#* introspection.

[denniisa]

from the very first season,  we are shown that dennis cares a  lot  about his physical appearance.  a lot of fans argue that this is his vanity and narcissism,  but i truly think that it is in a eating disorder.  as someone with an eating disorder,  i see a lot of my food habits and behaviors in dennis words/actions.  at the very end of this you will find a list of multiple episodes with direct quotes from the show showing this behavior.  this meta is going to go under a read more because i will be talking in detail about eating disorder behavior, also it just got really long and kind of away from me. please keep this in mind when you read this !!

dennis often worries about his appearance,  asking for validation from others to tell him that he looks good or he is in shape.  there are also often times when dennis critiques someone else's physical appearance,  commenting about how fat they’ve gotten or how out of shape they are.  i think that this is him projecting his own insecurities onto others.

the show does go into great detail about dennis eating habits,  and i’m going to list a few of them here:

restricting his food intake

fasting for a day, or multiple days at a time

exercising multiple times a day

not eating gluten, sugar, or dairy

concerned about calorie contents in food

over eating during periods when he feels anxious

purging when he feels like he has eaten something toxic

drinking hard liquor instead of beer because it contains a lot of "empty calories"

becoming physically ill when he ingests something that has a higher calorie count than he is used to

dennis also worries a lot about his physical appearance. in the show he dyes his hair and puts on makeup to make sure that he is always looking his best. he is frequently worried about other peoples perception of him.

i do think that his eating disorder behavior partially comes from his need to be seen as desirable and attractive, but i do think some of it also comes from his desperate need for control over something. dennis is often controlling others and manipulating things behind the scenes, and ends up going into rage filled rants when things do not go as planned. he has specific systems for everything, and he hates when things feel out of control.

i think ultimately dennis really struggles with the idea of being good enough. i think he tries very hard to appear 'attractive' because he feels like that is what he needs to do. when he was younger, he was clearly his mothers favorite sibling. barbara has admitted that in the show and it is not just speculation. she put an insane amount of pressure on dennis from a very young age to be the very best he can be. i believe this is also part of the reason why dennis often manipulates his personality and puts on a different 'mask' depending on the situation.

i'm not sure exactly what eating disorder he has, i'm feeling like if he were every to get a diagnosis he would probably be diagnosed with something like ednos ( eating disorder not otherwise specified ). dennis shows symptoms of anorexia, bulimia, and orthorexia.

alright, now into the quotes to back up my claims about dennis' eating disorder. there are multiple instances in canon that dennis shows the symptoms of his eating disorder.  i have probably missed a few of these,  but under the cut you can find some quotes from various episodes that really stood out to me. i think these moments really show dennis' eating disorder and the symptoms of it.

the gang exploits a miracle,  s2e7: 

dennis: does my face look fat to you ?? dee: yeah dennis: no no don’t screw with me here seriously … it’s just the tv right ?? dee: no it’s been looking fat den: hey matty matthew mara (cricket): hey dennis how are you ?? dennis: i’ve been better,  i’ve been better.  let me ask you a question man. um … i know it’s been years since we’ve seen each other but does my face look fat to you ?? cricket: well we’ve all put on a few since high school dennis: of course, of course,  but i don’t look fat right ?? cricket: uhm no.  dennis,  a few moments later: check it out though,  why did you pause before you said no earlier? cricket: i’m sorry ?? dennis: well earlier when i asked you if my face looked fat you kind of paused  cricket: i’m … not sure.  dennis: hello ( gestures towards himself,  sucking in his cheeks ) dee: what is wrong with you ?? dennis: ugh well i’ve been fasting for three days so i probably look good. dee: you haven’t eaten anything for three days ?? dennis: and i feel great ( said slurred,  looks woozy ) frank: why the hell are you fasting dennis: well i thought i would get into the spirit of the religious aspect that we got going- dee: it’s ‘cus we said his face looks fat dennis: it is not i … p-people have been fasting for thousands of years- dee: face looks fat dennis: -for heath and religious purposes.  moses- dee: fat face dee then continues to talk over dennis while saying over and over again that he looks fat,  that his face is fat, ect.  frank: lets find some coffee sober him up dennis stares off into the distance for a few seconds, not responding frank: did you hear me ?? dennis: hm ?? frank: dennis … i think you really gotta eat.  dennis: no i just spaced out for a second … what’s up ?? dee: whoa,  you are not lookin' good, huh ?? dennis: truth,  truth. face fat ?? dee: no, you idiot.  your face is fine.  i just got mad that you called mine blotchy. dennis: oh.  why-why-why ... dee: what ?? dennis: why you do that ?? dee: oh, um, because you're a bad person. a few moments later dennis ends up passing passing out due to the fact that he hasn’t eaten in several days. 

the gang gets whacked pt 2,  s3e13

frank: you leave everything to me.  all you have to do is sit there,  relax,  have yourself a drink,  and just keep lookin’ handsome. dennis: okay i like that arrangement get me a beer frank!  frank: oh,  no beer.  too many calories.  it’s all about keeping this body fit.  i’ll get ya a nice vodka tonic.  dennis: well that doesn’t have much calories so i think that’s a smart drink.

sweet dee has a heart attack,  s3e10

dennis and dee are at the gym,  discussing what type of physique they want to achieve by working out dennis: i don’t wanna get too bulky.  i wanna stay nice and lean and tight.  i want that jesus on the cross look. dee: i see what you’re saying. dennis: jesus had the right idea,  no pain no gain.

the nightman cometh,  s4e13

charlie: dennis, what are you doing ?? dennis,  eating baby sized snickers bars: i'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable.

mac and dennis break up,  s5e9

now i’m not exactly sure if this counts as  disordered eating  but it very well could be,  either disordered talk/beliefs.  i can see this being more related to dennis’ autism and desiere for structure,  but i do think it is related to dennis needing some control over his food. dennis: oh do me a favor.  peel this apple for me please ??  dee: no !!  no,  i’m not going to peel an apple for you. dennis: but mac always does it for me. dee: why does mac peel your apples for you ??  dennis: he doesn’t like for me to eat the apples with the skin on it.  he says the skins are loaded with toxins they argue for a bit more,  and then dennis shouts about how he is not “allowed” to eat apples with the skin on them.

the gang gets a new member,  s6e8

dennis orders salads for himself,  mac,  schmitty,  and frank for lunch.  when schmitty comments that he would prefer linguini,  dennis says  “linguini is too heavy for lunch”.  

frank’s pretty woman,  s7e1

mac: this is getting ridiculous dude.  we’re getting older we’re not going to look older. dennis: no i am going to look twenty forever,  mac.  because the older i get the more vigilant i become.  alright,  i don’t eat lunch anymore for instance.  yeah !!  and on odd days i don’t eat breakfast. mac: that sounds miserable. dennis: no dude,  it’s not miserable.  well,  yeah it is a little bit.  but it has to be man !!  no pain no gain !!  i am also constantly in motion.  like right now ??  dude,  i am doing leg lifts that are imperceptable to the human eye.  call ‘em hummingbirds.  and although i seem relaxed,  i’m actually incredibly tense at all times.  a few moments later a doctor goes over mac and dennis’ medical test results doctor: well i see severe dehydration here,  multiple vitamin deficiencies,  anemia,  low blood pressure. dennis: mac,  i don’t want you to fret okay i’m gonna get you on my exercise program,  i’m gonna get you fit as a fiddle. doctor: no these … these are your results mister reynolds.  a few moments later,  dennis almost passes out and says he hasn’t eaten anything all day.

the high school reunion pt. 2: the gangs revenge,  s7e13 

dennis: yeah i’m wearing a little bit of makeup,  who doesn’t- tim murphy’s wife: and a girdle  dennis: yeah i wanted to seem thin for the occasion,  that’s not weird.

mac day,  s9e5

dennis,  while eating chips:  carbs wise this is gonna set me back but i don’t even give a shit.

dennis takes a mental health day, s16e8

dennis is trying to order a tea for himself but the employee at the boba tea shop informs him that he cannot order tea without boba. dennis: you know, so, I'll take the tea without the covert diabetes delivery mechanism, please.

#eating disorder // #ed // #ed behavior // #alcohol // #ask to tag. #introspection. #headcanon. #OKAY IM FINALLY DONE

[ratkiing-a]

gans media retro games by hot mulligan & season 15 episode 8 of it's always sunny in philadelphia.

#aesthetic. #musings. #introspection. #dead body // #long post // #ask to tag. #visage. #the gang / mac. #the gang / dee. #the gang / dennis. #the gang / frank.

[deityforged]

Sb: you can’t keep calling grown ass men baby girl

Ashmi:

#introspection. #OWSNEOFMGO #I’m in a silly little mood tonight #Ashmi: uh??? yeah I can??? most like it?? tf??

[somniamater]

still thinking about this scene. the way she tries to maintain the illusion of dominance, when she is quite literally at her most vulnerable, politically and otherwise, in that moment ( and how monumentous a feat controlling her face in general seems to be ). the release of raw panic when she is alone, beseeching the light.

#*right* when she was certain everything had fallen into perfectly into place #lanfear and her complicated relationship with vulnerability in general #INTROSPECTION.

[lawbnd]

Fighting Style Profile

bold what always or often applies. italicize sometimes or situational. cross out nevers. repost, don’t reblog.

fights honorably / fights dirty

prefers close - quarters / prefers range

chats during / goes silent

low pain tolerance / high pain tolerance

attacks in bursts / attacks steadily

goes for the kill / aims to disarm / fights defensively / strikes first

is provoked easily / provokes their opponent / teases

gets visibly frustrated / shouts while attacking

uses strategy / focuses on the battle / experiences conflicting thoughts during battle

rushes in recklessly / tries to read their opponent before engaging

fights wildly / fights calmly / fights apathetically / fights with anger / fights with excitement / fights with delight

fights because they have to / fights because they want to

fights without regard to wounds / runs away when wounded / hides wounds / takes a blow to protect another

prefers a blade / prefers a gun / prefers hand to hand combat / prefers a bow / prefers a shield / prefers a personalised weapon / prefers magic, alchemy or spells

their greatest weakness is physical / their greatest weakness is mental / their greatest weakness is emotional

transforms for battle / fights as they appear

relies on strength / doubts their strength / relies on speed

uses everything they have / proceeds with caution / hides their full potential

exhausts quickly / has high stamina

behaves arrogantly / brags after landing a hit / belittles their abilities

uses psychological tactics / uses brute strength

avoid civilians / strikes down civilians

damages surroundings / avoids damaging surroundings

signature fighting style / makes it up as they go

mastered skill - set / learning their skill - set

fancy footwork / sloppy footwork

messy fighter / elegant fighter

accepts defeat / refuses defeat / begs for mercy

compliments their opponent / insults their opponent

uses unnecessary movements / moves efficiently / barely moves

prefers to dodge / prefers to block

defends their blindside / has no blindside / leaves blindsides vulnerable

uses all available advantages / strictly uses one main method

plays around / holds back / fights ruthlessly / shows mercy

waits for an opponent to be ready / strikes when opponent isn’t ready

fears death / fears pain / fears killing

has ptsd / avoids fighting

has lost a fight / has won a fight

has killed / refuses to kill / enjoys killing

wants to die standing / would succumb slowly

#so. phoenix isn't a fighter. #however. this man's anger comes WAY before his logical thinking a lot of the time #and he acts impulsively. #so the times he HAS fought have been full out raged fuelled. #introspection.

[facepeeled]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 / tagged by @ghostfcce and @marshthing

anxiety is your companion, the shadow that hangs over you like a storm cloud. it's a voice that whispers in your ear, telling you all the things that could go wrong- echoing and bouncing inside the walls of your mind. it's a feeling that clutches at your chest, making it hard to breathe. it's a cycle, a never-ending loop of worry and fear. i wish i could turn it off for you, silence the doubt in your mind, but it's always there, lurking in the corners of your thoughts, ready to strike when you least expect it.

#introspection. #dash games.

[ratkiing]

hi i'm in my feels now about charlie. about how terrified he was to come out as trans to his best friend because he knew how religious he was, and "homophobic". how he's kept his identity secret from everyone in the gang. how mac found out because mac was pissed that he was gone for a whole month without saying anything, and dee found out because they slept together. how dennis and frank don't know, because he's too scared to tell them. i'm so good.

#transphobia // #ask to tag. #this is all in my 'canon' btw #not actual show canon i just wanna make that clear #also i blame lys for these feelings #headcanon. #introspection.

[engin3er]

WEBWEAVE + cate & melanie

#INTROSPECTION. #ask to tag/ #i love them so bad

[denniisa]

thinking abt this again

#ask to tag. #illness // #introspection. #i am sad

[ratkiing-a]

when charlie writes his name he writes it as "cat" because mac taught him ( as a bit ) that it's the correct way go spell charlie and I do not think I will ever be over that.

like I mean .... come on. AAAA

#ITS SO SWEET BUT ALSO SAD #Im sobbing #introspection.

[bloomyre]

inspo + THE LORENS

#INTROSPECTION.

[suziebeaulieu]

@.𝒘𝒊𝒓𝒆𝒅𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆   :    𝙲𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙰𝙲𝚃𝙴𝚁   𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙳𝚈   ,   𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃   𝙾𝙽𝙴   .    (   mutuals   may   interact   ,   personals/non-mutuals   will   be   blocked   .   )

#aes. #introspection. #my edits.

[deityforged]

drabble. // i miss you.

' Ashmi. Ashmi, my love, wake up. '

there's a low grumble that resonates through woman's throat - if only because she knows companion is right. she must awaken. Even now, streams of light are funneling in through the cracks of hand sewn curtains, & no matter where she turns to avoid them, the damage is done. her body is awakening.

sleep heavy hands reach for pillow, in an attempt to cover her face - but alas !! they never even make contact, for it is snatched away from her grip - followed by an amused chortle of partner - even with her eyes closed, she can envision his smile - it's almost enough to make her want to get out of bed. key word being almost. Body shifts, until back is facing husband, fake snores starting to leave her lips - she's trying to hold on to every last second she is able to be in bed, & they both know this.

there's shuffling around the bed, and it goes quiet - enough to make ashmi stop her charade, eyebrows furrowed, eyes still closed. hands trail down exposed feet, toes curling out of reflex - is he going to give a massage? she wonders. i wouldn't mind that. no, disappointment fills her veins as hands travel further upwards.

& suddenly they're gripping her ankles!

Golden eyes snap awake as her head immediately turns, mouth opening in the beginnings of a complaint as Viraj yanks - with an underlying strength that she marvels at every time, she finds herself almost halfway off the bed, arms splayed out dramatically, strands of hair spread over the top half of the bed.

He's laughing now, the jerk, a full body laugh that reverberates through his body - his own grey hues twinkling with mirth as she glares half heartedly up at him - never truly mad, she could never be mad at him for as long as she lived - lips pursed in a pout.

' Rise and shine sleeping beauty. ' he chuckles, before leaning over her, hand cupping her cheek - her skin burns at the touch - Viraj has always left that sensation over every single part of her body. She scowls playfully, before eagerly reciprocating his kiss, her eyes closing in absolute bliss.

he starts coughing.

there's a choking sound, a horrible, GARGLING coming from viraj that makes her eyes snap open - the scent of blood is viciously pungent in the air, and drops of scarlet are dripping onto her face. her husband is staring at her, mouth opening to form words - what are you saying, she can hear herself crying. what do you need?

he crumples over her, her hands clutching his body tightly - palms soaking with red, his clothes ripped to shreds upon his poor back. someone is making horrible screeching noises, akin to a wounded animal. it doesn't take long to recognize the sounds are coming from her.

VIRAJ!

She snaps herself from slumber , drenched in a sweat that causes undergarment to stick. it's not blood, she is relieved to find, turning to look over at the other sight of the bed.

it's empty.

the recognition makes her heart sink into her stomach as reality sets in. viraj is not hurt. viraj is dead. he has been dead for decades. she is alone.

how horrible of her to want to go back to sleep, she thinks. at least she would be able to touch him there.

#introspection. #hmm.

[spiritdreamt]

songs and quotes for the muse ♥ under the cut 'cause it's long tagged by: @shilohgreen tagging: @allevils, @publicabsent, @painmon, @slashaer, @dumbthink, @princetorn, and you!!

five SONGS for my muse:

—bag of bones by mitski. mercy on me, would you please spare me tonight? / i'm tired of this searching, would you let me let go? / and i can take a little bit more / let's shake this poet out of the beast.

—liability by lorde. the truth is, i am a toy that people enjoy / 'til all of the tricks don't work anymore / and then they are bored of me. / i know that it's exciting, running through the night, but / every perfect summer's eating me alive until you're gone.

—styrofoam plates by death cab for cutie. you're a disgrace to the concept of family / the priest won't divulge that fact in his homily / and i'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet / you can deck out a lie in a suit, but i won't buy it / ... and just 'cause he's gone, it doesn't change the fact / he was a bastard in life, thus a bastard in death.

—fake out by fall out boy. do you laugh about me whenever i leave? / or do i just need more therapy? / love is in the air, i just gotta figure out a window to break out / buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out.

—waiting room by phoebe bridgers. and when broken bodies are washed ashore / who am i to ask for more, more more? / but you're breathing in my open mouth / you're the gun in my lips that will blow my brains out / i want to make you drive all night just because i said maybe you should come over / i want to make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents' teenage daughter / she'll be the best you ever had, if you let her.

five QUOTES for my muse:

she does know the earth / is run by mothers, this much / is certain. she also knows / she is not what is called / a girl any longer. regarding / incarceration, she believes // she has been a prisoner since she has been a daughter. persephone the wanderer, by louise glück.

i'll hurt myself first. i know the places that are the most delicate. i'll do the hurting from now on, as long as all of this stops!!! the secret diary of laura palmer, by jennifer lynch.

i was a very lonely child and it's funny but the first word that comes to my head is "starved." i felt starved of affection, starved of love and i felt that it wasn't ok to ask for it. maybe there was a sense that if i deserved it, it would be there. there must be something i'd done which meant i didn't deserve it. to die for, by carol lee.

i had a room to myself as a kid, but my mother was always quick to point out that it wasn't my room, it was her room and i was merely permitted to occupy it. her point, of course, was that my parents had earned everything and i was merely borrowing the space, and while this is technically true i cannot help but marvel at the singular damage of this dark idea: that my existence as a child was a kind of debt and nothing, no matter how small, was mine. that no space was truly private; anything of mine could be forfeited at someone else's whim. in the dream house, by carmen maria machado.

i'm a strange new kind of inbetween thing aren't i / not at home with the dead nor with the living. antigonick, by anne carson.

#about. #introspection.

[romaahn]

ESPACIO TEMPORAL: Fiesta de año nuevo. Después del starter, no habiendo podido escapar con ningún personaje y luego de dar con Venus. PARTICIPANTES: Roman, Venus. HABILIDAD PUESTA EN PRÁCTICA: Fortaleza 2. ( @internod ) TRIGGER WARNING: Violencia.

“Los jardines no funcionarán. La mayoría intentará esconderse entre ellos con el grueso de los bastardos pisándoles los talones. Tenemos que regresar al salón principal y atravesarlo a como de lugar.”

Las instrucciones habían sido claras. Ninguno de los dos tenían que repasarlas porque la danza que debían bailar era bien conocida por cada uno; Venus guiaba, Roman abría el paso. Las criaturas que intentarán echárseles encima se encontrarían con el cuerpo robusto del más bajo, quien estaba dispuesto a sacarlos del camino entre el uso de la fortaleza que lo protegería a sí mismo y a su sire en simultáneo. Venus, desde su lugar, sólo esperaría la remoción de los obstáculos segura de que Roman no permitiría que moviera siquiera un dedo pues eso sólo le encabronaría más de lo que la situación de por sí le molestaba.

Para cuando llegaron al lugar mencionado, una imagen grotesca se abrió frente a ellos donde cuerpos de variados orígenes se retorcían de muchas maneras. Algunos, echados en el suelo, soltaban alaridos de desesperación. Otros luchaban contra pares vástagos que intentaban sacárselos de encima. Un último grupo, tristemente menor, encajaba estacas improvisadas cuales alfileres atravesando muñecos de trapo. La imagen resecó el paladar de Roman. De no ser porque tenía a su sire a espaldas, hasta habría retrocedido algunos pasos. Como sintiendo el temor que se alzaba en lo más recóndito de su ser, unas uñas afiladas se posaron sobre su hombro. Lo delicado de la caricia se sintió aún más peligroso que las frenéticas bestias hambrientas que todavía no determinaban sus presencias.

—Sabes qué es lo que tienes que hacer. No lo he dicho, pero lo sabes. Esa pequeñísima y estúpida cabeza no la tienes de adorno, ¿no es así? —El susurro se siente tan cerca del perfil de su oreja que anula el resto de sonidos que hacen eco contra aquellas paredes.

Tenía razón. Sabía cómo proceder, siempre lo había hecho. Venus ha desempeñado un trabajo ejemplar a la hora de plantar cada pequeña semillas, ideas que lo envenenaban y que más tarde fueron regadas hasta hacerlas florecer en rosales que arrazaban y desgarraban toda la tierra que había a su paso. Roman no estaba allí para pensar. Estaba allí para actuar.

—Ahora sé un perro obediente… Y hazlo.

La última de las palabras femeninas determinó el momento en el que Roman dio un primer paso. Luego el segundo. Inmediatamente, el tercero y el cuarto. Sin ser sometido a la influencia de ningún poder más allá del miedo que sentía por su sire, caminó directamente hacia unos neófitos que no dudaron en levantar la cabeza. Olisquearon el aire, lo miraron con una curiosidad cautelosa que pronto sería lavada por una sed sobrecogedora que había conocido una vez. El ventrue supo que cualquier pensamiento no tardaría en desaparecer de sus orbes opacas y se lo demostraron corriendo instintivamente hacia él, brazos estirados por delante y bocas preparadas para hincarse en la tersura de cualquier cuello que les pudiera proveer de alimento. Sin embargo, él no sería una presa fácil. Se los dejó en claro cuando recibió los fauces de ambos con las palmas abiertas, expuestas a dientes que no lograban penetrar la dureza de su piel. Sin pensarlo dos veces, cernió los dedos sobre sus rostros para apretar y causar cuanto dolor fuese posible. Segundos más tarde, los arrojó sin clemencia a un costado. Una vez más, siguió a avanzando con determinación y repitiendo la hazaña con quienes intentaran sacar provecho de alguno de los dos. Brazos, piernas, cualquier recurso que su cuerpo le permitiera usar en la lucha era bien aprovechado.

A pocas palmas de distancia, una Venus sonriente fue siguiéndolo, divertida por la manera en que los neófitos caían confundidos al suelo sólo para volver a levantarse y, una vez más, se echaban encima de su chiquillo. Lo que en un principio se vio fácil no hizo más que subir de intensidad con cada que un cuerpo adicionándose.

—Qué mediocre eres, Roman, ¿cuál será tu excusa ahora? He visto generaciones trece hacer un mejor trabajo que este, —se carcajeó desde atrás con ambos brazos cruzados por delante del torso. Al mismo tiempo, el ventrue caía con una rodilla sobre la alfombra a causa del peso de los recién nacidos intentando morder hasta la pulcra ropa blanca que había elegido para la celebración. Lo que le había costado miles de dólares no tardaba en ceder haciéndose jirones..— ¿Qué crees que haré cuando salgamos de aquí? Bueno, si es que logras que salgamos. Porque si no lo haces, te recuerdo, seré yo misma quien te quiebre tu cuello en dos.

El tono usualmente elegante de la mujer se torna frío. Y esa es la gota que rebasa el vaso, pues Roman se hace con una fuerza que pensó que no tenía para volver a empujarse a los bastardos de encima. Sólo que esta vez cae de rodillas, poco llegando a arrastrarse antes de que lo vuelvan a tomar de las piernas. Afortunadamente para el vástago, sus manos logran cerrarse hasta los fragmentos de alguna ventana rota, mismos que usa para volverse y encajar en el pecho de sus contrincantes.

Aunque ha neutralizado el peligro, tal cual quería su sire, se siente agotado. La pesadez en sus extremidades por el excesivo uso de la disciplina, sumado a los pequeños cortes que le ha dejado el encuentro donde sangre gotea sobre la alfombra, le hace sentir un cansancio que no ha experimentado en décadas. Los párpados empiezan a caer y cuando quiere echarse al suelo siente un tirón del cabello de su nuca llevándole la cabeza hacia atrás. Los ojos hacen un esfuerzo por enfocarse, encontrando así a la mujer que una vez le quitó la vida, hincada sobre él, con la ira deformando sus hermosas facciones. La belleza letal de Venus que una vez le atrajo ahora se ve manchada por la cólera de verlo derrotado.

—¿Quién te ha dicho que descanses? ¿Empezarás a holgazanear ahora? Te he dejado en claro las veces suficientes que no puedes actuar por tu cuenta hasta que yo decida cuál será el próximo de tus pasos. Y si lo he hecho, entonces no tienes el derecho a decidir hacer lo contrario. Por tu maldita y miserable existencia, si no te pones de pie ahora mismo…

Roman escucha el largo de toda su amenaza pero no es ella quien ve, sino a uno de los neófitos que se ha levantado por detrás y ahora corre directamente hacia ambos. ¿Su primer instinto? Protegerla, no porque quiera sino porque esa es su única utilidad. Porque para eso se encuentra allí. Porque si no es un escudo para único vástago que genuinamente odia, ¿entonces qué será?

El neófito intenta encajar los dientes en el hombro de la fémina. Como si ya supiera que aquello no tendría éxito, Venus no reacciona instantáneamente. Sí, deja de despotricar en contra de su chiquillo pero no por eso le retira la vista de encima. Hay una pausa tensa donde a Roman le cuesta cada vez más extender su resistencia hacia ella y queda claro por cómo la expresión se le contrae del esfuerzo. Cree que no resistirá más… Pero la mujer termina por sacarse a la criatura por su cuenta. Irgue la postura y le da la espalda a Roman. Dedicarle una mirada será suficiente para deformarle los pensamientos hasta la agonía. Roman lo sabía muy bien, había sido uno de los varios sujetos de pruebas de su sire en incontables cantidades de veces. Los gritos del desconocido entonces empantanaron sus oídos. Gritos como los suyos. Gritos como los de los chiquillos que no aguantaron el yugo de la mujer. La manipulación, las pruebas, las torturas infinitas en las que revivían el momento de sus muertes constantemente y con la única promesa de que el día en que la desobedecieran les haría atravesar un fin infinitas veces más doloroso que ese.

Sin pensarlo, Roman se arrastró de rodillas. Logró ponerse de pie aunque toda su postura estuviese doblada hacia adelante, y entre pasos intentó alejarse. Primero unos pasos, luego un trote errático y que parecía interrumpido entre tropezones. Aunque el miedo siempre había sido lo suficientemente grande como para actuar al pie de la letra, con el único objetivo que complacer cada uno de los caprichos de su sire, hoy sólo le sirvió de combustible para huír. No sería la primera vez, de todos modos. Cuando recién había sido convertido solía hacerlo con regularidad— entonces no tenía ni idea del alcance de la locura de la mujer. Hoy sí, y sabía que más tarde se lo haría pagar caro.

Mientras tanto, Venus lo deja irse.

Ochenta años habían transcurrido desde que cayó en sus manos. Ocho simples décadas. Un tiempo corto pero suficiente para acondicionar a Roman a cómo comportarse y cuándo hacerlo, sin la necesidad de una mínima pulsación de su dominancia a su favor. Por eso es que lo había arrastrado hasta la muerte, porque poco tiempo después de conocerlo cayó en cuenta de que luciría como la adición perfecta a su tablero. Sin embargo, después de tantos esos años seguía demostrándole que no estaba listo; el menor seguía sin ser la pieza que necesitaba.

Pero estaba bien. Venus era un vástago con una misericordia infinita (y retorcida), por eso el repiqueteo de sus tacones destilaron un eco que se movía en la dirección que había tomado su tembloroso chiquillo.

Tenía toda una eternidad para arreglarlo.

#introspection. #está bien largo y denso porque quería explorar la dinámica con venus y me pareció la excusa perfecta

[facepeeled]

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐃𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄?

in your fingertips

your love is stored in your fingertips; it extends beyond you even when you don't mean for it to. you love through touch, a physical connection that lends you the ability to project beyond words all the things you can't say- the good things, the gentle tender ones that feel like too much to put your own name to. don't worry people understand what you mean; love looks like hands- soft despite the strength.

tagged by: @clownfile ty! tagging: @anthrcpophagi @bigyellowmoon (set!) @bloodrodeo and @sheldoney

#dash games. #introspection.