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deuce-duce · 3 years

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Am I...?? (Inwardly GASPS)!! Which Part...??

Today is March 2nd 2021 and I got my puter back and went to look at what I had last written on December 16th 2020. When I opened the file, it had been changed… dates had been obscured and certain things had been reworded… So… I have decided to go back through all of my previous posts to ensure the integrity of what I am writing stays that way! During this process I will be putting together a collection of my favorite quotes and post fragments. Which I will dub Rock and Roll’s Greatest Hits, if you live near me go buy airhorns Ill tell you why, When the greatest hits album comes out. What your about to read is primarily from Dec. 16th with a few changes or should I say… restorations?? Probably a little of both to be honest. Everything is still as it happened, I just add better descriptive words and fine tune the analogies so that they are easier to digest… My English teacher always told me that was what I was good at! Along with many others… who have said the same… not only do I understand it… I’m able to explain it in a way that others understand as well. ENJOY

On the seventh of December I woke up not too sure if something had occurred that night or not… as I have mentioned before they use a numbing agent that basically masks the pain until it wears off approximately 12 hours later… When I a woke on this day I was having moments of clarity and for some reason just couldn’t keep them to myself. talking to one of the staff members of the homeless shelter I expressed my destiny that I actually had one, that was going to bring me to greatness… then out of nowhere I just blurted out there is going to be a power shift!!!! And at that very moment I couldn’t believe what it was that had just come out of my mouth. I didn’t even believe it at first because the guy at the desk was like IDK… about… that… but when I went back into my room, the look on my roommate’s face said it all!! It seems as though those who pull strings and orchestrate a lot of this… put all of their eggs into one basket. I don’t know exactly what the terms of thee bet were but I’m assuming it had/has something to do with me not being able to control my compulsivity associated with my dissociation. Unfortunately for them I made a deal with God. It was while I was on quarantine and even though I was in a basement all by myself people kept F$%^&*!> with me. This is when I prayed stating that I would not falter, for my body his temple his craft and his glory. that I need to take care of myself and my destiny, for it is in his hands and I won’t let my selfishness or imperfections stop him from fulfilling his plan. Over and over again I have cried and cried about how fundamental and powerful this is all going to be. EFFIN CRAZY!! And now that I know without anyone telling me and it literally being given to me somehow is what is freaking everybody out. How do I know or how the hell did I figure it out!! I really couldn’t tell you and the only thing that is possible is that our Creator endowed me with such responsibility. Crazy!! (this was before I considered the probability of God being a woman, A mother, A Lover)

Low and behold one of my favorite artists Mr. Kid, Maniac, Rager, Wizard, Pursuer of Happiness Cudi dropped a new album entitled Man on the MOON Three. Ill have to say it’s a wonderfully made album! The album delves deep into who Scott is… I know the Fans are going to love it.

Rewind a little bit sorry for my hiatus just needed to stay focused and well as your aware have been led here not by accident and had some things that I needed to take care of before I started writing again. Not to mention I have been dealing with a lot only to know that I am who I am for a reason Rockstar Knights off MOTM3 has a lot to say concerning who I am and what I have realized as a result to my struggle. The Song is a collab with Trippie Redd and really encapsulates so much, that its hard to describe in words.

I had a very interesting conversation with my mother the other day and came to a pretty profound thought. 1st I was telling her how I was being told that I am too….!!! Smart!! Like WTF!! REALLY!! Is that even a thing?? But I didn’t let it get to me too much as it probably is the reason I face so much adversity, No matter the community I enter into. This is how I have explained it to her and a couple other people in the community as well as the Rasta Man in the PNW. The best analogy I could present is if a plant with a fire burning so big and so hot on one side of the plant, a fire so big and hot that it probably would kill most other plants, but not this plant. This plant had sooooo much drive and will to live that instead of giving up it grew in the opposite direction of the blaze. While the roots could withstand the blazing inferno becoming one with the heat and pain Upon the journey away from the fire (society) the plant developed different characteristics colors and attributes that no other plant had. Essentially that journey completely changed that plants physiology Psychology and possible its genetic makeup altogether. Now that the plant has grown so far from the fire (Society) that its all alone. Now theres a different kind of fire where he once thought was safe. But as he grows back towards the fire to escape the new blaze (tyranny) he realizes he will never be able to be the same as the fire he grew so far away from. Now the only option the plant has with death being imminent is to grow as big and bright as quickly as possible before it is engulfed on all sides.

All this taken into account along with factoring in the two major belief structures in the world one Being Creation or Evolution (The Big BANG) this plant which has defied all odds still shines brightly displaying its colors and unique characteristics no matter how dark the room may be it still continues to bloom! Is this a Divine will and plan or are we experiencing the next step of Evolution??? My honest opinion is its both! For the mere ability to adapt and change and prevail in situations others couldn’t dream of or even have nightmares about is truly remarkable and in my eyes is an act of GOD! Just as any evolutionary step would be. The crazier part is… he has no handle!! Nothing to grab on to leaving no way for anyone to grab hold and control! AYE….

I thought this all might just be me being stubborn or simply an idiot until for some reason I opened up my meme App. Something I never open or even look at and the first thing that popped up was a picture and quote saying that many told Marilyn Monroe that she was only beautiful because of the clothes and dresses she wore. It then concluded Marilyn Monroe did a photoshoot in nothing but a burlap potato sack. The photos and the message she sent were completely opposite of that which was being said by spectators. Now!! As scrolled to the second meme I was expecting something funny!! That wasn’t the case what I saw next was the upcoming alignment of the two largest planets in the solar system Jupiter and Saturn. Not only does their alignment happen only every 20 years but the proximity of this occurrence to the earth as well as the proximity to each other hasn’t been the same for close to 800 years… What does it all mean… IDK but The Christmas Star is what their calling the alignment and if your familiar with the bible is the star that the kings, from other lands followed to bring gifts to baby JESUS! Who knows what this alignment could usher in.?

So profound thought comes to me on a daily basis now it’s so strange the way that it comes it will just be momentary thoughts that will pass through my conscience and as they go by I latch on to it delve a little deeper and experience an overwhelming amount of… IDK what to call it but it feels very powerful so much so that it brings me to tears… I don’t know exactly what the future holds but I think that is what makes this so great! I just keep my mind open Like apple IOS Systems letting everything come and go as it pleases when something goes by that strikes me, I latch on and don’t let go. Its weird how it all happens.

Steve Jobs once said that if he had never had an acid trip that he would have never of come up with the operating system for Apple and after explaining to you what I do as a spiritual and destiny seeking process I believe was his thought process as well. This in of itself is what I think they mean when they say to keep an open mind. Just so you know I didn’t come up with that little bit about the late Mr. Jobs by plan it just came to me when thinking about how to have, use and keep an open mind.

The reason I explained this to you was because this is how I Pray! After I pray I sit still with an open mind allowing multiple ideas thoughts and perspectives to pass through my brain… until like an IOS operating system, something speaks to me… when I latch on to it, focus on what it means and what it will mean… “I Get Those Goosebumps Everytime” (Goosebumps, Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar, Birds in the Trap Sing Mcknight, 2016). This is how you know! A little extra for ya, when I went to look up the info for my first Hip Hop citation it was 11:11 lol there they go again… its really a cool feeling!

Can someone tell me if that APA or MLA…?? Ya know what!! Eff IT!! None of my writing is orthodox, besides I kinda like the way I did it haha

Kid Cudi’s new video just dropped and I couldn’t be more amazed with all of the hidden messages that are in there. He is officially the man on the moon. Passion pain and demon slaying like a maniac on the pursuit of happiness. Love that DUDE!!

That’s all I got for 12-16-2020 Five More Days…

LOVE & PEACE

Songs

Heaven On Earth – Kid Cudi

Goosebumps – Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar

Dirty Heads – Sound Of Change

Just so you know the only thing I added this time other the cleaning up what I had already written was the praying part. Although I originally remember that being the purpose as to why I wrote what I did looking at it today March 2nd 2021 it wasn’t there… have a great day everyone. Ill post this on 3/3/2021

I've added parts to the story on my business cards and will leave then random places, what you do with them is up to you but I think It would be cool for those who want to stop me to have to work extra hard just like they make me!!

LOVE

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klein-archive · 4 years

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Some notes on phantasy and environment, and male and female strivings

8th January 2020

There are some files in the Melanie Klein archive that are hard to categorise, as they appear to have been compiled from a miscellany of notes that do not always cohere. Perhaps they simply ended up, for one reason or another, in the same pile of papers in Klein’s office at the time of her death. Some pages are repeated several times, with or without editing. Such files can be frustrating to study and make sense of, yet they are often well worth the effort. PP/KLE/D.26 is one such file, and consists of 96 separate sheets (presented as numbered images in the Wellcome Library’s digital file). The time of creation is not clear, but in image 1 there is a reference to ‘post war’, suggesting that at least some of the pages were written after 1945.

In the Wellcome catalogue, file D.26 is part of a series (D.23-27) entitled ‘Notes for possible books or papers’. This is not exactly specific, and the individual heading for D.26 is equally general: ‘Notes on various topics (older versions of paper) Extra Material. Lecture 11 Early Situation. Lecture 1 Internalisation. Mother and Baby Situation. Love and Reparation.’

Some of the papers mentioned in this rather unwieldy heading probably formed part of a lecture series on child analysis, which was given to training candidates at the Institute of Psychoanalysis. Also in this file are extracts from the first of Klein’s ‘Lectures on Technique’ (these can be found in full in files C.52 and C.53, and were published by John Steiner in 2017).

I have honed in on two themes from this disparate collection that I think are worth noting: first, Klein’s emphasis on the importance of the interaction of innate unconscious phantasy with actual experience of the external world (the environment), beginning in earliest infancy. There are many other examples of this throughout Klein’s work, noted by Elizabeth Bott Spillius and colleagues in The New Dictionary of Kleinian Thought under: ‘External world/environment’.

Second, I have extracted passages in which Klein describes what she perceives as the different strivings of men and women, based on differing unconscious preoccupations. Her emphasis in these notes is mostly on women.

Although little, if any, of the material here is newly discovered (or rediscovered), it is always stimulating to read through Klein’s rough notes, before they were edited and polished into complete papers.

(The following notes are found online as Wellcome image numbers 42-43, followed by 46. These are typed pages with corrections and additions in Klein’s handwriting.)

The interaction of unconscious phantasy with the infant’s experience.

The environmental influence – to begin with the attitude of the mother and the detailed ways in which she nurses the baby and looks after him – is of great importance for the building up of his phantasies, and thus also for his present and future object relations. Her love and care will from the very beginning help him to develop towards phantasies of a pleasant kind and to the development of more good and helpful images, and also give him more support against his early anxiety situations. Lack of understanding on the part of mother or nurse on the other hand will work in the opposite direction and reinforce the development of persecution phantasies. But to a certain though varying degree, persecution phantasies will be experienced by the infant and dangerous internal and external objects will become active in his mind, even if the mother is perfectly loving. Sadistic phantasies and impulses and the anxieties to which they give rise spring from intrapsychic sources. They are influenced by the environmental factor but can never be eliminated. Also, no matter how loving the mother is, frustrations there are and must be from the moment of delivery from the womb, and they all go towards the development of aggressive phantasies and the building up of persecuting imagos, as do the various bodily sensations and unpleasant internal and external stimuli which the baby experiences from birth onwards. But if we could imagine for a moment a child without aggressive phantasies, and thus also without persecution phantasies, we should soon realise that the aggressive impulses, and even anxieties of various kinds, are not only of high importance for the whole of development, but even stimulate and promote it if they are not too strong. Needless to say the less anxiety a child goes through the better. There is always enough, (I daresay too much) to stimulate the development.

Summing up, I should say that phantastic imagos are the result of the child’s phantasy life and instinctual urges, on the one hand, and of internal and external stimuli and real frustrations and deprivations and the people in the child’s environment on the other. One can be sure that in every case all these elements come into play in varying degrees. The point I want to stress here is, that there exists in the infant, side by side with his relations to real objects – but on a different plane as it were – relations to his phantastic imagos. These two kinds of object relations intermingle and colour each other in the course of development, and the first steps in this direction occur when the child gets to know his mother as a whole and loved person, which is roughly between the ages of three to five months.

The partial realisation that the loved objects and the hated ones, the real people and the imaginary figures, both external and internal, are somehow bound up with each other, compels the ego to unify its imagos to some extent. Having made these crucial and extremely painful steps, and having then arrived at a plane nearer to reality, the ego takes at once recourse to some mechanisms which are of fundamental importance for the relation to our objects and for mental economy in general. The ego splits again its imagos into loved and hated, i.e. into good and dangerous ones, at the same time projecting its internalized objects into the external world, and thus distributing both its anxiety and its libido again onto real objects. By attaching his hate and anxiety to some people and his love to others the child is able to gain more trust in some people. Since at the time he introjects these good objects, also his belief in the figures he feels to be inside him becomes strengthened. A successful interplay of these processes leads to a mitigation of the dangerousness of the imagos, which in turn enables the ego to make further steps towards their unification. But this unification is always bound to certain limits. Even in the normal grown up mind there remain operative, to a certain extent, internal and external objects which have, as it were, an independent existence of their own, and which become active as soon as hate is [the sentence is interrupted here and the rest is found in image 82, as follows:] stirred up by frustrations and anxiety is increased for internal or external reasons.

Notes on female and male strivings

[Image 1: this is written in pencil by Klein on a fragment of paper]

The selfish relation of the mother to her children. Also protection in another sense by satisfying her vanity, possessions etc.

[Image 10: typed; begins mid-sentence and seems to be a continuation from a previous lost page]

mother – in which means having one’s desires and needs satisfied and receiving protection – persists too strongly into adult life, then the woman’s relation to the man will also have something of this character. This kind of relationship in which love mainly consists in receiving love, satisfaction, admiration and protection from the man is by no means rare nowadays, although, owing to the alterations in social and economic conditions it is less obvious than in pre-war days.

[Image 11: typed]

Capacity to detach oneself sufficiently from the early ties has the effect of allowing one to grow up, because then new relationships will not simply be built on the pattern of the old one – which implies that the feelings of guilt towards the parents are not so strong. E.g. if a daughter develops to her husband a relationship which is not just a repetition of the one she wanted to have with her father she will feel that she has not just taken away her mother’s husband, she can feel equal to her mother, the childish situation diminishes, and gives way to a situation of equality which is adequate for a grown- up relation.

[Image 15: typed with Klein’s annotations in pencil]

Notes.

Any work which gives satisfaction

For the woman, any work which has to do with the house, with the garden, with writing a book, - all that has to do with reparation of mother’s body, creation of babies etc.

Activity of men – all things connected with penis

Feminine in man and masculine in woman.

Relation to external – work with other people, and doing something which is felt to be good for the whole organisation

[Images 17-18: typed with Klein’s corrections and annotations]

The woman’s feelings of love and her urge to make restoration play an important part in her sublimations and activities. Her interests, in her domestic life, or in creative work of any kind, though this may be undertaken for loved people and will have their real values, are largely influenced by her urge to produce babies, to take care of them and thus also to restore what in her phantasies she has injured.

In her phantasies, the house, with all its details, the garden, with the flowers she grows, or a book she might write stand also for her own body and her mother’s body, and her activity and creativeness are thus influenced by her wish to make restoration, which, as we know, is partly due to an interaction between love and hate.

The interests and the creativeness of the man find expression, as we know, in somewhat different ways. They are directed mainly towards the external world, although of course there are similarities between his and the woman’s type of productiveness in so far as he has feminine traits. The fact that his activities and interests are in general more concerned with external things has to do with the part he plays in procreation, in which he gives out what the woman takes in.

Now in his phantasies which originate in early childhood, and in which the interactions of feelings of love and hate and the urge to restore play an important part, his genital comes to stand for all creative power, and becomes linked up with all constructive tendencies and capacities.

What I have just said is of course not an attempt at an explanation of the most complex phenomena of the work and sublimations of [stops abruptly here]

[Images 26-28: typed with Klein’s handwritten corrections and additions]

The importance of this world established inside the self is much greater with the woman than with the man, for the very reason that it is inside her body that the important reproductive processes go on by which the child is received and developed. In the little girl’s phantasies…the inside of her body is full of people and things and feelings of a good and of a destructive kind, and she is unconsciously deeply concerned with the state of this world… Babies play a most important part in this phantasy world. In the little girl’s phantasies her mother’s inside is full of babies, put into it by the father’s penis. But since phantasies are felt to be real to the child, she also possesses babies inside her, and they are the babies which she wants to receive from her father, and thus in her phantasy has actually received. She cherishes these babies as the very best things in her inside, and thus become for her the proof of goodness and value in herself. This of course can only be explained by the fact that the woman’s unconscious relation to the inside of her body is of this very special kind that I have described.

The great importance that women attach to their bodies is in this way misleading. Their deepest unconscious interests, their concern, their love and anxiety are focussed on the world inside themselves, and particularly on the baby which they contain – first it is in phantasy and then in reality. These factors contribute greatly to the strength of the feelings the woman has towards the child growing inside her and to the baby to which she has given birth. Besides all the things which I have already mentioned, the fact that this baby stands as a test for the goodness of her internal world has a fundamental influence on her relation to her actual child.

It is well known that as soon as a mother has given suck to her child her feelings towards it deepen. Because out of her body she produces the very good stuff which is essential for the child’s needs and gratification and which provides the means of its growth… But in giving suck she also plays as it were her mother’s part, who is now in her phantasy again having a child to love and to take care of and she thus recreates the old family situation. In this way she makes reparation in her mind for her past aggressive and jealous phantasies in which she robbed her mother of children. But in addition to this she shares her child’s pleasure, by returning in phantasy back to her own babyhood. She thus reverses the relationship of mother and child and experiences a happy renewal of her early attachment to her mother and improves on it.

[Image 30: extract]

The woman has desired a baby from her very earliest days, and the gratification of at last having it relieves the pain of the old frustrations and of the old grievance that she has been denied it. This tends to reduce her aggressive impulses, and thus allows her more possibilities for loving her child.

[Image 31: extract]

…all the mother’s good and constructive tendencies now have scope. The gratification of being able to love, which is closely connected with the relief of the sense of guilt, [stops abruptly here]

[Image 33]

I mentioned before that in a way the woman is recreating the old family situation, but is recreating it in a happy way. Thus she is making up to her mother for having injured or robbed her of her babies out of jealousy and envy; and since the child also stands for the woman’s own brothers and sisters, which as a child she had also attacked in her aggressive phantasies, the brothers and sisters also, when she loves her baby and takes care of it, are restored and put right.

References

Spillius, E. Bott et al (2011) The New Dictionary of Kleinian Thought. London: Routledge. (See entry entitled, ‘External world/environment’.)

Steiner, J. (2017) Lectures on Technique by Melanie Klein. London: Routledge.

#melanie klein #child analysis #psychoanalysis #psychological development #unconscious phantasy #motherhood #infancy #oedipus complex #imagos #object relations

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0hmydekiru · 7 years

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Elseworld: part 1 of ?

i am unable to write more at present as @royslittleharper has distracted me with wanting to write more of Jaime and Adi. Beyond that, here’s what i have so far @cuddles-for-cassie & @melyaliz

Conner looked through the one way glass where the small girl laid half curled in on herself. She had been laid like that when they brought her in and she hadn’t moved a muscle, even though he could hear that she was awake by the sound of her heartbeat. He could also see the movement of her eyes that was hidden by her eyelids.

Conner felt a strange stirring in his chest. She looked so small and frail from the lack of sunlight. He almost couldn’t see anything of himself in her features, he would need to get closer to be certain on whether they shared a nose shape, but the paperwork listed her eyes as the same shade of blue as his own. As of yet, she hadn’t reacted to any of the attempts taken by the league nor had he seen the person that shared the other half of the girls DNA.

Conner had come to the station as soon as he had heard. He felt a bit conflicted about how to feel but he felt that his path was already clear. Genetically, this girl was his daughter; whether he had done anything to lead to her creation or not, she was his and he wasn’t about to treat her like Clark had treated him. He would be angry with Cadmus but he was going to do anything and everything to be there for her.

When Kori arrives, she looks shell-shocked and her first glimpse through the glass leaves her frozen staring. Conner can tell that she doesn’t feel the same stirring to claim the little girl as hers and while a part of him wants to be mad about that, he finds himself numb to it. Kori would be in good company with Clark, though he hoped Kori would have some sort of relationship with the little girl.

The League finally lets J’onn have a try at reaching the girl and Conner forces his way into being allowed to help. It will be the first time he is closer than behind the glass to her and a small part of him worries that he might hurt her even with her having some Kryptonian in her to keep her safe. At first, J’onn just has Conner sit nearby as they both are well aware that J’onn didn’t require any help to connect to the girl’s mind.

However when the girl’s first reaction to J’onn touching her mind is to jolt, J’onn seems a bit more happy for Conner’s presence as Conner gently takes the girls hand and does his best to reassure her that she is fine. She still doesn’t open her eyes but J’onn seems to be happy enough with whatever he is finding. Conner is a bit surprised when J’onn offers to connect Conner’s mind to the girl’s, he finds himself even more surprised when J’onn explains that she actually asked J’onn to offer as she was curious.

Conner can’t find a reason to decline and a large part of him wants to accept, so he does and feels the familiar feeling of a mental link being established. He hears J’onn speak, letting the girl know that He had done as she asked. Conner hears a small voice offer an almost shy greeting. Conner can’t help the small smile that comes to his face as he returns the greeting with more warmth than he had planned.

“who are you” he hears her ask and Conner pauses for a moment before replying “Genetically, I would be a parent to you… if you would be alright with that”. He had added the last bit because a sliver of worry had crept in making him fear that he might force something she wouldn’t want. “That would make you my dad? That’s the one you’d be called, right?” she asked with a lot of hesitance in her tone.

“yes, that’s the one I’d be called… though most people call me Conner.” His tone was one that ended up sounding amused. “Krypton-wise, I’m Kon-El. I believe that you are entitled to Kon-El as a surname as well as the Kent one…” Conner said and saw the faintest smile on the girl’s face. “That would be alright?” she asked to be certain and Conner quickly gave a positive answer. He felt lighter, than he had since he had been let down by Clark, at how earnest and hopeful she sounded.

Conner glanced up when he heard a door open and his expression turned neutral as Kori entered the room looking as hesitant as his daughter sounded. Conner watched Kori sit nearby and heard J’onn explain that the talking was through a mental link. Conner almost wanted to make it so Kori wasn’t involved. He didn’t want her uncertainty to hurt his daughter as Clark’s had hurt him but he knew that she had as much right as he did to interact with the girl that was genetically related to her.

Conner found himself unsure how to explain and before he could even try to, J’onn spoke asking her if it was alright for him to connect someone else. She agreed shyly and Conner felt the lightest squeezing of his hand which still held her own that gave away her nerves. Conner gently returned the squeeze and stayed quiet as Kori and his daughter started speaking to each other.

Kori seemed to relax ever so slightly as they spoke and though they were speaking to each other, the conversation was stilted. Conner had heard the word moon more times in the conversation then he had ever heard it before in his life. Conner decided it best to speak to hopefully help in some way. “I was just thinking. We should think up a first name for you” Conner was speaking to his daughter but Kori was obviously able to hear.

“i… might I suggest a Tamaranean name? To represent her Tamaranean heritage” Kori carefully suggested and Conner found he couldn’t really fault her when a hesitant smile returned to his daughter’s face. “ I think I agree” Conner conceded and saw the smile grow to show that she was happy about him agreeing with what she hadn’t even put into words.

“do you have any recommendations?” Conner asked as neither he nor his daughter would be familiar with much of the culture of Tamaran. Kori was quiet for a moment as she seemed to think it over thoroughly. “How about Adiand'r? it means Moonfire” Kori explained and neither she nor Conner were able to get another word in before his daughter gave a resounding “I like that!”.

Conner was a bit skeptical mostly as he wasn’t totally sure he would be able to pronounce that but he figured she would probably need a civilian name. he might not know who she would become but having a superhero for a parent and having powers often lead to joining in on the action. “and for a civilian name or like a more human one?” Conner asked and he was met with a silence before her small voice said “I don’t know any human names”.

“we can look around. We don’t have to figure everything out right away” Conner reassured her. He found himself glancing over when her hand tightened its hold slightly. He was speechless as he saw her eyelids flutter before her face scrunched up from the brightness of the room. Conner found himself unconsciously moving so his free hand shaded her eyes from the lights overhead. He found himself surprised as she slowly peeked out and her eyes opened wider when she grew use to the light.

Her eyes had a similar quality to Kori’s eyes in that the sclera was a lighter shade of the color of the rest of the eye. Instead of Kori’s green however, her eyes were the same color blue as his own and Clark’s. Conner found a smile forming on his face when Adiand'r focused enough to see him and she seemed to beam at him.

He felt her hand slip from his as she glanced down and struggled to get up. Conner reached out to offer help but heard her voice in his head as she said “let me do this part”. He didn’t take back his outstretched hands but he didn’t continue to reach toward her. When she was standing, no matter how unsteady, She glanced up again and motioned with her arms in a way that generally meant to either hold out your arms or that the person wanted a hug.

Conner looked unsure but not unwilling as he widened the space between his already stretched out arms. He was quick to catch and draw her in when she did her best attempt at using weak muscles to jump toward him. Conner held her carefully, neither seemed to notice that J’onn and Kori were still in the room. Once Conner settled her into a comfortable position in his arms, it was as if she all but melted against him.

Conner couldn’t remember anyone having ever seeming to relax so much just by his presence and it moved him in a way that he found himself treasuring. The feeling that he was being trusted without reservation; the lack of walls or fear, felt so strange but he found that he wanted it to happen as often as he was able to do so. Conner only remembered Kori and J’onn‘s presence, when he heard a gentle chuckle and J’onn’s voice saying “it seems you have put her to sleep”.

Conner did his best to look unaffected as he glanced over and raised an eyebrow. Kori was giving a smile that he found himself unable to read which made him scowl slightly. Conner felt the link on his mind disappear before J’onn spoke aloud “it might be best to take her to see one of the medical personnel. There were a few tests they weren’t able to run while she was unresponsive”.

Conner carefully stood and followed Kori from the room as she followed J’onn. Conner continued to following J’onn when Kori made her way toward the teleporter. “if you are planning on keeping her with you, there may be a few things that one of the other founders wish to speak with you about as well as the medical personnel” J’onn commented quietly and Conner tensed as he waited to see if J’onn planned on speaking more. When no more words came, Conner just let the silence continue.

When they arrived at the medical facility, Conner was directed to set Adiand'r on the bed. After he set her down he was pulled out of her room to around the nearest corner where a few of the league founders were, including Clark, and they started speaking with him mostly to ask if he was certain about claiming her. Clark in particular seemed not to think he had thought it through or even understood what it would mean to do so.

They were only interrupted by a terrified shriek of something like “Daddy” that caused those with above average hearing to almost buckle. It took only a moment for Conner to understand and recognize the shriek coming from Adiand'r’s room. Conner all but ran toward the room just to see Adiand'r backing away from the medical personnel that came to check her over and kicking out if they tried to get closer to her. Her face was wet with tears as fear shone through and there is a blue sort of flickering on one of her hands.

Conner gently spoke “Hey…” and he saw her glance over. She relaxed slightly but her eyes returned to the person that she saw as a threat which made her tense back up. The flickering in her hand was slowing so it almost stayed in her hand which resembled a starbolt in looks if one discounted the color which was the same blue as her eyes. Conner could tell that he wasn’t going to hold her attention while the doctor was in the room and he could see the tension that would lead to violence if he didn’t do something.

Conner walked over to the doctor before gently pushing them toward the door while calmly stating “let me see how I can fix this” and he closed the door on both the doctor as well as any of the league members outside of the room. He then turned around to see that Adiand'r had started relaxing though her face was still teary and he could hear her sniffling slightly.

He walks slowly over toward her and kneels down by her side before gently repeating his greeting from earlier. He watches as her mouth morphs into a pout and starts to tremble. “I woke up and you weren’t here…. And that scary person came in” she said as her expression turned to one almost asking why he would do such a thing. “some people wanted to talk to me privately…. Why was the person scary” He asked as he moved to sit next to her and used his arms to hold him up as he leaned back a bit.

“they look like the people from before….” Adiand'r said barely above a whisper and Conner thought back to the person he had seen. He could see that though that complicated things. “so doctors and scientist are scary?” he asked as he glanced at her. Her expression became earnest as she started nodding her head quickly. She wiped her face with her sleeve before she ‘subtly’ shifted a few times as she moved toward him and likely was trying to get closer to him for comfort.

Conner pretends not to notice for about a minute before her reaches out with the arm closest to her and lifts her until she is above him. he lets her drop the short distance that lands her somewhere between his lap and his stomach. “they do need to look you over though. Would it help if I stay in the room and sit next to you?” Conner asked after he had brought his arm up to keep her from falling over or off of him.

Adiand'r is quiet for a good three minutes thinking it over before she finally gives a shrug and a nod looking solemn. Conner can’t help the small smile that reaches his face because seeing someone so small act so serious is rather funny to him especially when the serious expression seems not to fit them. Before Conner could say anything else, the door opened enough for a few members of the league to stick their heads in.

Adiand'r had tensed hearing the door and while she relaxed slightly, only one person was familiar while another made her question herself as he looked a lot like her dad. She was glancing between Conner and Clark repeatedly after she had tensed up in his arms. Conner wanted to be a bit annoyed but she didn’t know about Conner being a clone nor did she really know any better yet.

“Well, you might as well enter” Conner spoke harshly though his hold on Adiand'r never tightened and he did his best to stay relaxed so he might bring her comfort. The league members entered the room and he felt Adiand'r attempting to make herself smaller under their eyes. Conner gently put took hold of her hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

#superfire #adi and elseworlds

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