#18 years having to be shoved down the drain and untouched because as an adult it can't matter anymore

[cassettecase]

not going into it because i don't have the time or energy right now but growing up abused and suddenly living with an absense of it as an adult ruins you. it really does

#18 years having to be shoved down the drain and untouched because as an adult it can't matter anymore #but it effects every second of my life and i've had 6 years to figure out how to cope with it and i feel like we've hit a wall #and are slowly creeping towards reversing progress #every time a coworker asks about our family or raises their eyebrows at me when i say i don't want to talk about it i want to scream #and the times we've glossed over it we got jokes about mommy issues and hit with “don't ask __ about his mom because he won't stop” #everything is a joke #i still feel like she's going to show up one day and try to strangle me in my own home #and i have dreams all the time about the things our grandmother put in our head #but it doesn't matter anymore and you just have to live with it! you just have to shrug and go on with daily life #pretending you don't want to lash out at everyone over everything because your brain is a bomb