#// and im a little bitch so i hate the turnout ?? this is why i'll never be satisfied in here but ive been still kicking crying and going

[m0e-ru]

losing the idgaf war

#kommento #// playing spltoon flopping at every level and dying yelling TAKE MEEE take my brain and cradle it nicely take me into your care #// successfully fading into obscurity because im not necessarily popular nd slandering my own name further so it's smeared in history books #// and my legacy dies an untimely death if I ever had one and leave nothing behind and this gas station dissappears into the fog #// that I couldn't be the one in people's mouths when they think about this One Guy that I was no competition to anyone else #// in this so-called 'community' that was so hostile and volatile to me because I had standards and I projected too hard for my own good #// not that ive been badgered or hurt or maimed or anything i dont think i would even still be in this hellhole if that ever were the case #// but im in this specific pocket of fndom are full of freaks and i want to appease most of them and make a name for myself #// —ambitious i know— majority of these people ARE freaks and so the people who are popular ARE freak themselves #// so techincally im trying to appeal to three people but i want more when it's technically not possible #// and im a little bitch so i hate the turnout ?? this is why i'll never be satisfied in here but ive been still kicking crying and going #// i wish i wasnt a hater i wish the things i dont want to see werent so physically revolting that my heart sinks and i see red #// i wish it was a more minor thing where im a hater for about 50% of it and i can Easily Dismiss it #// than hatership being a part of my personality #// that I've earned so little and lost so much but everyone and everything that I've loved is so genuine and real and too much #// that the stakes of doing something is so high like it's gambling itself that I'm not too sure I'm satisfied with my time here #// despite all the things I believed were good that's happened already #// that if I leave right now on the fickle decisiveness of the squirrel in my brain there would be things on this figurative bucket list I #// never have accomplished and I'm not too sure I can come back to do it because of my home that looks like war trenches itself #// all this time and love I've put into this world and I'm stubborn and selfish enough to believe I have not received what I am due #// and that this love and dedication was never received by enough people as I perceive #// sorry for being a baby's first but my time here in this pit of hell has been th absolute worst and most horrid of other fndoms I've been #// and while I practice the inherent belief I am the scum of the earth and the worst person alive #// and that I leave the things I love so much behind with wordless and meaningless abandonment #// I've made so much and shared so much that enough of my love was perceived by others and that #// I've at least left myself some things behind even if it has never reached others the way I humbly wished it to #// lmao like I'm writing an overly dramatic resignation letter and I leave it front desk and when I exit the building it #// either completely disappears behind me or keeps standing but stay unmaintained for the duration I'm gone #// people could still come and go or I could make it disappear myself. I think I've done a good job at making it easy to do that #// sorry for being dramatic ? idk how to give closure on this if the time ever comes or if this Is The Closure