-- and in a split second a single person could bring it all crashing down. that absolutely terrifies her. it's all so fragile.

a major part of the Sidewinder's personal arc has to do with overcoming that dread to find common ground. because, truth-be-told, much as she'd insist otherwise? she's not so different from the Commander herself. she's fought long and hard to become someone worthy of the trust and respect that so many refugees from so many, many different worlds have placed on her. it's not enough to have it, she wants to DESERVE it. and even if she'd claim she's not there yet, most would agree she's succeeded. she's the beating heart of the Turnabout; none of it would exist without her. she's given all of them the hope that the heroes of their own worlds couldn't.

Mai Trin never wanted to be a leader or a hero or a politician. but as the Sidewinder, she's become all three out of necessity. she had no other choice. no one else was left alive to do it in her place.

so she puts on her mask, and she steps onto the stage, and she talks big, but deep down she knows that if the worst case scenario came back, there was nothing she could do to protect them, not on her own. the only thing that might stand a chance is another Commander, and is she really prepared to take a risk like that? is she willing to put it all on the line to fight for a future without fear?

and even if they are the right choice, even if they do agree to help in spite of it all... can she put one of the last good people at risk, knowing just what horrors they'd be up against? facing someone who's killed others like them a hundred times over, allowing them no rest even in death as their shambling corpses are conscripted into his undead army? how can she, in good conscience, expect anyone to face something so horrific with stakes as high as THAT? which is worse; that they turn against her, or that they trust her and die, adding another force of nature to their enemies' ranks? the Sidewinder doesn't know the answer to that question, if there is one.

there's so much weight on every choice she must make, and the consequences of every wrong move are unfathomable. she might not be the Commander, but that, at least, is one thing they have in common. the decisions they make will decide who lives and who dies.

all the Sidewinder can hope is that when she finally does make that leap of faith, she'll be ready to handle whatever results lay in store.

#my posts #the Sidewinder #Tideturners AU #i won't put this in the main tags because it's just me rambling incoherently and having Emotions but i just needed to Yell #honestly the most fascinating thing for me would be seeing what happens when she has the opportunity to meet other Commanders #specifically: ones that aren't crazed megalomaniacs like hers was! Ruju is SUCH a piece of work i need to talk about him someday #tbh if/when i actually put together a Tideturners RP group the first event would be a Commander gathering where she's trying to reach out #because she needs to! she KNOWS she needs to! but god there are SO many reasons that she doesn't. this woman has SO much trauma #any interaction between her and a Commander is bound to be interesting though regardless of whether they recognize her #because in both scenarios you'll get ENTIRELY different results... for better and for worse because Hoo Boy #if they don't: she'll just try to play it cool but she's so freaking nervous and is trying so hard to make a good impression #but she's still Mai Freaking Trin which means she's going to be a bit on the snarky side and definitely rough around the edges #and if they DO recognize her? how to give the Sidewinder a heart attack in one easy step. she'd freeze up IMMEDIATELY #like funnily enough she'd literally respond better to an AU Scarlet recognizing her because she Knows Scarlet #Commanders meanwhile are wildcards that can also be insanely destructive and dangerous and weren't always on great terms with Mai #and like. she knows that! she knows full well what her Reputation is elsewhere even if she left her version of the Alliance early #so while she didn't participate in like Any of that (Scarlet was already dead EARLY) she knows they won't know that #like. man. she's just fascinating to think about in terms of how she fits into everything because of what a mess she is #sidenote probably the saddest thing would be if she met a Commander who was a version of one she'd seen before #specifically: one that died holding off Ruju to let their timeline escape from him. that'd earn her trust immediately #though she'd feel SO bad about it and be very weirdly resistant to them facing Ruju directly (she already let them die once...) #I'm just. augh. all the thoughts tonight. explodes