#// i adored them vi but valter's very pissy about them and i do want to be clear that we do not share sentiments nfjdkngsk

[knighteclipsed]

like shattered glass.

a drabble: immediately following the events of the fall 2023 arena word count: 548 words

// depicts strong negative emotions.

The veil of the illusion falls at last; no oceans, no forests, no deserts. It is between one blink and the next that the monastery resumes your vision, and it is between one breath and the next that you promptly leave the venue.

It’s late out now—normally, you would’ve basked in that, but the darkness feels different right now. Where normally, it would be an open canvas—nothing certain and everything free to be dreamt within—now, it feels oppressive: a smothering isolation akin to the tightness in your chest; the moon crawling upwards nothing more than a mockery of what freedom truly is. Your eyes stay on the ground as you walk to your quarters; maybe people are watching, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

You shut the door behind you—maybe too forcefully, but only just. It is only when you crash against the back of it, falling to the floor like shattered glass that finally, you let yourself feel something: and everything comes crashing in. (Notably, that tightness in your chest; the force of your own heartbeat; the loudness of your thoughts.)

It’s almost impressive that you held yourself together for that last match. Haha.

…That wasn’t funny. (Normally, though, it would be.) You can’t muster up any laughter though, most of it just dying in your lungs. Instead, your heart just beats, pounding; it’s almost like your head could explode from the force of all that blood. Your hands find a place atop your head, but no matter how forcefully you hold it together, in truth: you are not holding it together. Your memories still command you—isolation against your own will.

It wouldn’t be so bad if you could call those actions your own—you couldn’t even begin to count all the times you’ve acted or spoken or smiled with nothing more than the intention to offend, belittle: cement your control. You know what to expect from people, and you know what will come of your… habits. But you had not killed them on purpose—you had lifted the axe, and you had aimed to kill, but those actions stopped being yours the moment it hit their body. Their double was the one who should’ve been hit; they themself didn’t deserve to die. (Or perhaps maybe they did, but you could entertain that thought another time.)

Regardless: they cannot hold that against you. It wasn’t fair to what truly happened. (But they did; you feel it miserably.) It clogs up your insides.

An inhale inwards, slow and measured—following: an exhale out. Your heart is still killing you, what with its incessant beating—a motion so violent you could feel it moving against your ribcage; but your breathing evens: that overwhelming feeling of suffocation falls away, like vines retracting from a corpse.

(Like those vines, however, it does not truly go away; it may still very well kill you.) Not that you will let it.

It’s late out now—but then again, you never sleep easily anyway. It would be infinitely easier to just sit here in silence, let the emotions wash away until you become yourself again. Perhaps then you could speak like yourself again too: Yes, I did that. Are you going to start crying over it? (A normal person might’ve considered an apology, but you aren’t weak like them.)

An inhale inwards; an exhale out. The moon continues to rise.

#[ ‘i will rise to glory once more.’ ] (drabbles) #// Andddddddd we're through with our arena content!!! #// LET'S GO TEAM 13 WOO!!!! #// CLAPPING AND CHEERING!!!!!!!!! #// valter's out here feeling emotions and whatever the fuck but like. #// just ignore him fr this ain't about him #// (actually that'd probably be horrendous for his emotional development. anyways.) #// also gonna shout out ARVAL FIRE EMBLEM specifically for being super swaggers!!! #// i adored them vi but valter's very pissy about them and i do want to be clear that we do not share sentiments nfjdkngsk #// this was also originally in third person but then i realized second would be more potent :softsmile: #// anyways back to your regularly scheduled thread posting dnfjkgsnk