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#no one believes you when you try to explain that kazuha's trapped you in this situation
merakiui · 1 year
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thinking about how one of beidou’s teapot lines is her inviting the traveler on a journey across the sea, and her rough estimate of how long such a voyage will take is about one and a half years.
just imagine being trapped on the alcor for one and a half years with yandere!kazuha, who loves you to the moon and back and cherishes you with the most adoring, suffocating form of love, all while beidou looks on and happily encourages the lovebirds. it’s even better if kazuha has persuaded you to join him on the journey. your first mistake was agreeing, for now you have nowhere to run to when it becomes clear that his love for you is quite unhealthy.
what’s more is that he’s always so polite and kind. you can feel frustrated when his hand entwines with yours when you stand on the deck and gaze at the vastness of the sky above or when he has breakfast prepared for you every morning, but you can’t truly hate him because he never gives you any reason to hate him. he’s pure-hearted in all that he does. he’d never hurt you. he’ll always bestow the loveliest of compliments to you. you’re his love, his muse, his sweetheart. 
even if you’re averse to him for the first months of the journey, you’ll come to accept him eventually. a year and a half is plenty of time to erode the barriers you’ve put up. and soon you might even come to welcome him into your quarters. there’s only so much space on the alcor, after all. kazuha won’t overstep his boundaries, but if you’re too inebriated to make the distinction clear as he guides you back to your room... you’ll wake in his embrace the next morning, and he has diligently looked after and cared for you throughout the night. he hopes you might do the same if he ever gets drunk. though that’s a side he’d rather not show you often. it’s not exactly the most romantic thing in the world if he’s stumbling around or belting out incoherent lines of poetry at the moon.
if you try to escape when the ship finally docks at a port, kazuha will find you. you can’t forget his impeccable sense of smell. he has your scent memorized. it’s practically carved into him at this point. he’s spent more than enough time with you to be able to differentiate your scent in a crowd of hundreds. besides, what are you even escaping from? he’s not monstrous. he’s not frightening. he’s just sweet, compassionate kazuha, a man devoted solely to his beloved. 
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mintchocolateleaves · 7 years
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Cost of Freedom (27/52)
Summary: In which Kaito and Aoko reunite, and Shinichi tries his luck at explaining things to Kazuha. Prison ! AU
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No poker face can prepare him for this.
Kaito stares, heart pounding against his eardrums as Aoko stares back at him, eyes blank. There are tear stains marring her cheeks, and he feels almost as if he's been punched in the stomach. He's put those tears there, hasn't he? It's his fault that Aoko's crying.
“Tell me,” Aoko says, as he inches a step backwards, towards the door. She's cradling her phone in her hands, and Kaito watches wide-eyed as she lifts it up, fingers brushing the sides. “If I ask you to stay this time, will you?”
Kaito bites the side of his cheek, glances down at the carpet. If he runs now, then he should be able to get down the stairs in a manner of seconds, climb back out of the kitchen window before Aoko can even press the call button.
And if she chases after him, well, Kaito knows that he'll be able to outrun her.
Aoko raises an eyebrow at him, drops the arm holding her phone down and lets it rest against her leg. Her fingers don't move, not even a millimetre and Kaito holds his breath as she pushes herself up from his bed, standing, staring across at him.
“I take it that's a no.” Aoko says, and she lets out a laugh. It's strangled, almost pained, and Kaito lets  out a sigh as she hides her mouth behind her free hand. Blinking away tears. “I should have known you wouldn't.”
Kaito lets his emotions morph from blank, faintly shocked, to irritated. His eyes narrow in on the phone – she's still holding it, not making an effort to use it or to put it away – and Kaito thinks maybe there's already a phone call broadcasting to the police, or to Hakuba. Hell, she could be broadcasting their conversation to everyone.
They probably already know that he's here; Why is he still here?
“You're angry at me for not staying in a police station?” Kaito asks, after a moment, and the words are sour, like they've curdled. He doesn't know why he's so angry – maybe because she's infected his thoughts through one single phone call, and he can't stop thinking about some stupid difference. “I'm not going to stay in the lion's den just because you asked, Aoko.”
Her shoulders shake, and Kaito doesn't know what to do as she heaves a step forward, the movement heavy as if it takes effort to take even a single step. It's almost as if her body is made of lead, weighing her down.
“Kudo Shinichi would have stayed for Ran-chan.”
Kaito lets out something similar to a growl. It's feral, almost wild with it's intensity and Kaito isn't sure where exactly it leaves him, but he's starting to think a good word is 'unhinged'. He says, “yeah, well, Shinichi really needs to sort out his priorities.”
Aoko glances up, glares. “I think Kudo-kun's the one who has his priorities straight.”
Kaito takes a step forward, and for a moment there is only red anger, pulsing through his veins, burning through his eyes. All this time plagued by her face, all this time wondering if she'd give him answers to the question she's asked.
“You know nothing. You don't understand a thing Aoko! You never did.”
He doesn't even know why he's breathless, but he is. Maybe it's the anger he's feeling, filling the pits of his stomach, maybe it's just his own mental exhaustion catching up with him. Either way, part of him just wants to lay down and sleep. She doesn't understand because there is no understanding this, and since she won't give him an explanation...
The sound of Aoko's phone dropping against the floor is a loud thump. It echoes against Kaito's ears, and he feels blood filling his mouth from where he's bitten into the side of his mouth, nervousness setting in.
“If I don't understand anything, then it's because you never told me.” Aoko says, and she takes a step forward, and another, and another until Kaito's jerking backwards out of her reach when she lunges to grab hold of him.
She's almost as relentless as he was with Sato, because she jumps forwards again, fingertips brushing against his arm as she tries again and against to catch hold of him. How she can see properly through all of the tears, Kaito isn't sure but she can.
“If I don't know anything,” she continues, voice brittle, reaching its breaking point. “Then it's because you never said.”
Kaito narrows his eyes, moves backwards again. He's too busy watching Aoko's movements, the way one muscle will tense, uncoiling as she lunges forward, trying to figure where she'll move next, that he forgets about her phone on the floor.
He slips. Falls to the floor with a thud.
It's only because of quick thinking that he tucks his head in to avoid hitting the side of his bedpost, and for a moment, Kaito lays breathless on the floor, staring up at Aoko. She drops too, although hers is a more controlled fall, pinning him to the ground by his wrists.
“I don't have to explain myself to you.” Kaito whispers after a moment. He takes a moment to breath, staring up with slightly widened eyes. “I don't owe you anything.”
Tears stain his cheeks, and maybe it's a method of torturing himself but he won't look away from her eyes. He's been electrocuted several times, but somehow, somehow, the burning of her tears against his skin is worse. It's like he's being scalded.
Kaito squirms, tries to throw her off of him, but she doesn't budge.
“Yes,” Aoko says, “you do.”
Heiji doesn't know when he should let go of the breath he's holding in, so he doesn't.
Neither Kazuha, nor Kudo have said a word. Heiji's been waiting in a jaw-grinding silence since he'd told Kazuha that Kudo was on his way. It's remains even after they've left the platform, left Ueno station behind, making their way towards Ueno park.
Kudo walks in the middle of them, trapped between the two. Neither of the Osakan pair have had to explain what Kazuha will do if he tries to make a break for it. They don't need to tell him that Kazuha practises aikido and can keep him from leaving, Kudo can read it from her body language, from the way she stands and the muscles she's built.
Ueno park is loud – Heiji's not visited Tokyo a lot, but he's pretty sure that it's always loud. They climb up steps, make their way into the park, and yes, it is loud, and yes, there are hundreds of people who could potentially see Kudo's face, but somehow it is still the perfect cover.
Isn't that why Kuroba had suggested he and Kudo catch the train into Tokyo, because it gave them a chance to hide within the crowd?
Kudo's footsteps quicken when they're at the top of the stairs – not be a noticeable amount, but he does break away from them ever so slightly, only by a few feet. Beside him, Kazuha tenses. Heiji reminds himself to breathe.
“I can't believe I... I should have known all the cherry blossoms would be gone.” Kudo says after a moment, glancing up at the trees. Heiji wonders whether he's trapped seeing pink petals rather than the green leaves sprouting from branches. He wonders what else his friend is trapped seeing.
“Of course they're gone.” Kazuha says from behind him, as if it's obvious. She crosses her arms over her chest, quickens her steps so she's walking beside him. “It's May. The blossoms fell last month.”
Heiji, stays behind them both, near enough that he's still part of the conversation, but far enough that there is...
That there's what? A way for him to escape if this goes bad?
“I know,” Kudo says after a moment, and he turns, makes his way to one of the benches that sits by the side of the path. Kazuha follows after him, and while Kudo's perfectly fine with sitting back against the bench, she decides to stand instead. “It's just the last time I visited it was.”
Her glare is toxic, chilling. Heiji's almost glad that he's not the one currently on the receiving side of it, not the one being poisoned by the fire in her eyes.
“I remember readin' an article about ya, ya know.” Kazuha says, when she realises Kudo's not going to say anything else. “About how th' police arrested ya on yer way here, on yer way to view yokazura, right?”
Kudo goes still at the mention of viewing cherry-blossoms, and Heiji bites down on his tongue to avoid telling Kazuha not to torment him. He's read the arrest report, talked to Kudo about the day he'd had handcuffs bound to his wrists, but they've never fully talked about where he was going.
Probably because by that time, Kudo had wanted to forget. Probably because by then there had been bigger things to think about.
“That's right.” Kudo says, and he leans back against the bench, relaxing his shoulders as he looks up at Kazuha. Despite his relaxed shoulders though, he's ashen, counteracting any attempt to seem calm. “I was on my way to view the blossoms. It's kind of irrelevant now though, isn't it?”
Kazuha moves her hands to her hips, stares him down. “Oh, sorry, I thought since we got sidetracked on our location, we were allowed t' get sidetracked on our conversation as well.”
Kudo leans forward, leans his elbows against his knees as he interlocks his fingers together. Then, with his head slightly tilted, chin resting against his fingers, he sighs. “You're mad at me for sitting on a bench?”
Heiji shifts behind them both. He runs a hand through his hair.
“Not for sitting on th' bench.” Kazuha says.
There is a pause, between all of them. And maybe Heiji shouldn't feel surprise digging against his intestines, making him feel ill, but he does – because... What is with so many people thinking that he's incapable of thinking for himself. Why can't people accept that it didn't take manipulation for him to want to help?
“You don't have a right to be mad at me,” Kudo says, and his voice is even, the most controlled over them all. “You don't even know me.”
Her face contorts, her current annoyed demeanour transforms into a wild fury, eyes flashing with a thunderous energy. Kazuha says, “Exactly. I don't know ya. I only know of you.”
Kudo grits his teeth.
“And what I do know of ya, Kudo Shinichi, is tha' ya were imprisoned because th' police found evidence that ya killed six people.” She continues, venom dripping from her words. How she's capable of keeping her voice from raising into a shout, Heiji doesn't know – she normally always ends up shouting whenever her emotions become a tangled mess.
“I didn't kill anyone.”
“Oh, I take it tha' was a lie then, huh?” Kazuha asks, animosity rolling off her in waves. “And those prison reports of ya being violent, they're all lies too, right?”
Heiji turns to Kazuha, tries to recall when exactly she'd read over the case files – she's not a detective... she's never had much interest so when? It must have been yesterday, when she'd glanced over his shoulder to see what they'd been reading over.
“It was self defence.”
“Self defence against a guard? Oh please,” Kazuha shakes her head, “th' report said that ya attacked him first, which was why ya were in solitary confinement fer so long. Don't try ta trick me into believin' self defence.”
Kudo pushes himself from the bench, scoffs. “Oh, you've been in prison before have you? You can account for how perfectly safe it is inside?”
Kazuha takes a step forward. Her voice is shrill, strained. “The system is fair.”
“Oh please,” Kudo groans, “If the system was fair, I'd never have been thrown into a cell in the first place! Just get straight to the point, Toyama-san, you're angry because Hattori's involved.”
There is a pause, and Heiji is forced to watch as Kazuha takes a step back. He swallows nervously, eyes flickering between the two, trying to think of some way to calm them both down. They're lucky that people aren't looking at them yet, eyes roaming over them as if they're nothing but normal teenagers.
How nice would it be, Heiji wonders, if they were just normal teenagers?
“Of course I'm angry that ya got Heiji involved!” Kazuha says. “Do you know what ya made him do? If anyone finds out abou' this, then you're not th' only one goin' back to prison. You'll be draggin' Heiji down with ya, because ya made him an accomplice.”
“My life was at risk, I had no other choice.”
No other choice, but to die. It was the main reason why Heiji had decided to break Kudo out in the first place – he'd worked on the case for months before he'd realised that an escape was something they should be focusing on more. He'd made leeway on the case, of course he had, he'd followed all of Kudo's clues, but there wasn't any evidence that would hold in court.
Surely Kazuha will... She can't blame him for wanting to live.
She takes a step forward, presses a finger into Kudo's chest and lets out something similar to a growl.
“Maybe you didn't have another choice,” Kazuha says, “but now Heiji's life is at risk too.”
Kaito gives up trying to throw Aoko off, goes limp, and stares at the ceiling past her ear. It's strange, being pinned down by her after spending years of dancing around one another, chasing and being chased – playing cops and robbers.
“You're lying.” Aoko says, bottom lip trembling, “when you say you owe me nothing.”
Of course he is.
But shouldn't she know at this point that lies and poker faces are all he has left? Kaito has lost everything – his home, his friends, his life. The only thing that's left is a facade, an infection that has spread too far, taking everything.
“I'm not lying.” Kaito says and counts the cracks in his ceiling. He remembers months ago, when he'd forced Aoko to help him repaint the walls; Something he could have done alone, but had wanted her help with irregardless. It's strange how far away the memory feels, as if it's ink fading from a page, water dripping from an outstretched hand.
Sometimes, he wants to do everything he can to go back to times like that. Instead, he's got to deal with a ex-best friend who cries at the sight of him. He's certain there's some irony there.
“You are.” Aoko says, and removes one of her hands from his wrist to wipe at her tears. Kaito thinks that this is the longest she's ever gone without speaking in third-person, and he almost wants her to fall back into the illeism, to stop acting so serious with him. “You're the one who thinks you owe me.”
“Do you seriously think you know what I think?”
Aoko scrunches her nose, shakes her head. And then, after she's wrapped her hand back around his wrist, she says, “there are reports, about your time in solitary confinement,” - Kaito shudders at the reminder, - “so I've got a pretty good idea.”
“If you know that,” Kaito says, tearing his gaze from the ceiling to her face. She really is... She really makes him feel like his poker face isn't enough sometimes. “Then you know that I don't have an answer to your stupid question yet.”
The look receives is annoyed. Aoko says, “I know you don't have an answer yet, Bakaito, but the fact that you're actually trying to figure it out...”
“I'm not trying to figure it out,” Kaito says, “I'm actually trying my hardest not to think of it at all. Because there isn't a difference. I thought you said that you weren't going to talk to me until I figured it out.”
Aoko shrugs he shoulders, glances over to where her phone lays on the floor. She reaches for it, picking it up. There is a voice in the back of Kaito's head yelling at him to take it back, but he almost wants to see whether this entire conversation has been recorded.
“I lied,” Aoko says, and she pries the back of her phone case off, pulling the battery out. “If you'd bothered to test it, you'd know that.”
Kaito stares as she places her phone back down, the battery thrown up onto his bed. He lets out a choked breath, because he just can't wrap his mind around what she's... KID's a professional when it comes to getting into the thoughts of other people, becoming them, and yet Kaito has no idea what she's thinking.
“You're not phoning the police?”
She shakes her head. “Why would I ask you to stay, if I was only going to let the police take you away?”
A grin – small, uncertain – tugs at Kaito's lips. He says, “that's illegal, you know.”
Aoko offers him a small smile in return. It lights up her face, but not her eyes – Kaito wishes her eyes didn't seem so scared, so nervous as to what will happen next. She says, “you would know... If I let you up, will you stay? Not forever, but just so we can talk?”
Kaito's nod is slight, but he means it. And as Aoko lets go of his wrists, she pushes herself from the floor, walking back to sit on his bed. Kaito remains on the floor for a few seconds, stares back at a ceiling he will never see after today, before pushing back up to his feet.
He joins Aoko on the bed, sitting opposite her – closer, probably, than he has the right to sit. Not near enough that their knees touch, but close enough that it feels like there has never been any divide between them.
“I... was so scared when you escaped...” Aoko says after a moment, and Kaito's fingers twitch with a want to reach out and comfort her when she turns away. He ignores the need, realises he doesn't have the right. “I thought I'd never get to see you again.”
Kaito tilts his head, “you'd see me at heists.”
Aoko scrunches her nose again, shakes her head. “That's not you... KID... is like a performance prop, he's a role you fill, it'd be like watching an actor on stage. They're there, but it's not the real thing.”
He hesitates. “Is that the difference then?”
She turns, gazes into his eyes and offers a smile. Kaito feels the seconds as they fly past, silence deafening, tearing at his skin. “No.”
“Will you tell me it? You know, people shouldn't give out riddles that don't have answers.”
Aoko lets out a quiet, breathless laugh. It's not musical, but it could be, if it were louder – if she were more confident in their conversation. She offers a punch to his arm, more amused than annoyed.
“One day,” she says, “but not now. I'd like it if you thought about me for a little bit longer.”
Kaito can't suppress the sad smile that bloom in light of what she says. Instead, he leans forward and says, “you don't need to plague me with riddles just so that I'll remember you.”
Tilting her head to the side, Aoko asks, “don't I?”
“No.” He doesn't quite recall moving, but the sudden feeling of his hand resting on hers catches his attention, and Kaito looks down. He says, “there is no forgetting you. I sometimes wish I could.”
Aoko purses her lips. “That's not nice.”
“But it's true,” Kaito says. “I want you to disappear from my thoughts, because you're always there. Just at the tip of my consciousness, ready to call me out for every stupid thing I do.”
He doesn't receive a response. Not for at least a minute.
“Even after I found out,” Aoko says, “I didn't want you to disappear. It's just so boring without you around, and we were supposed to go to university together, and we were supposed to be...”
Kaito winces. He knows what she's not said. Together. They were supposed to be together. And yet, they're not – It's this fact that he wants to forget the most. Instead, he lifts her hand, spreading her fingertips out so they're not bent, and glances away momentarily.
This... Is probably not a good idea. And yet he wants to do it anyway.
“Kaito..?” She asks, as he places her hand onto his chest, just over where his heart is.
“Feel this?” He asks, gentle, so unlike his previous anger at her. “Do you feel it?”
Aoko frowns. “Your heartbeat?”
Kaito nods, hums his approval. Then he says, “it's broken. But it's yours. If you want it.”
Red tinges her cheeks. Kaito's pretty sure he's the same colour too, can feel the heat rising against his skin – he knows that it's possible for him to stop blushing, but for some reason, he doesn't want to. Aoko deserves more than just a poker face.
Aoko inclines her head. The smallest of nods, the smallest approval.
He moves forward, lifts her chin with two fingers. And leans forward. Aoko stays rooted where she's sat, but she parts her lips, just slightly, and offers the faintest smile. For the slightest of seconds, his leans his forehead against hers, and then he tilts his head, lips meeting hers.
Aoko's hand moves from over his heart, reaching down to interlock with Kaito's own.
Her lips are soft, not overly so – Aoko's always had a love-hate relationship with lip balm – but soft enough. When he finally moves away, lowering the hand that has been cupping her cheek, Aoko is red. She tilts her head, gives him another smile – a full, real one – and squeezes his hand.
“Stay?” She asks, after a second.
“Okay.”
Kazuha knows that she should remain calm, but there's something very wrong with this entire situation and knowing about the trouble Heiji's gotten himself into is making it very hard to remain controlled. She wonders whether anyone will blame her if she ends up smothering him when they get back to their hotel room later, because she's seriously considering it.
“If I was caught again,” Kudo says, staring her in the eyes, “I wouldn't give them Hattori's name. I wouldn't do that to him.”
Kazuha wants to believe him. Not just on this – but on the fact that he's innocent. She doesn't like the idea that Heiji's been manipulated, it isn't something she likes to entertain, but well... Maybe Heiji doesn't know, but he does still need protecting sometimes.
Maybe she's not protector material, but Kazuha knows it'd be stupid not to try. While Heiji will help anyone he can, Kazuha's devoted to helping him. (Maybe that would be more special, if Heiji wasn't such an oblivious idiot, but he is, so it doesn't.)
The thing is though, she can't find it in her to believe. There's little evidence – they've not been talking long, but it shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes to convince her. If there's no evidence, than the case of 'make Toyama Kazuha believe' is going to end with Kudo being found guilty. Again.
“Is tha' right?” Kazuha asks, and she turns, deciding that walking through Ueno park will be a lot better than standing still. Heiji and Kudo follow behind her. Their paces matching hers. “And what if someone figures out th' connection between ya both? They won't need your statement then.”
Kudo glances away. Guilt blooms across his face, and it's little expressions like these that make her want to believe that he's innocent. She's met killers before – she's travelled with Heiji on cases – but not one of them has shown guilt quite as subtly as this. Either there is a lack, or there is an overplay. His expressions are neither.
“Kazuha, what's done, is done. Let tha' bit go.” Heiji says. “Just make up ya mind on what ya think now.”
She glances over her shoulder at him. It's the first time he's talked since he'd set up the meeting between them. He'd been quiet on the train, and he's been practically mute since they met up with Kudo. Looking at him makes her relive summer days spent climbing trees in search for neighbourhood cats, forgotten kendo practices that she'd had to drag him to...
“Right,” Kazuha says, and turns back to Kudo. “Is there any evidence at all that you're telling me the truth?”
Kudo pauses, halts in his steps, forcing Heiji to walk straight into him. Beside them, Kazuha stops too, watching with concern as Kudo's eyes widen, as he pulls his hand into his pocket, pulling out a phone. It's an android – an older model, similar to Kazuha's own.
“I think I've got evidence you might believe.” He says after a moment. He opens the case, removes the battery and looks at Kazuha, “can I borrow your charge?”
Kazuha decides it'll be better for her sanity if she doesn't ask how he knows what type of phone she has – it must be some weird detective skill, because Heiji has it too – and she pulls her pocket out instead. They shuffled to the side of the path again, out of the way of walking tourists.
Handing Kudo her battery, she watches as he slowly forces his phone to come to life.
Beside him, Heiji says, “the missing phone. One of the missing things that never made it to evidence.”
“Because I hid it.” Kudo says. “It's got some evidence, but I thought it would only incriminate me at the time, so when I hid my case files, I hid the phone as well.”
Kazuha bites at her lip. It hurts slightly as her teeth graze raw skin, but she decides not to say anything. Case files? Heiji had said that he'd been framed for looking into a case... So it must be files on that.
“You never said anything about evidence on ya phone,” Heiji says, and he's frowning.
Kudo lets out a nervous laugh. “Yeah, I did. I didn't know how you'd react, so at first I thought it'd be best not to mention it.”
He enters his passcode, and the screen brightens, leaving him with just an ordinary phone. Kazuha tries to look over, but says nothing, simply waits.
Kudo presses into his messages.
“See, shortly before the police found any of the six bodies, I'd always get a text to my phone.” Kudo says, and he lifts his spare hand to scratch at his neck. “Of the crime scenes themselves.”
He shows the picture to Heiji, then turns to Kazuha. Previous attendances to crime scenes in Osaka are the only reason she doesn't throw up – she pales though, feels slightly faint. Heiji's moves his hands to her shoulders, making sure she stays stood up.
“They're different though,” Heiji says after a second. “It's not the same crime scene as the police reports.”
Kudo nods his head. “Exactly. I think it was one of their plans, you know. They wanted me to mess up during the investigation and say things were different. So the pictures...”
Kazuha feels understanding flash through her. Her mind recalls the interview she'd overheard yesterday, unable to forget it. She says, “that's why you said you had to solve the case from two angles. The way the police saw it... and the way you'd seen it before...?”
He locks his phone. “Yes.”
It's almost enough, but... She wants to say he's telling the truth, but, it could all be some ruse. Some way of making sure that someone would believe it if they came across the phone. But then... Kudo hadn't shown anyone since he'd hidden the phone over a year and a half ago...
“Is there anything else...?” She asks.
He nods again, eyes lighting up as if he can see that he's getting through to her. “Yes, I-”
His phone buzzes. The three of them seem to jump at the sound, staring down to face it. Heiji's arms around her dig into her shoulders. Kazuha feels her legs waver. Opposite them, Kudo lets out a small cry, something not quite human.
Unknown number. His phone reads. One new picture message.
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