#someone literally told me they had a sex dream about me and i'm like haha that's hilarious but be fucking for real

[spoondrifts]

wish there was somewhere i could talk freely about my body image issues without feeling like a waste of space attention seeking lazy fuck

#lol!! #the way i've never voiced it out loud to anyone in my life before and every time i try to i freeze up and literally can't speak #it's bc there's no fun and casual way to say that i want to disappear & never be seen again every time i look at my stomach #whoopsie lol sometimes i wish i had the mental strength to starve myself but then i remember that eating disorders are bad and then hate #myself for that train of thought even occurring to me in the first place #got rly close to developing an ed over the summer and it felt good to indulge the obsessiveness i feel every day but don't act on #i'll preach body neutrality all day long & i believe it wholeheartedly for everyone who isn't me #LOL!!!!! #anyway dreading my next doctor's appt bc i'll have go get weighed and that might be my breaking poing actually #i haven't checked since i was fourteen because it made me spiral so badly #isn't that fun! isn't that cute! i'll literally never say this aloud to anyone in my life #when you undress in front of a mirror and the unspeakable self-loathing hits 🥴 #constantly feeling so physically repulsive that i can't believe anyone would ever be attracted to me despite rampant evidence otherwise #someone literally told me they had a sex dream about me and i'm like haha that's hilarious but be fucking for real #when i don't get physical affection one singular time i instantly wonder if it's because i'm so fat & ugly & monstrous that they can't #stand the thought of touching me #additionally hating myself for lacking the strength of will to exercise consistently on top of all that #can't build habits! what a fun adhd quirk that totally isn't destroying my life at all

[ghoulangerlee]

Ohhhhh my god I feel you on this whole bc shot thing. I've been on it for a little over two years because I'm trans and getting my period was so bad for my emotional wellbeing I had to do something. I didn't wand an IUD, and I forget to take my medication a lot so the pill wasn't ideal. I was told by two different obgyns that they wouldn't consider removing the uterus becsuse at the time I was only 21 and ""What if you chsnge your mind!!!"" 🙄🙄🙄🙄 so I really dint have a whole lot of options.

On one hand I like not having to worry about the whole thing for 10/11 weeks at a time but on the other hand I also really like not having feeble bones! I've been taking calcium supplements but the pills are huge and I worry it isn't covering the issue entirely. I don't get enough calcium to begin with becsuse I can't drink milk and stuff, so I worry that it's a bandage on a knife wound so to speak.

Last time I was at the clinic for my shot I raised the issue again and the doctor there was like "wait you're literally trans and have no plans for children why the hell don't we just get rid of it????" And I'm just sitting there like why the fuck did the last two people I see not give me this option!?

Anyways I need to discuss the idea more with her but oh oh to get this fucking thing out of me....oh to dream....

Sorry rambling in your asks but this sucks and I sure hope we both get the cool fun and fresh resolution :)

oh my god anon, i feel you. i've been on it for...almost 5 years now? I think around August 2019 is when I started it finally. It was unfortunately the only option we could find for me. I actually can't have any bc that has actual estrogen in it because of my high blood pressure and the family history of blood clots. And like, at first it was fine and dandy! I was okay with it because after 7 weeks of a heavy cycle I was so exhausted and just ready for it to be over. And it's been gone! pretty regularly for the last several years.

Sometimes if I'm incredibly stressed it will sneak up on me but it's like, leagues better than it was. Max 3 days and barely anything at all. So, very manageable for someone who y'know. had it much worse (to the point it would cause my iron to drop significantly all the time).

I hate obgyns who refuse to do things because "you might regret it later on" like, no actually I think I'll regret having this thing inside my body I don't intend to use and having to stay on the shot for the rest of my life. I'm in a same-sex relationship, I don't ever intend to physically carry a child, I just want the thing gone lmao. I've told obgyns that in the past and yet they still insisted on telling me that I might "regret" it.

So, my surgeon did mention that viactiv is a good supplement, which is apparently a chocolate calcium chew haha. My biggest concern is that I have osteoarthritis and being over 30 now, my bone density doesn't come back as fast as it does for someone in their 20s. My doctor is also concerned about it too. I mean like also the weight gain is terrible too, like holy shit it's been the worst (strong ass bc, strong ass side effects I GUESS)

THOUGH APPARENTLY there is a bone density therapy that they can do which will help with keeping your bones strong. I didn't know about it and no one ever thought to mention it to me when they started talking about my bone density lmao. Normal Calcium supplements make me extremely nauseous and I can't take them, so I just stopped lmao.

And I think from there, that's when I sort of decided I wanted to look into getting rid of my uterus for good. Like, I don't plan to have kids, I don't need it. Why should I continue this shot, why should I keep putting myself through this.

Also, idk if you've experienced it, or if its just because I been on it for so long or if it's something else entirely, but in place of the period I just get cramps :) really bad ones :) it's great and what I've always wanted from bc haha.

honestly that's a good doctor, why haven't they suggested it sooner? Literally the surgeon I'm seeing is, ironically, the first obgyn I saw when I switched insurances and go to where I go now, and from the beginning she was like "you're in a monogamous same-sex relationship whenever you want the surgery we can just take care of that" and idk I wasn't in the right place then, I think, to consider it.

yeah it's a long process from my understanding, we're building a case right now, as my surgeon called it, gonna have some imaging stuff done, a few more tests and then we'll set the date and just. remove it. thankfully, no early menopause for me (ironically the One Thing i was most worried about?? I don't know, I've got so much going on, I didn't want to even consider dealing with menopause bc guess what the treatment for that is-- the same damn shot I'm trying to escape lmao) ANON!!! I wish the best for both of us!!! Let me know how things go!! (if you're comfortable!!)

#menstruation tw #anon asks #anon you never gotta apologize for rambling in my asks pls know that im always here to talk <3 #i am dealing with the same thing you are it seems (the hell shot) #weight tw

[biffhofosho]

chapter 5

THIS IS IT!!!!! And I am as frozen as Naran!! Thank gods Hyungwon is making good decisions because someone has to be rational.

 OK first of all, the fact that they have have witnesses is HORRRIBLE, but then him helping her remove the crown and the pins is just sosososo intimate and loving and I AM LOSING MY MIND

She nodded, and he added, “Let me know when you are comfortably in bed, and I will join you.”

I DON’T THINK I WILL SURVIVE THIS

“They kept their voices low to protect what was left of their privacy, but it had the ill-intended effect of making the prince’s voice deep and raspy. Vaguely, Naran remembered the voices and sounds of the other men she’d been with, but they hadn’t sounded like this. Hyungwon sounded like sin itself.”

OH, I WILL NOT

THIS IS TOO SEXY I CAN’T STAND THIS

The massage? The whispering? Her hair???? I AM HOWLING

Of course she has to remind him of the boundaries…. Let’s see how long they last, hehehe

HE NEEDS TO TOUCH HER OR I WILL COMBUST

“Please, my lady, touch me just a little, too,” he begged.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

NOW SHE’S ON TOP!!!!!! Las mujeres arriba!!!!!!!

“She wrapped her hand around his base to position him as she needed. Hyungwon uttered something dark in Goryeon, and though she had no idea what it meant, the ragged throat clear on the other side of the curtain told her it was something never said in a palace.”

THIS IS LITERALLY MY DREAM (dirty talk in a language I don’t understand, not people listening to me having sex)

THEY ARE BOTH SO NEEDY AND HE IS ABOUT TO LOSE IT I AM DYING

“I’m—” Hyungwon glanced toward the curtains that surrounded the bed and lowered his voice even further. “I’m not your first?”

“Nor the second, so don’t worry on that account.”

Raguhljknsvd\uhhuadfuhiuiheruiuihghusdfuas iubdfadfnjvdsnkldv\skm|sc;m 

“He devoured her deliberately, a little here, a little there, while her body held his manhood warm and safe. Through the red haze of pleasure, she felt him stir inside her as he grew hungrier, and the more his tongue chased that need, the more anxious the rest of his body became. His hips struggled in vain beneath her, but Naran held him in place. Hyungwon’s breaths became shorter and more ragged as his frustration mounted.”

OH MY SWEET BABY YISUS!!!!

“I felt that,” the prince said through heavy panting, “the way you squeezed me. You feel incredible, princess.”

Naran rose up a little higher this time and sank back down firmly, and they both moaned. “I do?”

“Better than anything I’ve ever felt.”

THIS IS KILLING ME, I am glad I did not make a video commentary cause I would be just making pterodactyl noises

Also, the word choice in this chapter is perfection

“Hyungwon shook his head. “I should probably stay just a little bit longer, you know, to… encourage our efforts to take?”

LORDT, PLEASE HAVE MERCY

#oh the way he kicked the witnesses out, kjasdkjndvsknjs\dvkj\dvs

Their las conversation was…. Omg i don’t even have more words, everything was so perfect and so sexy and so beautiful and I can’t wait to be destroyed in the next chapter. I will try to read them as they are released from now on!

HAHA, I AM CAUGHT UP BUT NOW YOU ARE NOT. hehehehehehehe

I may or may not have written this entirely out of love. Does it show? loldeadme So, yeah, it was stupid vivid in my head, the thought of his fingers unraveling hair. SHOOT ME.

Definitely I went with the sexy, comforting route here. Gotta ease our nervous nelly into such an intense situation, but also... like... it's Chae Hyungwon, ya know? IMAGINE HIS FUCKING FACE AND VOICE AND HANDS. No, no. Down, girl! *self-immolates*

Omg, girl, always boundaries. Compartmentalizing is the only way to keep your sanity in such a place, I think.

Woman, how you gonna live your dream when you know every damn language! ;)

I'M DYING AT THIS RUNNING COMMENTARY, BUT DYING EVEN MORE OVER THE THOUGHT OF YOU MAKING A LIVE REACTION TO THIS. GIRL, BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THAT WOULD BE MORTIFYING.

Thank you, beloved! I work SO hard on my word choice, as you know. I'll be honest. This chapter holds a special place in my heart out of everything I've written (but that's also probably because it's Wonnie).

This was an EXTRA fun review. I love you always and forever for your play-by-plays. Makes me feel like I'm with you (but also, tbh, kinda glad I'm not because my face would be in my hands as I wheeze into a paper bag from embarrassment lol).

<3

#gee thanks #new bestie! #prisoner to temptation #cue the mask quote #SMOKIN'!

[kurosukii]

Be prepared to journey with me to dreamland. So normally my dreams love cunt blocking me, or as I love to call it "sandbagging" bc its preventing me from flooding my half of the US.

So last night I had a weird ass fantasy like dream where a bunch of people were in this large cave entrance holding a ceremony to pick the next monarch. In this world they didn't pick monarchs by blood line, it was a giant sky whale that looked like something out of Shadow of the Colossus, that basically announced the next monarch after the previous one dies.

So I end up standing on its back and it tells me I'll be the next princess, but I'll only be crowned or given the title post mortem. Like fucking great, so I'm going to die soon? Literally the monarch before died and they needed another but were only going to consider me one after I died. Wtf? So anyways, after it's prediction it starts to split and fall out of the sky, me along with it, and guess who saves me from impending death? Atsumu Miya (which I find humorous bc I have the hots for Osamu and in the dream it was clear that Tsumie was my bff).

So after that we go on a quest bc I need my Arthurianesque sword in the stone, which my sister finds and pulls out. Turns out anyone can pull it out but only the chosen one can put it in this weird portal to open up this tomb with other stuff. So I put this huge white glowing blade into the shining hole (not a euphemism) and this tomb comes up from the ground. I open the door and there is a scepter that looks like the hook ones that shepherds use. At the tip was a giant crystal. There was also a snake pattern. Snakes are an ongoing theme in my life, it's not even funny anymore.

Of course I reach out for it. Once I take it a monster awakens, bc of course it does, and it comes after me. I keep it away with the end of the scepter and can only do minor damage with the sword at that distance so I call out for help. Who is the first to show? Tsumu. He helps kill the beast. Then we go foraging around for things like in a typical fantasy rpg video game. Yay, quests.

We end up at a place that gives upgraded armor and weapons for your class. Mine automatically is more of a mage's robes instead of a typical fighter. And I had this epic hat that looked like a mushroom. I need to find the type of mushroom bc it was cool looking. And all white. I guess so the blood stands out. Haha.

Then I had to choose outfits for my "coronation" I picked a gold and biege one that was very pretty and flows and then this purple one with a halter top and huge purple ruffle skirt. It looked like a wedding dress. As Atsumu aptly put it. He told me to pick it and I went with it too deciding to change outfits throughout the evening.

So as I was getting ready Atsumu sneaks in the back and we're about to start having sex and someone fucking walks in! Like wtf?! So we stop and he kisses my cheek and says, "cya Ina bit, princess. Let's get married". It was funny bc I think it was supposed to be an arranged one too. But they only arranged it after I was announced as princess by the whale.i guess they figured why not we're besties. Man, dis I hate being cockblocked.

Second dream I don't remember too well, why you may ask? Bc I actually had sex in it. NOT ONLY THAT BUT A FUCKING THREESOME WITH MAKKI AND MATTSUN!!! I'm telling you my brain hates me. It either always interrupts me or I can't remember. Only a handful of times have I ever remembered the sex in my dreams. All I remember was it was intense and slow. Makki was teasing me a lot as Mattsun was sucking on my neck and balls deep in me. Man how I wish it was real.

omg 😭 how the hell do u guys get sex dreams 😭 my dreams are so fucked up that if i tell people about it i’ll be institutionalised 😭

#FUCK can i have one seggs dream #AT LEAST ONE #CHRIST ALMIGHTY #can i lose my dream virginia LOL #[ 🂢 ] – peacheat #[ 🂡 ] – jul replies