#when she was asking if she needed to alter my workload etcetcetc and it's just like no my workload is literally fine i just struggle with

[knowing--clandestinely]

The upside of me getting seen messing up so bad at work at the end of the year is I don't think they'll be so keen to move me up to being a manager quite so quick. I don't want to be a manager. Being someone's line manager sounds like a nightmare for my disposition / I don't want to be more in charge. I don't want onus to fall on me and I don't want additional duties/more work to do from the position.

The downside is that I messed up and I start work again tomorrow for the year and I think the project manager got lunch with my line manager over the break and even if not she's surely going to have to be updated abt my follies and we have our weekly 1 on 1s on wednesdays and idk how this will come about and what I think is best to say on my part when the matter will surely come up

#my saving grace was literally that she heard from me that i was sleeping bad that week. and then when she went for a walk with me to ask #what was going on with my performance on this project in short i got to cite that lol. the problem is actually my brain! i cant say that #to an employer this isnt therapy i simply cannot say it's the attention deficiency and i wasnt doing my job right #i can just about skirt by without people realizing how much i screw up but this one manager is very very keen and got to see first hand tha #i made a mess of things #even some other coworkers there thought I did a good job! I'm good to most at making it seem like i havent screwed up when i am constantly #when she was asking if she needed to alter my workload etcetcetc and it's just like no my workload is literally fine i just struggle with #working at all it's so stupid when they see me doing 'well' and giving me more wiggle room and not checking up on me it's the threat of my #work being checked that gets me to do it i struggle so much to do things always without a specific terror #funny when the undiagnosed attention deficit disorder combined with the social anxiety disorder ruins my life. never wouldve thought. #it'll always be the same tho here's to it #text post #wrk