#like i don't want this working 45-50 hours a week thing to go on indefinitely

[killerchickadee]

I usually work 7-3:30pm but I went in at 5 so I could get more done.... the idea though is that if you go in early you can leave early.

So of course I didn't get to leave until.... 3:30.

Part of why I wanted to leave early is so I could go grocery shopping, but by the time I got off I was like... nope. But I'm starving so pizza time I guess.

#thinking about that sweet ot #I'm already 3 hours over for the week #and it's my tuesday #i have to stay an extra hour friday and saturday cause lol there's no manager until 4:30 #and I'll probably stay late tomorrow let's be real #like i don't want this working 45-50 hours a week thing to go on indefinitely #but right now we're fucked for staffing #and I'm still trying to catch up on bills #so I'm exhausted but gotta do what you gotta do

[2-forthem-2-play]

I'm Just not Happy,

I feel ugly, I think I look fat,

I think I'm old

I think I'm lonely because of this

I'm angry

I hate the mirror

I don't want to go out anymore

I don't want to drink because I want to get rid of my belly,

I punish my self when I eat , I call myself fatso before I take a bite

I sing to myself

Fatty fatty fat so

Ugly ugly fat so

Eat fatty eat fatty eat eat eat

I frown at the mirror

I say I hate you to myself

I want to escape and go somewhere , ( some places tropical and never return ( Costa Rica maybe )

I've been keeping my phone on do not disturb indefinitely, I never answer it

I barely answer text .. I work and come home

I only speak to people at work but usually just wish they'd leave

I slept for 72 straight hours last week . I didn't bother to wake up until bi had to go to work

My family, trys to message me on Facebook but I don't answer .( Fuck um) They weren't here when I was really down when thing were really hard when everyone was dying and now that , things are better they want to talk .. why should I

I've got some money coming my way

I know I won't tell anyone .. I'm wondering if I should just bank it and leave . Just throw my phone in a lake ..

Get new email. New phone number, new Facebook ( or no Facebook,) and start a new)

Go off .loose this belly, do the thing I like instead of the things I'm susposed to like

( I hate drinking) I don't like bars ( even though I work in one) I hate crowds , I'm actually kind of shy ,( I have a persona that's " on stage" That's what a degree in comunicatins teaches you , I'm a great public speaker ,

But really I'd rather be at home with some close friends quietly playing a game or watching a movie

Or having sex

Or doing something spiritual

I just want to be quiet in water then be anywhere

I see people as energy vampires who take and take and take, who want me to dance for them like a trained monkey , " entertain us , more more more,"

But at the end of the day they give me little in return

I sat in my house, with no TV on. No music literally no noise for two whole days it still wasn't enough

I miss sentuary depravatin chambers they used to have them here you pay like 50 bucks your put in ( well it's a coffin with water that's at your body temp no sound or light ( God it was magical the fad didn't really catch on but I loved it

So nice 45 minutes of just silence

So great .. but people need stimulus, loud music, action

Yuck !!!!!