#y’all I literally slept until 1 pm and then took a two hour nap starting at 3

[condomtheifthefinaltake]

Drugs you should try it

The detective told my dad he knew OCS was always around. My dad told him it was bullshit. Eventually they left and said they would be back if a warrant if they needed. My dad slammed the door in their face then went up to the camera and shut it off.

I turned to my dad when the video ended, totally fuckin shocked. I could not believe my eyes, they thought we were murderers?

About a month after my brother’s death, Betty checked the mail and saw a letter from child protective services. They said that the case was closed and they never found any signs of abuse his whole life, and they were sorry for the inconveniences. Betty popped a pill right then and there, in front of her three children. “So there was no issue ever? So they couldn’t let us enjoy the little time with Brian?” She lit a cigarette inside. “BULLSHIT.”

I hugged her and she pushed me off, “I don’t need this right now.”

I guess this is where I should tell you that this is where Betty and Brian’s marriage really began to fucking crumble. Every night after work, my dad would come home, and yell at Betty for not having a job. We would hear door’s slam, Betty would beat the shit out of my dad, and shit was breaking all the time. They blamed eachother for his death, without saying those exact words. Once a week they would fight really bad, and Betty would take the vehicle and leave. Sometimes me and Alexa would go with her, which pissed my dad off. She would usually just go to the store, or to her ex husband’s house to chill(typing that now... yea seems a little weird). Alec was always staying with a friend, I knew he hated the thought of baby Brian dying right outside his door.

My anxiety was getting very bad at this point. I would have nightmares nearly every night and I continued to sleep on my parent’s floor.

My sixth grade year, was the school year after my brother’s death. Me and my sister literally always skipped. I always said I was to sad to go and my parents did not argue. Which means Alexa didn’t go to school either. After Baby Brian’s death, Betty developed the worst pill problem ever. She popped like a whole bottle of Tylenol PM like everyday. Seems kind of scary. She also took Xanax and probably other shit I wasn’t aware of. So she would wake up about 1 PM, and get PISSED, but then realize it was to late for us to go to school.

My dad yelled at her about it literally everyday, but nothing was done. We started going a little more because once again, child protective services and truancy officers started showing up at the door. It’s funny, it was never about me, but about Alexa, great they wanted to go after another young one. They started interviewing her at school once a week, and made sure she was attending. Betty blamed me so hard for not getting her up in the morning... which as a mom now, that’s a little fucked up.

One day, after school, Betty informed me to do all my chores. She went to lay down. While I was cleaning, the phone rang and it was a lady saying her name was Tanya and that she needed to talk to my mom. I told her she was taking a nap and that I could get her to call her back later. She didn’t say anything but “thank you” and “okay sweetie”.

About an hour later my dad called the house, I answered it, and he was crying and yelling. He said that OCS called him and said that Betty was not watching her children, and they wanted to open another investigation. I told him she was sleeping and I woke her up.

After the phone call she came out the room and threw her phone at me, “YOU TOLD HER I WAS SLEEPING. YOURE FUCKIN GROUNDED! CLEAN THIS MESS.”

I stepped back and asked her who she was talking about. She said that OCS said she was unfit because she was sleeping and that it was my fault.

Mind you, I’m fucking eleven years old, maybe Betty shouldn’t be sleeping 20 hours a day, and actually watch us. My dad stepped through the door about an hour later, and beat my ass(I’m southern, he just whipped me and grounded me. No bruises.) while I was cleaning and crying, they both came into the living room and basically were just lecturing me. I did not understand what the hell I did, shit I still don’t. I mean, they don’t even know Betty’s situation, maybe she was just napping.

This type of behavior lasted years, we moved houses, and at one point my dad had two jobs because Betty refused to get a job. They fought, we basically starved, thank God for school lunches. I started attending school more though, go me.

At age 14, I discovered drugs and self harm. This is where it gets super fun and fresh for the audience. I entered high school and boy did I hate that shit. I had P.E first hour. At 7:25 in the morning. How lovely. I met a guy named Daniel though, our last names were close together, so we sat in line together all the time. He started telling me about how he was prescribed vyvance one morning.

“What’s that?” I asked. I hadn’t even smoked weed or kissed a boy yet.

“Oh so I have ADHD, so it makes me focus. But if you don’t have it, it makes you have lots of fun and lots of energy. I sell them to pay for my band fees.”

I asked how much, and the next day he brought me a white pill.( just wait y’all)

I took it immediately. About an hour later, I started NODDING OUT. I mean in every class I was like falling asleep and even had a few teachers call me out. What the fuck does he mean “awake”? Did I have ADHD and not know it, I mean my parents hadn’t taken me to a doctor since I was 6, so it was possible. I went home and slept until 3 PM until 6 AM the next day.

At school the next morning, I was mad, but I just thought it wasn’t for me. He came running up to me in the bleachers. He sat next to me. “Dude I’m so sorry I sell so many drugs I forgot that you didn’t want my sleeping pills, you wanted speed. I got you mixed up with that brunette in my second hour. Look I got you man.” He handed me 3 pills, these were capsules with little beads in them. “Two on the house for knocking you out yesterday.”

I said “FUCK IT. You only live once.” I popped one right then and there, that 50 mg vyvance. And this day was awesome.