#out of spite genuinely if I knew I could kill her I would've offed me

[californiannostalgia]

me, an abuse survivor, listening to laudna's conversation with delilah and finding it alarmingly relatable when laudna

1) keeps hold of her own moral codes but also relies upon the abuser as a valid source of advice (and doesn't realize why this is a weird place to go to for advice)

2) reverts to familiar coping mechanisms of the Past, when shit was real fucking bad

3) is unable to remember what made human relationships worth it

on the one hand: YES, HAHA, YES, THIS IS SO REAL, I AM BEING REPRESENTED

on the other hand: I have enough objectivity to realize this is not a great situation for laudna, and her behavior probably looks incomprehensible to someone who hasn't been subject to long-term abuse... (but this is accurate representation, the internal logic is water-tight, guys I swear it makes perfect sense)

#critical role #cr spoilers #c3e78 #laudna #delilah briarwood #tw abuse #my thoughts #tbh laudna is so much stronger than me bc if I'd heard my abuser/murderer's voice in my head and realized I couldn't get away from her #I would have killed myself (but maybe that's bc I don't have an imogen) #out of spite genuinely if I knew I could kill her I would've offed me #laudna is braver than me for real #ah trauma #child abuse