#[ (but abyss mages don't exactly entirely fit the description in her story. ugh. UGH). ]

[orchideae]

1) Opens up drafts with my head empty, ready to be flooded, not knowing where I'll go. 2) 30 seconds later: Okay but I will go feral any day of my life over Perilous Trail, and the fierce dichotomy of Xiao and Yelan. While they're far from being 'the same', they both view themselves as soldiers in one way or another (it's a very difficult word to use for Yelan, so I'm using it very liberally and very loosely), they have both suffered losses on the 'battlefield' and carry the burden thereof in their own ways. And yet they stand so firmly in opposition throughout the entirety of that questline up until the very end of the 'the end of the line' conclusion of the quest. Yes, I know that she offers him her gratitude in its aftermath and it is genuine, but she still never agrees with him and the decision that he made moments earlier. It simply 'worked out' because of Zhongli's interference, he's the only reason it worked out. And it's because of that, that she doesn't give him a hell of a hard time (obviously she can't go down there, but imagine the inner frustration of severe extents; when you condemn someone who you can't even see anymore). In the same way that she would do to anyone who would sacrifice themselves for others, but in this case, I think it's 'beautiful' that it's to Xiao; the one who seems most adamant to do so (which honestly, fits into the contract that the Yakshas chose to sign with Morax; 'the ultimate sacrifice' to protect for Liyue; 'for Liyue', and Liyue has always centered itself around its people), the one who everyone reveres (and so does she, as she notes in her voiceline, 'if I ever have the honor to fight alongside') and respects for good reason, she stands against him, because in that moment, regardless of his status, he makes a call that she considers wrong. And he doesn't even... fight her on it very fiercely, and that's what actually hurts me the most, it's as if the following line hit the nail directly on the head?

"Besides, if you were really so determined to end it all, you wouldn't have given us the opportunity to share our opinions."

#[ mini study. ] that which hides inside her… that constant calling; it is the blood of heroes which has been howling for 500 years. #[ and then shortly after 'the point is: it's not time for drastic measures yet.' ] #[ /shakes ven into another dimension. ] #[ i thought the ost at the end of perilous ruined me enough. but tale of the yakshas may actually ruin me more. ] #[ also i love how i typed up the bit of the contract and 'for liyue' and zhongli in my head isn't rattling at bars but-- ] #[ he's sipping his tea (the equivalent). one day ven. i /promise/ you. one day you'll get him from me. ] #[ he'll likely be the 2nd genshin blog to run alongside yelan if/when i get to being able to run two again. ] #[ but until then. can we talk about the dynamic of xiao and yelan until we're blue in the face? i'd like to do that too. ] #[ i type this as if i'm perfectly chill but i'm not. i'm really not. the concept of self sacrifice and sacrifice as a whole. ] #[ BETWEEN THESE TWO. drives me /insane/. and part of me sits here and goes-- ] #[ god. what happened with yelan and her team down there? we know that despite every plan she ever made and prepared-- ] #[ their enemies (WHAT WERE YOU FIGHTING??) were too powerful and more specifically-- too smart. too calculating. ] #[ ... and too strong (okay literally what on earth were you fighting? are we talking the khaenri'ah soldiers? like what? or abyss mages?) ] #[ (but abyss mages don't exactly entirely fit the description in her story. ugh. UGH). ] #[ any way-- it was her and her team. /they/ all died and she didn't. yanfei describes it as... ] #[ 'knowing that your life was saved when others weren't'. surely the millilith didn't intervene or happen to arrive. yelan must've... ] #[ gotten away? or something? but that doesn't feel quite right. but i'm just sitting here left with the idea of... when you lead a team. ] #[ you bear the responsibility of even their lives. and yet despite bearing that responsibility; she's exactly the one who lived. ] #[ the only one who did. that has to be a /stupid/ burden. it's like the captain who has to go down with the ship but is the only one... ] #[ who gets to live. only one who gets to survive. i just. ] #[ i didn't think i'd love a character as much as this one. where did she come from; jesus christ. ]