#(but until then it's big denial mode bc ragnarok messed him up something fierce and i'm not even talking about-)

[magnusmodig]

rough childhood headcanon qs / @clxscdeyes / no longer accepting !

╰┈➤ 7 . how old was your muse when they realized they had childhood trauma?

||. one whole "today years old" post!ragnarok and hela's reveal. Except, even then, according to the movie, not really because Thor is still in heavy denial about all of it where Odin is concerned. I've spoken a bit (here) about how Thor adores his family; he idolizes them and views them through blinding rose-colored glasses, (especially when they're deceased) and that is especially true of his circumstances.

So, very often times when the truth clashes with the rose-colored view of them (namely: his father), Thor does one of two things: find a way to justify the words or action with the surrounding context of the time to make it make sense (e.g., well he scolded me harshly because i was talking back), or avoid it altogether. (this is his go-to. no talking about it; thor would rather not right now, so he does not.)

Key example being: he would rather focus on how his father changed his ways, and the Odin that he knew and grew up with was a man who had turned away from pursuing war for war's sake, and was instead one who valued peace and life. He would rather focus on that aspect of Odin, and take in the broader picture of Odin's life. REGARDLESS of the fact that what Thor is deeply, personally affected - not with the realization that Odin changed his ways once upon a time - but by the fact that he lied to him, manipulated him, and controlled and shaped every aspect of his being, for Thor's whole life, JUST to avoid another Hela. Someone who Thor is not, could not be farther from, and never knew about, because Odin (apparently) kept the matter of his true first-born a closely-guarded secret and seemingly would have continued to were it not for Odin's death, Hela's escape, and Ragnarok all coinciding at the same moment in time. And this, all because Thor rationalizes it as "well, I wouldn't want to be remembered and judged based on the person that I used to be. I should extend that same kindness to my father, because he too, changed." (x10 because now Odin is dead. And it's in poor-taste to speak ill of a dead man.)

The problem namely being: Thor only talks about things when Thor decides it's time to talk about things ; when he is ready. ...but as this is a topic that ripple effects down to Thor's core, good luck getting him to open up about it, even just with himself.

#(yknow what sucks most about this is that 2011-2015 thor was on a trajectory where) #(while he still wouldn't talk about a lot of things he wasn't as firmly rooted in /absolute denial/ like he is now >>) #(he would lock up and not talk about his personal feelings but he was still /thinking/ about them) #(- and could grow ready to share his thoughts once he processed through all of it.) #(or at least he would broach the broad concepts while still lightly brushing over 'k but how did it make THOR feel') #(dude would rather choke than talk about his own feelings no support system for thor he's so dumb) #(which is also just so funny because he never /denied/ the fact that he's feeling under the weather either) #(he just... won't elaborate on why he is or how to feel better.) #(but anyways) #(to rationalize the trajectory shift away from 'thor being able to talk about deeply upsetting topics for him even if it's uncomfortable') #(i've decided that so much has happened in such a short amount of time and there's /so/ many things eating at him-) #(-that he's subconsciously decided he's not going to talk much about any of them. because there's just too much.) #(the vibe of 'if i talk about this now i'm going to fall and if i fall i don't know if i can get up again because it's finally too heavy) #(-and i can't afford to fall down bc there's too much at stake outside of me so i just will not take the chance') #(he can if he's ever with someone he truly trusts and he can speak about it NORMALLY if that person pushes him enough) #(because you've always had to needle thor to /actually answer your question/ rather than talk half-way around it) #(//stares at thor 2011 where he never opens up to jane even once not even at the fire-side chat) #(but until then it's big denial mode bc ragnarok messed him up something fierce and i'm not even talking about-) #(-the order of in-universe events that happen in the movie orz) #( ooc . ) — stories that leap from the page . #( answered . ) — black feathers fall to a raven's call . #clxscdeyes #( headcanon . ) — glory to the man who toils for his land . may it ever prosper .