#(I really pity the muses who get involved with Sonia's family)

[morethanaprincess-a]

Oh, very well.

It’s Incorrect Quotes time: Novoselic Royal Family edition.

Since it’ll be a bit long, it’s under the cut.

Before I start, here’s a bit of info I’ve already written and posted regarding her family:

Introductions to Sonia’s extended family

Annual Masquerade Ball mishaps, part 1

Annual Masquerade Ball mishaps, part 2

Queen Valentina: God, I hope you're not inviting that bloody, bollocky, selfish, two-faced, chicken bastard, pig-dog-man, are you??

Sonia: You could just say 'Father!' I'd still know what you meant!

Sonia: (about her mother’s clothes she is throwing out) I could take these down to the charity shop.

Queen Valentina: (splutters) You cannot give these sort of clothes to the poor! Darling, I'm sure they've got enough to contend with without the added humiliation of wearing last season's, sweetie!

Sonia: I mean, you know what it’s like, you’ve given up drinking before.

Liam: Worst eight hours of my life.

Queen Valentina: You’re kind like Rapunzel.

Sonia: What?

Queen Valentina: But instead of letting down your hair you just let down everyone in your life.

Queen Valentina: Well, it’s not often you get to confront your greatest failure face-to-face.

Sonia: Good to see you too, Mother.

Sam: Do you have a self-care routine? Sonia: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents. King Alexandre: Can you pass the salt? Queen Valentina: Can you pass away? King Alexandre: Too much salt. Cecily, watching Prince Liam, Prince Samuel, and Princess Sonia empty an entire bottle of absinthe: Where are your parents? The three royals, deadpan, on Christmas Eve: What are parents? Cecily, wondering if her job is being a secretary or being a therapist: That’s just about the saddest thing I've ever heard. Sonia: You believe me? Liam: Sonia, you’re the last good person on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning. Sam: What the fuck is wrong with you?? Liam: What? No good morning? Sam: Good morning, what the fuck is wrong with you?? Liam, standing 5′11″: When I was your age- Sam, mocking Liam, standing 6′3″: When I was your height. Liam: Liam: Listen here you little shit- Duchess Olivia: Are you this rude to everyone?! Queen Valentina: Yup. Queen Valentina: Don't think you're special. King Alexandre: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking. Prince Arthur, patting him on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself. Queen Valentina: Prince Liam, my nephew! Liam: I think you tried to kill me at some point. Queen Valentina: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you. Sonia: What's wrong with you? Sam: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression. Duchess Olivia, still a bit high: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk. Prince Arthur: Go the fuck to sleep Olivia. King Alexandre: Sonia... Sonia: Oh no, 'Sonia' in B flat. Sonia: You're disappointed. Duchess Olivia: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Prince Arthur: If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid. Queen Valentina: Met a dumbass today. Awful. Liam: You looked in a mirror? Queen Valentina: someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful. Liam: I hope they've calmed down... Prince Arthur: Shut the fuck up you annoying ass pig. Sonia: I feel so burnt out. Prince Arthur: Don’t worry, it'll be over soon. Sonia: Are you gonna... assassinate me? Prince Arthur: Well not if you’re expecting it. Queen Valentina, in a very bitter tone: Do you want some tea? Sonia, hesitantly, because she knows her mother is mad: What are the options? Queen Valentina, in a tone that indicates there’s only one right answer: Yes or no. Sonia, as a little girl, very tired and very scared after having a nightmare: C-Can I sleep in your bed, mother? Queen Valentina: *half asleep* Sonia, this is a queen-sized bed. That means it’s for *gestures vaguely to herself* the Queen. Liam: Thank you for not saying "I told you so." Sam: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it. Sonia: Am I in trouble? King Alexandre: Take a guess. Sonia: No? King Alexandre: Take another guess. Anyone, literally anyone, Sonia brings home to meet her family (RIP): Why are you guys acting like this? Sonia, smiling through her tears: Oh, we're not acting. We really are like this. Liam: Guys, they're definitely prepared for us. They even have a training model of our brand new top-secret stealth helicopter. Sam: No you idiot, that’s ours we crashed! Liam: Oh yeah. I guess that makes more sense. King Alexandre, before he and his wife are meeting any potential spouse for Sonia. Particularly if he’s arranging the marriage or their daughter is bringing home a commoner: Remember what I told you. Queen Valentina, sighing dramatically: Don’t be a cunt. Queen Valentina: You might not know this, Sonia, but I am a flawed person. Sonia: I do know that. Sonia: While I'm gone, you're in charge, Liam. Liam: Yes! Sonia, whispering to Sam: You're secretly in charge, but I don't want him to feel bad. Sam, nodding sagely: Obviously. Sonia: Self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath or putting on a lot of make up if you like that, or taking a nice warm nap and stuff like that basically. Liam: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you. self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists. self care is the fear in your enemies eyes. Sam, on his fifth piece of apple tart: Self care is stealing someone’s birthday cake just to eat the frosting. Liam: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands. Sam: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Sonia's birthday invitations. Liam: Well, what are they supposed to say? Sam: "Sonia's birthday". Liam: So, what do they say instead? Sam: "Sonia’s bi". Liam: Liam: Works out either way. Prince Arthur: Without ugly, there would be no beauty in this world. Queen Valentina: Thank you for your sacrifice, Olivia. Sonia: Why would you do that? Sam: Because I feel guilty. Liam: Guilt is a trick emotion. It’s put there by our parents to stop us from doing things that feel good. Duchess Olivia: I think Sam is in trouble! Prince Arthur: Alright. Struggling to give a fuck, if I’m honest. Queen Valentina: I hate your father. Sonia: "Hate' is a strong word. Queen Valentina: I have strong opinions. Sonia: It’s funny how well you and my mum get along. Didn’t they hate you at first? Duchess Olivia: Your mother hates everybody at first. It’s her way of reaching out to people. Duchess Olivia: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without? Prince Arthur: Sam, probably.

#more-than-a-princess headcanons #more-than-a-princess dashcomm #(Quotes that are incorrect but not really) #(I really pity the muses who get involved with Sonia's family) #(They're barely functional most of the time.) #(Holidays make it much worse)