#'i'll make you the opposite of alive/not alive anymore/maybe erase your life altogether' hits harder than 'i'll kill you' sorry

[fuckthisshitimin]

Unalive -- A Love Letter

I came across the word unalive first in a tumblr post. Reading it several times over, I got that it showed distaste for the term but was yet unaware of its censorship-roots and tik-tok popularity. For a split moment before my mind caught up and started thinking, my non-native-English-speaker brain went “new word; un + alive; looks like [unsee—unsex]; associated with [impossible—reality-shifting]” and I fell in love a little. No, no, I fell hard in love, lots in love, okay, with unalive. Sorry. I know it’s a bad word.

But unsee, unsex — the one who wishes to unsee is the one that has seen, when Lady Macbeth asks to be unsexed it is to higher god-like powers, unalive suggests; the hand that kills had a hand in a-living you in the first place. The Cambridge Dictionary defines unsee as “to return to a situation in which you have not seen something” to unalive would be “to return someone to a situation in which they have not been alive” ;;; this is TERRIFYING actually. It is worse than being merely killed.

What the hell is unalive. What the hell happened. It’s so grammatically weird, I’m not sure it’s a verb or a noun. An action upon someone or a state of being.

Oh, Oscar, he’s —

unalive? analive?

it’s not that he’s dead but

he’s the opposite of what he was.

unalived?

see, something grabbed through Oscar and turned the organs inside out/or his soul, inside-out

he’s been — hallowed — unalived — was it “hollowed”? — claimed back — taken a-way and a-part —un-a-live-d — his living license got revoked — we got a call from God — It said “we’re gonna have to have to have to; unalive Oscar” — emptied out — unalived.

We’ll forget he ever was here soon.

#i hope one day this word is claimed back #or just claimed really #poetry #[meaningless statement] #i really enjoy this word beyond reason #'i'll make you the opposite of alive/not alive anymore/maybe erase your life altogether' hits harder than 'i'll kill you' sorry #'dead' has nothing on the dread 'unalive' calls from within me #i guess i'm more okay with this word because i've never seen it used the tiktok way and i'm more flexible with a language that isn't mine #unalive