#olivia ''can only focus on everything that's wrong'' warren

[philicheesecake]

(UL) Broken Promise

Warnings: Gore, graphic violence, language

Word count: 3870 words

Masterpost The back of Eli's head thudded against the hard wall behind him from the impact. Blood poured down from his nose. Rebeka's eyes were flaring with fury and disbelief. She went to lunge for the giant, but Skinner grabbed her from behind, holding her back. This only enraged her further.

"You're lying! Warren trusted you! Dammit— HE TRUSTED YOU!"

She could hear Olivia trying to calm her down, but she tuned it out. Her focus was on Eli, that monster. Eli didn't look too surprised by her reaction. He wiped his bleeding nose with a slight frown, though other than that, it was hard to read what his thoughts were.

"He never should have," Eli murmured.

"Rachel, let's just step back for a minute, I know this is a lot." Olivia put her hand on her arm. Her voice was more firm and commanding now.

Rebeka seemed to falter for a moment, just appearing to overwhelmed to act, before she swung her head back to head butt Skinner and squirmed free. She lunged for Eli again, but Skinner grabbed her by the back of the shirt, and with surprising force, flung her across the room. Her back thudded against the wall and she let out a cry of pain as she slid to the floor. She must have hit her head badly from the impact. She appeared dazed and unfocused, wobbling once she tried to pick herself up, then fell back down on the ground, bleary-eyed.

Skinner didn't seem to have expected this level of impact from the blow, and the surprise only showed through his eyes for a mere moment before he cleared it. He walked over to where Rebeka laid, letting out a sigh. "It's over, Pace. There's nothing you can do about it."

Rebeka rested her cheek on the floor, staring ahead aimlessly. Tears poured from her eyes, clouding her vision. A small sob broke out within her.

Skinner crouched next to her, laying a hand on her shoulder. He almost appeared... sympathetic beneath his guarded veil. "Monsters take everything from us. Friends... families... the world we live in... our own lives... It hurts like hell, but... it gives us something to fight for. And you have lots of fight in you. Hold it tight until your knuckles bleed. The monsters think we're weak. But each day by breathing, we prove them wrong. And when you force the breath out of their lungs... it's the only thing that makes this pain worth it. "

He rose to his feet, locking eyes with Eli. The looked away. Rebeka was still shaking on the floor, curled up tightly around herself. The fight in her was short-lived, and now had melted into utter defeat.

"Olivia, can you take her back to her sister? I need to take care of some things uninterrupted," Skinner spoke.

Olivia sighed and nodded. She gently picked up Rebeka's arm, and the girl shakily was brought to her feet. She hugged herself, not raising her gaze from the ground. She was unsteady on her footing. Whatever effect the impact with the wall had on her was lingering. It might have been the only reason she snapped out of aggression so quickly.

Skinner lingered in the room a little longer after Rebeka had left. He gave the giant an odd look. Eli met his gaze, before scowling down at his feet again.

"You see what you do, giant?" the Collector spoke. "Every single person you've eaten leaves a scar. I hope your petty meal was worth it,"

Eli sighed, "Nothing I say or do will make it any different, so it's useless trying. I'm still a monster Always have been. You're wasting your time talking to me,"

"You're right," Skinner said. His hand went to his bandages where the werewolf had scratched him with a slight wince. He seemed to reflect on something, then turned to leave.

"Skinner?"

The man stopped, glancing over his shoulder.

"Go easy on Rebeka, okay? Losing a sibling... isn't easy."

Skinner's expression hardened. "I know."

With that, he slipped out of the door, leaving Eli alone in the room.

***

The following weeks did not pass by smoothly.

Rebeka wouldn't speak to anyone. She wouldn't eat or drink either. Olivia would often find her curled up within the kitchen of the cafeteria beneath the counter, just trying to steal some spare moments of solitude. Warren's leg had been returned to her, and she only threw it in Skinner's face as a response.

While Liss was a child, she wasn't a fool. She understood what was going on. She seemed to reflect off of Rebeka, since she was older. Since Rebeka hid her grief alone, Liss didn't seem to know how to express it. Some other survivors within the cafeteria helped take care of Liss in the times that Rebeka went missing. Olivia even tried to cheer her up between her projects, showing the little girl the ropes on basic alchemic concoctions, even letting her play with a small dose of nymph ice to create flowers. It did help a little.

***

Skinner hurried down the hallway, putting a hand to his head with a painful wince. He had felt like something was wrong from the moment they got back. He reasoned it must have been the giant saliva that was making his wounds feel strange. That damned giant must have infected his wounds. He was willing to bet it was on purpose. It was no secret how much the giant hated him. As all monsters did.

He returned to one of the offices where the Legion members stored a lot of books and files of information. A three-ring binder laid out over his desk with various sticky notes and tabs that kept track of various categories of knowledge within. Stacks of paper were set next to the binder. Reports that he had requested from some Hunters' recon. To the corner of the room, a cop's surviving canine laid, resting it's nose on the floor lazily.

Skinner tried to focus. He had a lot of work to get don, he just felt... antsy... Something just wasn't right, and he couldn't put his finger on what.

He sorted through the papers on his desk, reading through the reports. He would find himself rereading the pages multiple times to retain any information. Maybe he just needed some rest. Yes, that had to be it.

He lowered the papers as he could hear the dog move. He glanced over at it. The dog was licking its paws and grooming itself. Skinner smiled slightly. Dogs were cute when they did that. It nibbled on its paws, singling out each toe, and cleaned its claws. Skinner found his gaze fixed on it for a moment. Something began to occur to him. His grin gradually faded.

The claws.

All color left his face. He scrambled out of his chair, stumbling to his feet. In his clumsiness, the chair knocked over, clattering loudly to the floor. The noise alerted the dog, who stared up at him, cocking its head.

Beads of sweat trickled down the man's forehead. His breaths quickened. He fumbled forward and tore open the drawer of his desk. A single silver-edged knife laid within. He bit his lip, staring at it with wide eyes. He shakily began to reach for it.

***

"Katherine, I need you in my office ASAP."

The woman glanced down at her radio, pausing in her actions. She wiped off grime from her hands. The voice had caught her in the middle of cleaning out some guns the Legion's Hunters would be needing. Across from her, Olivia was at work dousing bullets with a purification ice coating. Liss was helping her measure out the ingredients. It was nice to see the little girl had someone to take care of her when her sister was unable to. And it seemed good for Olivia as well.

"You know you can just walk here, right? We're in the same building, Tyler," Katherine chuckled into her device.  She leaned back in her chair with a slight smirk. "Getting lazy?"

"Please... just come on over here..."

She sighed. His tone sounded serious. "On my way,"

Katherine rose to her feet, quickly packing away the gun she had been working on, then headed out the room.

***

Skinner's office door opened before Katherine could even lay her hand on it. The man quickly moved aside for her to enter. He was holding his clenched right hand close to his chest, partly out of view. She could notice instantly that something was very wrong. He appeared worried.

"What's going on? Is your hand alright?" She stepped further into the room, and Tyler shut the door, locking it behind her. He turned to face her again with a grave expression.

"Katherine... Ten years ago, you made me a promise. Do you remember what that was?"

Her brow furrowed. "You mean when your family..." she paused, nodding. "Of course I remember. I said I wouldn't let the monsters come anywhere near you..." she sighed. "And then you joined the Unseen Legion."

Skinner huffed, "Yeah, that's right... You offered protection, and I sorta screwed that up, didn't I?"

"Why are you remembering this now?" She asked.

Skinner hesitated for a moment, then slowly unraveled his hand from his chest. It was bright red, and appeared to have just been burned.

Katherine glanced down at it, "Jesus, Tyler, what happened?"

"Silver," he stated simply.

Her gaze snapped back up to him. "What?"

"The werewolf attack," he said, bringing his hand back to his chest protectively. "One of the wolves scratched me. Some werewolves lick their claws to clean them."

Katherine's eyes widened. "You... don't mean that...?"

"Katherine, I need you to kill me."

She was stunned into silence. She finally spoke, firmly. "I can't do that."

"Katherine, you promised—"

"I never said I would fucking kill you!" She hissed. She forced a deep breath. "We just need time to think, okay? Partial lycanthropy can be—"

"—Unpredictable? I know. I collected from and studied a number of lycanthropes myself. I know how it all works. Some partials are just as bad-- even worse than pure bloods. If a single drop of werewolf saliva entered my blood— which it did— I'm infected. I'm cursed. It's been a month since I had been scratched.  I— I don't have a lot of time left." Skinner rubbed his arm, glancing to the side.

Katherine put a hand on his shoulder firmly. "Tyler snap out of it and listen. We will figure this out. Not all partials even transform. We can wait this out and quarantine when necessary, but I am not going to raise a finger against you if there's the possibility you're okay."

Skinner shuddered. He slowly pushed her hand off of him. "I don't want to be a monster. I'd rather die than go through any of that. I'm too risky. I could get this entire building infected..."

"Tyler, just wait. Please. You realize how cruel it is to ask this of me, don't you? When is the next full moon?"

"Just a few hours."

Katherine looked down. "Damn." She let out an uneasy sigh, then met his eyes again. "We have time. We'll arrange a room. And IF you transform, we'll act. But there's no saying if you will. I will not lay a finger on you unless you do. Am I clear?"

Skinner sighed. He tapped his fingers along the desk, looking down at his feet. He didn't seem happy about her idea. "Fine. But if— If I change... don't hesitate. Just kill that monster,"

Katherine pursed her lips, then nodded. "Fine. Deal,"

***

The sun had just set, and Eli wished he could have seen the stars. He had been locked in this room for a month now, only occasionally visited by Olivia or one of the Legion members. The Legion took advantage of a giant in captivity and took some samples of blood, saliva, and sweat to use as alchemic materials and research for later on. The samples were useless if collected while he was in camo, so they took measures to restrain him securely during the times he returned to his giant form.

The room was painfully small for him to squeeze into like this. He was crouched beneath the ceiling, sitting in the far corner of the room. A Collector had only had time to work on setting everything up for another blood draw, before she was drawn away by a Hunter needing a word in private about some other matters. The Collector said she would be right back, but Eli had now waited for over an hour.

He just sat there in a tired silence as he waited. When it was nearing two hours, he could hear footsteps just outside the door, then the door opened. Eli glanced up, and the surprise was visible on his face. It was Rebeka. He hadn't seen her in a month.

That strange, rotting feeling clenched in his chest once again. He should feel familiar with it at this point, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Remorse had eaten at him ever since her brother's death.

"What are you doing here?" He managed to say.

Rebeka shut the door silently, then went stopped at the side of the room opposite to the giant. Her arms were crossed tightly, and the rigidness could be seen in her posture and movements.

"I want to hear it from you."

Eli blinked. "What?"

"Warren." She said stiffly.

Eli sighed, beginning to fidget uncomfortably. "I thought Olivia already told you what happened. The Bands..."

"I said I wanted to hear it from you." Rebeka interrupted. She glared at him in the eyes, cold as ice. "Did you want to kill my brother?"

Eli's eyes widened. He hesitated, then opened his mouth to speak.

A sudden crash from the room next door seized his attention. He snapped his direction towards the sound.

"What the--?" he murmured.

Rebeka barely seemed to notice it. Her attention was fixed on him. An anger seemed to rise up within her. "Are you seriously avoiding the question now?"

"I'm not-- how the hell--?" he began to tug on the chain around his wrist. A distant howl broke out through the school. His eyes widened. "Werewolf?!"

Rebeka stiffened. "Wh-what? How did it get in the school?"

Eli looked back at her with urgency in his voice. "Get Liss. Get somewhere safe. The cafeteria isn't secure."

"She's-- she's with Olivia right now."

Eli sighed, "Good. Olivia can hold her own." His ear twitched towards the door. There was a clattering sound, then something large moving about down the hallway. He stiffened. His eyes flit over to Rebeka who was moving toward the door. "Wait! It's right outside,"

She froze in her action, taking in deep breaths. She drew out a knife from her side. "I can't let it get to Liss."

"Rebeka-- just wait, please. Olivia will take care of her. But unless that knife is silver, you can't risk it. Liss has already lost enough without you throwing your life away."

Rebeka gritted her teeth. The wolf could be heard sniffing outside the door. She forced out a stiff sigh, then moved to lock the door. A loud bang rattled against the door and she flinched backwards. Another bang shook the hinges, worse this time.

"It won't hold." She realized.

Clear alarm read through Eli's eyes. He spat on his wrist, then worked to try to slip it out of the chain's cuff. The banging persisted. Splinters and chunks of wood flew off of the door. Rebeka could now see the werewolf's claws tearing into the door. She backed away, gripping her knife more tightly.

Eli gritted his teeth, pulling harder. There was a sickening cracking of bones as his hand was crushed within the cuff, but he pulled it through. He was free.

At that instant, the door was smashed open and the wolf stood within the doorway. It stood at five feet high on all fours, relatively small for a werewolf. Its fur was a coppery orange, and its lips were pulled back into a snarl. It spotted Rebeka across the room and lunged for her.

Eli grabbed Rebeka's arm and yanked her back. She shouted and slashed her knife at his arm, but he held tight, curling around her as a living barrier as the wolf lunged for him and bit and tore its claws into his his arms, trying to tear his grip away from her. Eli wouldn't budge.

He could feel the terrified human squirming in his grip, and her pattering heart and frantic breaths. He felt a clench of guilt in his chest. After killing her brother, she was pinned uncomfortably close to his final resting place, practically held right against it.

This wasn't the time for guilt, however. He couldn't release her while that wolf was around. And he was already significantly weaker than normal, half-starved, sleep-deprived, and dehydrated. His right hand was completely crushed and broken, and his arms were currently being shredded to pulp by the werewolf's rabid jaws.

The door flew open and Katherine burst inside, bearing a handgun. She pointed it straight at the wolf, gritting her teeth, but hesitated.

"What are you waiting for?! Shoot the damn thing!" Eli barks.

The wolf whirled around to face her. It's fur bristled and its jaws were drooling hungrily. She backed against the wall. Her grip on her gun shook. "Skinner... Don't make me do this."

"Wait— Skinner?" Eli balked. The wolf was ready to pounce, but Eli knew to act quick. "Rebeka, get Katherine out of here."

He released his grip around her, then lunged at the wolf. He flung his fist at its skull, driving its head into the ground. The impact dazed the creature. Rebeka made a run for it and grabbed for Katherine's hand. Katherine resisted in the doorway, pulling back.

"Don't kill him!" She shouted at the giant.

Eli didn't respond. His main focus was on the half-conscious wolf, pulling it into a death grip in case it gained strength to fight back again. He was bleeding all over the place, and he seemed to have trouble keeping consciousness at this point. It was hard to say how long he would manage to hold onto the wolf.

Katherine couldn't afford to wait much longer, and Rebeka's insistent tug on her arm managed to finally persuade her to move. Eli was left alone with the wolf, bleeding out on the floor.

***

Eli blearily opened his eyes. Everything hurt. His limbs felt like they were made of lead. He was faintly aware of being slumped over the floor on his face, while his arm was wrapped around something unmoving. He glanced down at it.

Skinner looked like he had been through hell. Beneath the bright red bloodstains that coated him, his face seemed to have lost most color. A nasty bruise swelled up over his forehead, tinted in an ugly purple. He was breathing. Just barely.  They just laid there for a while. Breathing. Eli closed his eyes again, resting.

It was a while before Eli could hear Skinner begin to stir. He he took in deeper, raspy breaths, then coughed hoarsely in his throat. The giant opened his eyes again, looking down at the smaller man. Skinner finally managed to catch his breath again and put a hand to the sizeable purple lump on his head with a pained groan.

"Wh... what happened?" He whispered. "W-wait, where are my clothes?" "Ah, priorities, right?" Eli grumbled with a roll of his eyes. He managed to shrug off his green flannel overshirt and dropped it over Skinner. It was more like a blanket at his size, but at least it covered him. "Welcome to the world of monsters, Skinner,"

Skinner pulled the shirt over himself, almost too tired to operate properly. When he heard the giant's words, he went still. Any remaining color in his face was gone. He opened his mouth to speak, then coughed again. Blood splattered his lips. He rasped a few shaky breaths before managing to find his voice again. "W-What the hell h-happened last night?" Eli leaned back again, looking up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes, letting out a tired sigh. "You happened. Little orange wolf went attacking Rebeka and Katherine. Don't know if ya hurt anyone outside of this room, but I managed to hang onto ya for the rest of the night." He let out a bitter chuckle. "Well ya Collectors like taking monster blood, don'tcha? I think ya took enough outta me for me to have a long break from all that shit." Skinner's eyes widened slightly. "W-wait-- you-- you mean that I-- I transformed?" Eli rolled his head to face him, raising a brow. "Ya deaf?"

Skinner shuddered. "B-but-- no... no... Katherine was supposed to stop it-- I told her to kill it--" His breath hitched, and his eyes filled with terror. "You-- you said it attacked her? Is she okay? God-- I-- the wolf didn't bite anyone, did it?"

"Not to my knowledge. I dunno if ya visited any other rooms aside from this one. I didn't smell any blood on her, though,"

Skinner let out a deep sigh, seeming to relax, just slightly. There was a pause as Eli's eyes drifted closed again. Sleep fluttered just out of reach. Distantly, he could hear shaky breaths. A weak sob. Eli blearily glanced at Skinner again. His hands covered most of his face, though tears were seen pouring down his chin, mixing with the dried bloodstains.

"Hey," Eli nudged his shoulder.

Skinner barely reacted. His breaths quickened, muttering frantic words in a whisper. "God-- I'm-- I'm a monster now. I'm a f-fucking monster!"

"Hey." Eli grunted more firmly.

"Shut the fuck up."

Eli let out a deep breath. "Skinner, chill. Monsters ain't anything new. Ya just happen to be one now. Ain't a big deal."

"I beg your fucking pardon?" Skinner seethed. "I lost my fucking my mind and I-I almost killed my friend!" "And what do ya think happened between me and Warren?" Eli said evenly. "Same song there, tiny."

"We're nothing alike," Skinner growled, then coughed in his throat.

"You're right. We're not alike at all. I was born a monster, and ya got turned into one. But that ain't any reason to ask your friend to kill ya. It's not you or her. It's just... working out where to go from here." He sighed, closing his eyes again. "You're selfish for being afraid of losing her, so ya say ya'd rather die but ya only see it as something noble as putting her through the same kinda loss ya fear. Ya just can't stand the idea of actually havin' to work through this and dealing with this curse."

Skinner went silent for a moment. "Why are you telling me this? You don't give a damn about me."

"You're right. I don't. But I know what it's like to lose someone. Especially at your own hands."

Skinner went silent again. He let out a slow, shaky sigh, then curled up on his side, his back facing Eli.

"Ya can worry about this later. I ain't got the energy for being your therapist after ya drained half of my blood." The giant yawned. His mind began to drift again, close to passing out. The blackness was blissful, and distant from the all-encompassing pain he was a captive of. He could hear footsteps begin to approach the room just as he began to drift off once more.

#unseen legion series #unseen legion literature #unseen legion story #unseen legion #implied vore #vore story #monster fiction #werewolf story #minigiant story

[the-domestication-of-the-dog]

The 9th Annual L.A.O.K Awards

I’m no artist, but I did love art class growing up, and let’s just say I’ve won a few coloring contests in my day (God did I live for coloring contests). Let’s also say that in high school I did a watercolor of one of my stepmom’s nature photographs, and let’s say that it ended up in the yearbook. That watercolor was the crowning achievement of my many classes with Ms. Warren, our high school art teacher. Let me paint a picture of Ms. Warren for you: short spiky blonde hair, this pattern Gap button down every day, long denim skirt, and the unfaltering attitude of someone who was born to be an artist but instead ended up teaching ungrateful teenagers who called things “gay” around you even though you were clearly a lesbian.

Months after completing that watercolor, I began work on acrylic painting I’ll admit was uninspired, but I still gave it my best. The composition featured a bird on a branch in narrow focus, so that everything in the background was blurry, and I had planned on giving it to my mom as a Mother’s Day present. The problem was that I had no idea how to paint something out of focus, and instead of doing any research or asking my teacher how to do that, I just dove right in and painted from memory and tried to make the lines really soft. Here is that painting, which still hangs in my mother’s bedroom to my everlasting shame.

If you look closely, you might recognize that I cut my losses on this one. That’s because it was at this point in my progress when I fully realized I was in over my head and decided to ask Ms. Warren for some tips. She came over to my desk, looked at the painting for a good 10 seconds, and finally uttered two sentences I’ll never forget: “Garrett, sometimes in art you hit, and sometimes you miss. Your watercolor was a hit.” And she was off to the next student.

That said, sometimes a year in movies is a hit, and sometimes it’s a miss. 2017 was a hit. Now on to the next desk:  

Best Film Eighth Grade The Favourite First Man Mary Queen of Scots Sicario: Day of the Soldado

First off, anyone who didn’t like Mary Queen of Scots can meet me in a laundry cottage halfway between England and Scotland in negative 460 years for another asskicking. What is there not to like about this movie? According to Ben Friday, extreme historical inaccuracy. Okay, if anyone comes up with any non-nerd reasons, please let me know. The second film in my top five that you’re going “Guh, what?” to: Sicario: Day of the Soldado, was actually very good, and it turns out everyone is wrong for thinking it’s not. Wow, definitive proof here (https://letterboxd.com/g_baby9000/film/sicario-day-of-the-soldado/). I also loved First Man’s slow burn. La La Land was a misstep for me from Damien Chazelle, but now I’m right back on the Chazelle train. Bravo for making an unconventional, understated historical biopic, which drives through its seeming monotony with an ever building tension that keeps it compelling from start to finish. Then there’s The Favourite, which continues Yorgos Lanthimos’s reign over this annual list. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the dictum came down to the Fox marketing department that they were going to go wide with this movie. 

And the Layokie goes to… Eighth Grade

In the lead up to Eighth Grade I thought two things: 1) I hope it’s not that good because Bo Burnham’s age and career make me feel inadequate, and 2) It probably isn’t that good because everyone’s talking about how good it is. In LA, if you don’t see a movie until after its release date you are a total loser, and I went even a few weeks after that, so it was already sufficiently hyped. I honestly didn’t expect much from it, and it totally blew me away with it’s humor and heartwarmingness in a way that no other film matched in 2018. I’ll talk more about this great film below.

Next Five The Ballad of Buster Scruggs Cold War First Reformed Roma Shoplifters

Also Great Avengers: Infinity War Beautiful Boy Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot. Outlaw King The Rider A Star is Born Vice (Why does everyone hate Vice? My thoughts on Vice.)

Best Original Screenplay The Ballad of Buster Scruggs - Joel Coen & Ethan Coen (1/6 adapted) Shoplifters - Hirokazu Koreeda Eighth Grade - Bo Burnham The Favourite - Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara First Reformed - Paul Schrader

And the Layokie goes to… Eighth Grade

Not to retread the obvious, but I think about Eighth Grade and its screenplay in much the same way as Avatar. Predictability and the use of stock plotting does not equate to bad writing, and even if you know exactly what’s going to happen (Kayla must end up with Gabe) it can be done in such a satisfying way that the story still sings (which is the reason why the same story lines continue to be retread). From early on, we can guess pretty much what Kayla’s arc will be, but the fact that it plays out in just the right way, so that you can’t really imagine it had the potential to be anything else, is what makes it such a high mark in screenwriting. Getting to this point in a screenplay is very difficult, because it’s usually only after figuring out the 50 paths not to go down that you realize the obviously correct one. When it finally clicks which Scene B should follow Scene A, the screenwriter too realizes that it couldn’t have been any other way, it just takes a lot of work to get there. I put Eighth Grade on for my second viewing while building an IKEA dresser a week or two ago, and it filled me with such glee. I was doubled over with laughter more than once and had to watch some scenes five times before I could move on.

Best Adapted Screenplay Annihilation - Alex Garland Beautiful Boy - Luke Davies and Felix van Groeningen Leave No Trace - Debra Granik & Anne Rosellini Mary Queen of Scots - Beau Willimon Sicario: Day of the Soldado - Taylor Sheridan

And the Layokie goes to… Mary Queen of Scots

Like I said above, I don’t really know anything about the historicity of this movie. Apparently the rabble-rousing preacher that everyone was supposed to hate actually was cool and founded my own church’s denomination? Anyway, I loved the way this was paced, only parsing out the information you absolutely needed and trusting you to catch up through its many jumps in time, expertly illustrated via cutbacks to Queen Elizabeth. The characters were complex (especially Elizabeth) and the dialogue was snappy. There’s nothing better than seeing someone in an authority position take someone’s shit just long enough before thoroughly dressing them down at the exact appropriate time, and Mary gets many such chances to shine thusly.

Best Director Damien Chazelle - First Man Alfonso Cuarón - Roma Yorgos Lanthimos - The Favourite Pawel Pawlikowski - Cold War Josie Rourke - Mary Queen of Scots

And the Layokie goes to… Alfonso Cuarón

Was tempted after another viewing to switch this to Damien Chazelle, but I had already written the following paragraph, and I’m too lazy to redo it. From the opening shot of Roma, two things are clear: you’re in the hands of a great director, and it’s a damn good thing you’re in a theater because it’s gonna be a long, slow ride. If you watched this on Netflix from start to finish without looking at your phone, I salute you (and I’ll say the same for The Ballad of Buster Scruggs). If you haven’t seen it on the big screen and live in LA, it’s currently playing at the Landmark and Vista, so check it out. Also how insane is it that Cuaron will likely win the Oscar in this category this year, making Mexican directors winners in this category 5 out of the last 6 years? Specifically, Cuaron, Alejandro González Iñárritu, and Guillermo del Toro, who were already known as the Three Amigos long before going on this stretch?

Honorable Mention Ari Aster - Hereditary Alex Garland - Annihilation Paul Schrader - First Reformed Stefano Sollima - Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Best Actress Emily Blunt - Mary Poppins Returns Lady Gaga - A Star is Born Joanna Kulig - Cold War Thomasin McKenzie - Leave No Trace Soarise Ronan - Mary Queen of Scots

And the Layokie goes to… Soarise Ronan

I’ve talked about this before, but it seems so many years I struggle to come up with a good list of best actresses (while supporting actress overflows with abundance). I had wondered if I was just a misogynist, but it became clear to me over time that there just weren’t nearly as many films with females in starring roles, let along female protagonists. However, not only did I have trouble paring down my favorites to five this year, there were many more female-driven films I could have drawn from. I really felt like this was a year for women in film, and it was great. The idea that women/minority leads can’t drive box office success seems finally to be a thing of the past, and it’s about damn time. This all probably comes across as liberal posturing, but if you know me well you’ll understand it’s really born from my own selfishness. First, I don’t want special treatment over anyone because I highly value fairness, and the reason highly value fairness is mainly because I don’t want anyone else to get special treatment over me. Second, I don’t care if a story is about women, black people, Asian people, aliens, some fish, or a fuckin’ toaster, a good story is a good story, and I don’t want to miss out one because some marketing executive wants to save his ass. Not once have I ever been not able to get into a film because the protagonist was a different age/race/gender than me. Even though some of them aren’t on this list, Annihilation, Ocean’s 8, Thoroughbreds, Suspiria, Roma, The Favourite, Widows, and Mary Queen of Scots not only had female leads, but fully female-centric casts, and all were either da bomb, fairly da bomb, or da bomb-ish.

Honorable Mention Yalitza Aparicio - Roma Claire Foy - Unsane Claire Foy - The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Best Supporting Actress Olivia Colman - The Favourite Tyne Daly - The Ballad of Buster Scruggs Cynthia Erivo - Bad Times at the El Royale Nicole Kidman - Boy Erased Regina King - If Beale Street Could Talk

And the Layokie goes to… Tyne Daly

Pretty thrilled TBoBS is on Netflix, because I recently went back just to watch my favorite two segments: “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs” and “The Mortal Remains.” Still not really sure what “The Mortal Remains” is all about ‘cause I’m not that smart about that kind of stuff, but damn did all five of them chew up the scenery, and none more so than Tyne Daly.

Honorable Mention Zoe Kazan - The Ballad of Buster Scruggs Marina de Tavira - Roma Rachel Weisz - The Favourite

Best Actor Ethan Hawke - First Reformed Nicolas Cage - Mandy Ryan Gosling - First Man Viggo Mortenson - Green Book Christian Bale - Vice

And the Layokie goes to… Christian Bale

I didn’t hate Vice, but it seems like everyone else did. I also didn’t love The Big Short, but it also seems like everyone else did, somehow causing the people who loved The Big Short to hate the Vice. But I don’t think you can deny Christian Bale on this one, or at least I don’t think you can triumph Gary Oldman in The Final Hour or whatever it was called, but deny Christian Bale in Vice. (Scroll down to see that I didn’t triumph Gary Oldman last year, even though he might have deserved it.)

Honorable Mention Mahershala Ali - Green Book Bradley Cooper - A Star is Born Joaquin Phoenix - Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot

Best Supporting Actor Robert Pattinson - Damsel Linus Roache - Mandy Timothée Chalamet - Beautiful Boy Harry Melling - The Ballad of Buster Scruggs John Malkovich - Bird Box

And the Layokie goes to… Timothée Chalamet

It’s about this time that I get tired of trying to come up with something to write for everyone of these, so I’ll take my comments of the air. Timothée Chalamet was great!

Honorable Mention Jake Ryan - Eighth Grade

Best Documentary The Dawn Wall Minding the Gap RBG Three Identical Strangers Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Syeeeke. Did I say I was done coming up with things to write? ‘Cause I got lots to say about this. First let’s get it out of the way. Free Solo is a mediocre documentary about some excellent subject matter. Jimmy Chin made another one of my favorite documentaries, Meru, that definitely did not get the acclaim it deserved, so if he finds that acclaim with Free Solo, then super. And if it wins the Oscar, I won’t be sad about it. What I will be sad about, is that another documentary, also about climbing El Capitan, The Dawn Wall, got totally overshadowed be Free Solo. I watched The Dawn Wall first, and I think that may have something to do with shaping how I felt about Free Solo, but The Dawn Wall had a better, more interesting, more likable protagonist, with a more interesting story to tell about himself and his climbing attempt and way better climbing material! Now, there’s no denying that climbing the full height of El Capitan without a rope is riveting, awe-inspiring, and completely insane, and the 5-10 minutes of Free Solo that actually cover that feat are impossible to top, but if for the other 90 minutes (both films are exactly 1:40) you’d like to watch a doc about climbing El Capitan, it has to be The Dawn Wall. If you’d like those 90 minutes to instead be about a whiny guy who lives in van, then by all means, champion Free Solo. I don’t want to say too much more about why I think it’s better, because I want people to see it and experience it. Hopefully it starts streaming soon. (And if you did see and like Free Solo, please check out Meru, which is currently streaming on Netflix.) The other docs were also great, and what a shame that Won’t You Be My Neighbor? didn’t get nominated for an Oscar, which made me cry evertim.

And the Layokie goes to… Duh, The Dawn Wall -- (See how the wall below makes Alex Honnold’s Free Rider route look like the freaking Aggro Crag from Nickelodeon’s GUTS?)

Best Foreign Film I only saw: Border Capernaum Cold War Roma Shoplifters

And the Layokie goes to… Shoplifters

Now, as always, on to the fun stuff:

Refuse to Watch Any more Clint Eastwood Movies

The 15:17 to Paris was truly a straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back-breakingly bad movie. Literally worse acting and writing than some student films I’ve seen. And I’m not talking about the Student Academy Awards, I’m talking about the ones I watched from my own peers in my own undergrad film classes. And I’m not talking about some USC or UCLA film classes, I’m talking about University of Oklahoma film classes, where they actively did not give us film equipment to use, because we were a studies program and not a production program, even though no one there wanted to do anything but be writer/directors, and they seemed to resent us all for that fact so we had an edit bay in like an old closet or something and it was on one of the original iMacs with the hockey puck mouse and everything. The last tolerable Clint Eastwood move was Mystic River don’t @ me.

Great in Everything Award Joaquin Phoenix - You Were Never Really Here, Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot, The Sisters Brothers, (and when do we get to see Mary Magdalene??) Cynthia Erivo - Bad Times at the El Royale, Widows

Best Lesbian Rachel Weisz

Deserves Discussion Damsel

Hmm, a New Wave Anit-Western starring Robert Pattinson with folk dancing and real-life weirdo non-actors, an obvious grand slam slam dunk, right? Wrong. Boy do I wish I had known the Zellner Brothers were also the ones behind Kumiko the Treasure Hunter before going into this. I could have at least prepared myself for all the meandering. I don’t really mind meandering if it serves a story/theme, say like in another seminal film in the genre, Meek’s Cutoff, but you can miss me wit dat meandering for meandering’s sake. The script for Damsel is a great example of an antithesis for what made Eighth Grade so great. The meandering here is not only in the physical sense, but also in the story sense, where no scene absolutely had to happen, and nothing in particular means anything. You would think that a character strapping dynamite to themselves and walking a few miles would fill a theater with Hitchcockian dread and similarly provide a Hitchcockian catharsis when that character eventually blows up. Instead, it’s just one more in a long line of things happening that never add up to what we would call a “story.” Like in Kumiko the Treasure Hunter, the interesting parts that never make up a whole are in themselves still interesting, and I’ll forever be grateful for that film’s gift of the discovery of the Yamasuki Singers. In the same way, I’ll forever be grateful to Damsel’s opening credits sequence, the chance for another stellar character performance from R Patt, the incredible mise-en-scène, and for giving Mia Wasikowska another opportunity to put a mediocre film on her back and carry it to the finish line (what if some day she starred in a good movie??). Perhaps my harshest criticism of Damsel is also one of my proudest film-watching moments. The film’s true lead isn’t even featured on the poster; it’s a character named Parson Henry, portrayed by David Zellner. About 3/4 of the way in, I thought to myself, this actor is so absolutely lacking of anything you could call charisma, I bet it’s the director and he cast himself in the lead role, and you know what? It was. *sunglasses emoji*

Best Song All of the Stars

Best Score Tie: First Man and Isle of Dogs

Many LOLs Avengers: Infinity War Eighth Grade The Favourite Mandy

Most Surreal Movie-Watching Moment When me and Becca and Joe and Natalie went to see Rampage kind of as a joke when we had our Moviepasses so it was like whatev, and the theater was PACKED even though it was a week or two after it came out, and at one point The Rock is going in for a pound with the big white gorilla that he trained, and the gorilla fakes the pound, then flips off The Rock and starts gorilla-laughing at its gorilla antics, and the audience went. fucking. NUTS. Like it was the purest moment of comedy that ever existed. It was a Sullivan’s Travels-level eye-opener for me. Give the dumb galoots what they want, and what they want, is to see a gorilla give The Rock the finger.

Most Non-Fun Fun Movie Ready Player One

Please Stop Giving Melissa McCarthy’s husband bit parts in Melissa McCarthy movies (didn’t hate The Happytime Murders btw)

The Something Award Sorry to Bother You

The Nothing Award Crazy Rich Asians

Best Scenes Annihilation - Watching the camcorder footage Aquaman - Escaping the trench creatures Bad Times at the El Royale - Any time Darlene sings The Ballad of Buster Scruggs - All of “The Mortal Remains,” which was basically a single-scene segment Eighth Grade - Chicken nugget dinner The Favourite - The dance (putting my fingertips to my mouth then and then giving it a chef’s kiss: “MWAH”) First Man - the m-er f-ing moon landing (damn that was good, had me on the edge of my seat in both viewings) Free Solo - Despite what I said above, for a stand-alone scene, you cannot beat the final climb Incredibles 2 - Jack Jack/racoon fight The Girl in the Spider’s Web - the motorcycle escape Mandy - So many, but it has to be the Cheddar Goblin Mission Impossible: Fallout - The bathroom fight The Old Man & the Gun - When John and Forrest meet Outlaw King - When they finally(!) had sex A Quiet Place - The very beginning when the whole theater went silent Roma - Fermin’s naked martial arts, Fermin’s denial (so sad!), and the fire A Star is Born - v basic of me, but you cannot deny the first “Shallow” performance The Strangers: Prey at Night - The pool scene Upgrade - The first upgraded fight Won’t You Be My Neighbor? - A lot of them, but it has to be “It’s You I Like” at the end

Best Visuals Annihilation Cold War Mary Poppins Returns The Ritual

Worst Movie of the Year

The 15:17 to Paris (turnoff)

A Wrinkle in Time (walkout)

The Nun

Fireworks

The Meg

Winchester

Rampage

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Hold the Dark

Fahrenheit 451

Sadly Missed/Haven't’ Watched Yet At Eternity’s Gate Blaze Burning Destroyer The Kindergarten Teacher Lean on Pete Madeline’s Madeline Mid90s Never Look Away Private Life Support the Girls We the Animals The Wife

Absent on Purpose BlacKkKlansman Black Panther Blindspotting Bohemian Rhapsody

#layokies #movies #oscars