#(( lil drabble of toki's thoughts post-fallout :> ))

[ruintale]

[DRABBLE] Who Am I, Doctor?

He wished he'd never said anything.

Well, no. That wasn't true. He wished he'd never admitted to listening to the tapes.

No, he couldn't lie to him. That would be worse.

He wished he hadn't listened to the tapes.

But then he'd not have tried hard enough to help, misguided as his attempt was. And if he'd never heard it from the tapes, would he have ever known?

He would have talked to him about anything.

…

No. That's not true. He was afraid.

Afraid of being judged.

…

Why else would someone keep so much of themselves hidden?

Who am I, doctor? Who am I!

Why did he ask that? Did he expect an answer or was he just screaming? Did he even know himself?

Did he not know that he was all of those things? Scientist, torturer, coward, father, friend? He could be all of those things. Tokaku was all those things. A person was made of many pieces. If they weren't they were unstable, prone to destruction of others or of self.

That was something he knew.

That was why he tried so hard to piece himself back together.

That wasn't something his friend could--

But maybe he could.

Just… not in the same way.

How strange, to break pieces of yourself off and willingly trap them in cassette tapes.

#{}{} V: MAIN #{}{} TOKAKU #(( lil drabble of toki's thoughts post-fallout :> ))