#> ignores the fact that my mum is literally staying in the mental health ward rn so if she has struggles I'm more likely to have some too

[mntcoronet]

me thinking about how I've always felt like one of the "odd"/more weird n solitary kids at school, most of my longest-lasting friends who I find easiest to get along with are neurodivergent in some way, and a lot of the characters I end up really vibing with in a "self recognition through the blorbo" way are also commonly interpreted as being neurodivergent for a lot of the same reasons that I relate to them about: "hmm this definitely doesn't mean anything. not at all. I am just bad at life and i just need to try harder"

#maggles ramblings #and yes i know none of this inherently means anything but i have been wondering about this kind of thing for... several years now #and i must say!! some of the coincidences seem a bit too consistent!! #luckily i am going to see A health professional in about a month's time. so hopefully they will be able to give me some thoughts #i just am not confident enough to say im even LIKELY to have anything bc if I'm wrong then I'll feel the absolute worst about it #> ignores the fact that my mum is literally staying in the mental health ward rn so if she has struggles I'm more likely to have some too #but yea it's like. well i have passable social skills... (bc i spend a lot of time quietly observing ppl instead of talking to them myself) #i did well at school ..... (but excelled the most in primary school when the worksheets were simple and quick to do - #and only got things done on time in high school bc of my fear that the teachers would be disappointed in me if i didn't) #some ppl are just easier to talk to.... (when i know they're more likely to say what they mean and not have any hidden expectations of me) #i don't have focus problems.... (i just find it tough to do things unless my brain decides i really want to spend several hours on it NOW) #surely my teachers would've noticed... (but i was good at the work and planned what to say to them so they didn't worry abt me) #im not as intensely interested in stuff though.. (i literally spend half my days rotating them in my mind i just don't want to bother ppl) #etc etc you get what I'm trying to say. brain has a million excuses as to why i just suck at life #also i literally only figured out the other year or so ago. that when asked how you're doing. you're generally meant to ask it back #I THOUGHT I WAS GREAT WITH MANNERS but whenever teachers would ask me i treated it like a. quiz or something #and sometimes i think i did that with other people too. so. apologies to anyone who has ever dealt with me answering that way #and not returning the question. i genuinely didn't know you were supposed to do that and idk how that slipped past me