#'its to get peoples imaginations going kristen!' until you realize that you dont actually leave any reliable framework when its done

[kittykatinabag]

While I greatly enjoy the subject of place making in urban design, I utterly hate the amount of pandering to capital holders a lot (if not most) of current "place making professionals" do in their work.

#also really hate some of the current trends of 'pop up events' that run for maybe a month and then never again #'its to get peoples imaginations going kristen!' until you realize that you dont actually leave any reliable framework when its done #and theres an inherent bias against creating those frameworks because that requires decentralization of your knowledge #which makes you and your work finacially threatened and even as a nonprofit you still need to make a living #idk im just pondering webs of power and the paradoxes of creating a better world using capitalism instead of dismantling it #also avoiding doing the newest academia bs and trying to avoid any fucking grades talk with the people i know here #because i havent told them that i havent turned anything in yet because depressions been kicking my ass #and they dont get the executive dysfunction part of it because their anxiety is so out of control that it still forces them to do things #and their reward circuits in their brains still work while mine dont anymore #and while they might have sympathy all theyre going to do is suggest solutions which is not what i need rn #also the solutions they will probably give probably wont work because ive tried pretty much off of them except cocaine #and im trying to avoid doing that for obvious reasons #i already know what i need is to 1- live alone; 2- live in a place with more amenities nearby; and 3- have an understanding support system #the problem is money. and circumstances. and having a support system. but mostly money and circumstances #the thing i cant figure out quite yet is why im avoiding telling them instead of just laying it out there #maybe cause it would seem like im putting part of this burden on them? #maybe something in my instincts and years of social observation is telling me that if i tell them their view of me will drastically change? #and then there goes whatever scraps of a support system i have out here #idk its probably just trauma leaking again #late night ramblings