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houses-of-healing · 7 years

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I'm upset. I've run for two positions of leadership in robotics related student organizations and I lost one, and got a really low level position the second. I consider myself a leader and I was confident in my abilities but I'm starting to wonder if they're right and I'm missing something or I've been doing something wrong. I don't know what to do and I'm realizing now that I'm expecting too much of myself and others by trying to do all this when I'm not put together. I don't deserve these

(forgot to number, part 2 of “I’m upset.”) Positions of power and I’m really confused. I feel a wreck and I’m exhausted of fighting for what’s right and trying to fix everything. I’m just so tired, and what’s worse is that I’m stuck in this emotionally abusive family for two more years and I can’t get out. And on the robotics thing, there were awards and things I wanted to do, to accomplish, and now I don’t think I can. Since im not in power I can’t really do anything until next year; and at(part three of “I’m upset”) Point I’ll only have one year, one season to pull everything together. I wanted to accomplish something but right now I feel small and powerless. I know once I get out of this damn abusive house I’ll probably collapse with burnout from not only that but school, and I’m just so fucking sick of feeling so helpless. I usually make do by not giving a fuck, but that’s not working at the moment. I’m already trying to raise money for the move after I graduate, and I’m only(pt 4 of “im upset”) I’m only 16. I feel like a hypocrite for even bringing it up bc I usually get angry and defensive when people bring up my age because of my history with that being used as reasoning to dismiss my ideas and arguments and validate their abuse. Im starting to realize too many things about my behavior and I hate that my parents and my terrible environment have shaped it all but I’m also simultaneously okay with it bc I try to convince myself i like who I am now and so it’s okay(Pt 5 of Im upset) because it’s ‘made me who I am today’, but its just frustrating as fck. I hate feeling like I’m merely existing in a cage, I hate feeling so damn helpless and afraid. My mom recently confiscated my tarot cards (shes previously taken books I bought with my own $ or received of my own volition, and uses her ‘religion’ to abuse me). Im too tired to practice my beliefs and I don’t have that invaluable tool so its become rlly hard for me to get valuable advice. Thnks 4 listening -C

ASK FROM C TO ANYONE

To my dearest friend C,I hope you are doing okay now. I know it’s a very tough situation to be in right now, but remember you are extremely brave and resilient! You are here and that is what’s the most important. I’m so proud of you.You will hear this a lot and I know you've heard this many many times before, but you are very, very young. You have only a couple of years left, but once you become legally independent (that's very important to think about, when you decide to move out of a situation like yours) you will have many more opportunities and many chances to find good support and love. Right now, you are doing what you CAN do. I would suggest trying to find other ways to cope, like using tarot card websites, or if you have an iPhone, perhaps Vivi's Tarot Card app! (It gives you a daily tarot card thats very positive. I have used it so, so many times and it can, at the very least, affirm your decisions.) Its disrespectful to confiscate any possession of your child, in my opinion, but despair not. When my beloved friends, Sam, Pippin and Merry and I went on our journey, we lost many things valuable to us. It was frightening, to be out without anything familiar to us. We took comfort in remembering the small happinesses we had or taking in what was good in the moment, like the spring breeze, or how warm the fire feels on our poor feet after being frozen to our bone. You, too, can find comfort in the small things. If you have a library near by or a computer, you can find ways to download books of your choosing to read. Your parents can't take them away and you will have the memories. (I suggest using goodreads.com if you want to remember the books you've read or quotes you want to remember!) And you can and will find resources to help you move out and manage being an adult at a young age. howtogrowthefuckup is one good tumblr resource. There are many, many more. There are helplines and text crises lines you can use when you are feeling upset or in despair. You can always come to us, as well. Dear C, I can not show you the deepest amount of pride and admiration I have for you. You are so young, but you stay pure and even on the journey of life, which has so many brittle nettles that sting you, orcs that come find you, you are here. You are not alone. You can reach out to support groups online if need be or even find self-help worksheets to help you cope. Please keep in touch with us at the houses of healing; we do care for you and want to make sure you are safe. For now, keep your chin up, remember you are alive and you can make it through this. When I'm in a slightly safer space on my journey, I will update you with more references and such to help. But for now, feel your heart, take deep breathes in and out, and focus on what you need to get done now, even if it seems trivial. (It is not. Every good deed you do will continue to gather and give you goodness in the future as well.) I suggest also, when you're feeling the most down, think about your future and what you want. You deserve love and support and encouragement, unconditionally. Its something you will have. Thinking or writing down things you want in your future, whether its small, like being able to buy a giant tub of animal crackers or bigger, like ...having a pet to love and be loved by, can help you stay focused.Do not be afraid. You are doing so, so well. Stay in touch, C. All my love and wishes,Frodo Baggins______(lol i cant make a cut on mobile)_____C, I've been in your place before. It sucks. It feels like you're trapped forever. I've had friends who went to hell and came back (literally a few have been homeless) And we are alive. We are okay. We're always trying to find ourselves, but it gets better and easier. It takes time though. You're young. I promise, if you take the chances the universe gives you, it'll be okay. I'm an elusive mod on HOH, but I can always do a tarot reading for you on my personal blog if you feel like you need that. I promise!!!! It gets easier to handle life, it gets better and things will be okay. Sh*t sucks now, but it will never stay like that. I promise you that. -Admin Clare

#abusive relationship tw #family tw #religion tw #answered by frodo #admin: clare

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