#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing About The Rise of Skywalker

spoilers maybe i’m terrible at remembering details and the thing’s like 3 hours long so

------

short summary

Rey’s out and about rootin’ and tootin’ and shootin’ getting Jeddy training from Layer when something happens shit man I really don’t remember very many details from early in the movie okay so like the theatre that I usually go to for big movies I wanna see is a place called Cinebarre where they serve food and booze while you watch movie so like I was kinda buzzed for most of the film

Shit happens, Rey lightsabers stuff, Kylo is an edgelord, a fancy knife is required, Reylo is stupid, the end

------

Rise of Skywalker is more or less what you’d expect from a decently-executed Ster Wer sequel. Nothing about it is terrible by any means, but it does suffer from one very significant issue:

The Last Jedi.

JJ Abrams didn’t make TLJ, and TLJ basically just said “Fuck You” to everything that The Force Awakens set up, so Rise of Skywalker spends quite a lot of its time un-fucking the sequel trilogy after TLJ fucked it, which leads to the film feeling pretty rushed throughout.

Not rushed like Sword and Shield were rushed, more like how Frozen felt rushed; Way too much goddamn stuff happens very quickly and not enough of it gets the time it deserves. Characters pop in, pop out, shit happens VERY quickly and you don’t really have time to think about what just happened, ESPECIALLY if you’re 3 drinks in.

By the end of the movie, stuff just sorta happens for no reason since they don’t have time to establish a reason, BUT it largely involves the weird sorta interaction Jedi have with the dark side (I still don’t know why you automatically become a Sith if you strike down another Sith while they’re telling you to do it. Five minutes later when they’ve stopped telling you to do it is fine, but if you stab ‘em while they want it? Bam, you’re evil. For some reason), which has been explored and explained before, so it’s not too terrible.

The movie’s not perfect, but it’s pretty enjoyable for what it is. You rarely feel like you’re watching a scene that has no purpose (unlike that entire goddamn casino debacle in TLJ), and the actions of each character don’t seem too out of place (except for one lady who just sorta gives the dudes a maguffin for no reason even though it’s explicitly stated that she hates the dudes).

It’s not gonna be the movie you write home about, but, like, it’s pretty good. I ranked it solidly in the middle of the 9 main Star Wars movies

(yeah, I know it’s heresy to not have Empire at #1- I just like A New Hope, okay?)

It’s very much an okay movie. I’ve said that like 6 times now. That said, I give it extra points because it was severely handicapped by having to follow TLJ.

I just... I just really don’t like TLJ, okay? Even the prequels are kinda goofy action-packed bullshit, but TLJ’s just sorta empty. There’s no reason to rewatch it, whereas the prequels are honestly pretty damn good if you manually edit out 98% of the scenes with Anakin and 105% of the scenes with Jar-Jar. And by that, I mean Ewan McGregor was good as Obi-Wan and he’s basically the sole reason why I enjoy the prequels at all. Oh, Ian McDiarmid too. Prequel Palpatine was just dumb fun.

...

Anyway, Rise of Skywalker’s pretty neat. 6.5/10. Kinda fucked up that they try to get brownie points for having LGBT representation when it’s, like, 1.5 seconds of 2 background women having a kiss after the big victory. So fucking token. The tokenest of token representations. Guess it’s easier to edit out for the Chinese cut later amirite feLLAZZZZZZZZZZ

TL;DR: Rise of Skywalker jams too much into a short span of time because it has to pseudo-retcon a bunch of stuff that Rian Johnson fucked up in TLJ, but it’s a reasonably enjoyable Star Wars movie aside from that. Far from the worst. Super goddamn far from the worst holy shit it’s not even close.

TL;DR2: fuck the chinese government

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Naruto Shippuden

look, i was very bored and stressed out during the semester, and this shit had 500 episodes ready to go

spoilers.

short summerie

there’s an orange man who wants to be ninja president

but he sucks

so he determinations himself into not sucking

now, it’s not like he achieves great power through hard work alone. in actuality, he’s actually got basically perfect genes for doing being ninja. he’s also got a magical demon inside him. the definition of a bullshit protagonist, basically.

ninja terrorists kidnap the ninja president from the sand place, then they kidnap a bunch of other people with demons trapped inside them from other places, then they start WW4 with their demon-powered ninja weapon.

all the while, Nyort trains and beats some people periodically and he’s basically an unstoppable force of friendship-powered justice.

Nurt and others beat up people and stuff and end ninja WW4.

Then Norito and Hinata get married, which was basically the entire reason why I started watching in the first place.

The fight scenes are fuckin fantastic. Legitimately.

It takes goddamn forever to get to the fights because they have to put out a certain number of episodes, and they kinda have to save 95% of the budget for the fights, but they’re pretty good when you get to them.

Now, I can’t stand watching Dragonball Z/GT/Super/whatever because the fights are all dragged out way too long, but I don’t get that with this show for some reason. Probably because there’s actual plot progression linked to the fights, whereas DBZ exists solely for the fights and that’s basically it.

I started watching Boruto because I was vaguely familiar with the characters from having seen bits and pieces of the original Naruto on Toonami as a young’n, and literally everyone I’ve talked to has said that Shippuden is like a better version of Boruto, and hot fuck were they actually right about that. Still can’t stand the original Naruto amine, though.

I’d say it’s about an 8/10.

The issue is that, as it turns out, the entire Naruto franchise is laden with scheduling issues. The author doesn’t put out manga as fast as the anime team can put out episodes, so the anime team has to create filler episodes in between official releases. The same sorta thing happened with Fullmetal Alchemist, but in that case, the anime team just sorta went off on their own tangent and the latter half of it was basically just fanfiction. Hence why FMA: Brotherhood was made.

The issue is that the Norte filler very heavily distracts from the plot because it kinda has to. They can’t continue the plot because it’s not written yet.

It’s absolutely catastrophic when you’re watching some big fancy fight during the big fancy ninja war and then fuckin Tobi says some shit about the past and whoops guess what the next 4 episodes are flashbacks.

Overall, Shippuden is about 40% filler. Yeah. Almost half of the episodes. Only 300 of the 500 episodes are actual content.

Same goes for the original Naruto (about 45%) and Boruto (also 40ish%).

Because only 60% of the the show is content, I can only give the show 60% of my intended rating.

4.8/10

What’s there is good, but look up the website that tells you which episodes are filler and skip them when needed. Some of the filler is enjoyable, but most of it isn’t.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

shit, the current anime season is ending.

well, uh

guess i’ll

y’know

A Thing About, uh... How Not to Summon a Demon Lord, I guess

spoilers

short summery get it cuz it was a summer anime and now it’s not summer anymo

It’s an isekai. There’s a guy who’s, like, the most powerful fucker in all the land in this MMO he plays, and he mostly just hangs out in some dungeon killing all the other players who keep trying to take him out.

Then he goes to bed, wakes up, oh shit it’s another world, etc etc.

Fuckin’ isekais, man.

Yes, he’s his character from the video game. Yes, he’s ridiculously overpowered. Yes, the world is the MMO world. sorta. iunno.

Before him (genuinely don’t remember his actual people name) are 2 kawaii-ass girts, who, uh... Summoned him, I guess? Thing is, he’s got thing ring that reflects literally all magic. Got it as a reward for being the first player to defeat some big raid boss. So, the two girls cast enslavement magic on him, figuring he’s a demon or whatever, but that shit gets reflected and now they’re both his slave. Slaves. Iunno.

Thing is- and this is basically the only reason why I kept up with this show- the guy’s completely fuckin’ inept as a person. He can’t talk to people for shit, but he can roleplay as an evil demon lord asshole. So, at the risk of being uncovered as a socially inept fuckula, he be’s all like, “sup bitches y’all thought you could enslave the daemon lorde diablo fuck that noise y’all’re mine now alright now what the fuck’s going on.”

The two girls, a catgirl named Rem i think and an elf girl named Ce-Cel-

Shera, that’s what it was. Shera.

They give him the lowdown on stuff. They all sign up as adventurers, what with Diablo being level 150. The deal with the isekai world is that most people don’t want to fuckin die, so there really aren’t too many people who’re higher than like level 30.

A bunch of people be all like, “dude, fuck this demon lord guy. who the fuck he think he is. shit he just fuckin blasted all my steez into oblivion. well.”

meanwhile, the girls are just sorta like “ay diablo what’s large, round, and rhymes with anime tiddies. surprise, it’s anime tiddies.”

except Rem doesn’t have large anime tiddies. You’ve seen the scene where a girl is all, “oh no i don’t have ooki oppai. this is so sad alexa play renai circulation,” so, like, there’s no point in going over that.

Turns out Rem’s got a fuckin demon lord inside her. No, it’s not the main character. Yet. Her fam has been cursed to carry the demon lord Krebsklumnmmmnmmnm, and she wants to deal with that shit cuz she’s sorta doomed to just die and/or condemn her child to the same fate. rip.

Diablo, being the upstanding gentleman that he is, swears that he’ll use his immense demon lord schlong power to fix this whole demon parasite situation.

Someone from the mages guild gets pissed at Diablo being rude and tries to kill him. He gets his shit pushed in, etc etc.

Note: I don’t actually remember if this is the order things actually happened in. So, y’know.

Some other guy, proclaiming himself to be an ally to all women, vows to free Shera and Rem from Diablo’s enslavement. Naturally, being a man who proclaims himself to be an ally to all women, he doesn’t actually fucking listen when the girls tell him that it’s not a problem and the whole enslavement deal was an accident. He gets his shit pushed in and then they all become friends once he realizes that Diablo is also an ally to all women or some shit i don’t fuggin kn

Shera’s brother shows up- wait no

The mage man that got his shit pushed in starts a demon invasion cuz he’s salty. Diablo blows the demons up. Woo.

Shera’s brother shows up and is all like, “Hey Shera, y’all wanna make an incest baby?” to which Shera be’s all like, “fuckin... no?” so he gets pissed and leaves, vowing that he’ll be back for her.

Like a day later, he’s back for her. He plays a flute and suddenly she’s all, “y’know what onii-chan that incest baby plan sounds pretty solid right about now let’s head back to the elf kingdo-” also btw shera’s the princess of the elf kingdom and her brother is here to retrieve her that’s kind of an important detail “-m.”

Diablo gets PTSD from the ordeal, cuz he’s kinda gotten attached to the girls and shera just sorta swooced on outta there y’know. He soon realizes that the flute is a literal rape whistle and has mind control powers over Shera. Maybe others, but specifically her in this instance.

Also, earlier, they got a mission to stop war with the elf kingdom.

So, Diablo and friend go to save Shera. Shera’s brother’s startin to get all, “ay shera i’m gonna poke you stuff,” and she’s all, “no don’t” in response but he don’t fuckin listen. 

Then Diablo shows up at the elf camp, and Shera brother is all, “hey where’re the guards how’d you get here,” to which Diablo be’s all like, “bitch,” and turns shera brother into a pancake. Not really, because Shera doesn’t want her brother to die, but then her brother summons a hydra to kill Diablo. Diablo kills the hydra, everyone is saved.

Then the royal guard shows up. Turns out, the guy in charge whose name I definitely remember wants war with the elf kingdom for reasons. So, he decapitates Shera brother. Yup.

The royal guard leader is actually pretty friggin’ tough, being almost at Diablo’s level, but Diablo doesn’t suck, so royal guard man gets his shit pushed in and Diablo be’s all like, “Fuckin’ stop. I’m gonna blackmail the shit out of you with the fact that you tried to start a war, so just go back to yer fuckin castle and eat all yer shitty cheese or whatever.”

Then a demon girl shows up and be’s all like “ay, I know how to get that demon outta Rem.” So they, as well as this royal guard girl that they’ve known for a while shit i forgot to mention that earlier all go to a tower. Also I forgot to mention that Diablo learned how to dispel magic by using him magic to find magic and then de-magic it.

Then, some royal guard asshole with mystic eyes of distortion shows up and tries to kill Diablo and friends because he thinks he’s the weapon of god or whatever. He’s fuckin terrible. They push his shit in and move on.

So, they get to the place and also the plan is to flood the demon lord in Rem with magic until it revives, at which point Diablo will kill it. Sound plan. 10/10. Fuck it.

So, Diablo floods Rem with magic. Doesn’t work, so the demon girl is all, “you can flood magic better from within.”

to which Diablo responds, “wait, like, how ‘within’ are we talkin here?”

“you must put ur hand in her girl bits”

“mmm, right”

So, diablo puts his hand in her girl bits and fills her with magic shut up and the demon lord becomes revived. It’s a smol girt. She likes biscuits.

The demon girl what proposed the plan earlier is confused, but, like, the girt is the demon lord, so I guess mission accomplished? Another demon man shows up and is all, “wait shit this ain’t the demon lord she didn’t fully revive I’m gonna kill her and retry.” but then diablo just sorta pushes his shit in and they all go to town and have a nice non-sexual sleep.  One detail of that last sentence was a lie. Guess which one it was. Vote now on your phones.

Boom, the royal guard girl was evil. She hates the mortal races and wants the demon lord to be fully revived so that she’ll destroy them. They’ve named the demon lord girl Krem, btw.

The religious asshole man from earlier kidnaps Rem and Krem with Alicia (royal guard betrayal woman)’s help. Religious asshole man tortures Rem with swords and almost kills her, so Krem explodes with anger and kills the religious asshole man fucking god finally.

Diablo fights Krem. Krem gets her shit pushed in, comes back to her senses, and etc. Everyone lives happily ever after and Alicia doesn’t get killed because even though she tried to initiate genocide, she’s got a real swell rack.

Only men can die.

Anime wasn’t a mistake guys i swea

They try to tell her that she needs to stop being a little shit and let go of her PTSD past or whatever. And then she’s just off somewhere. Yup.

The guild leader doesn’t trust Krem because she’s the demon lord, so Diablo enslaves Krem too so that she’s under his authority which is enough i guess fuck it.

Someone’s going to jail for this.

It’s... Neat, I guess. I wouldn’t call it good, per se, but hot damn if there ain’t some real cathartic shit in this. Diablo is, as a rule, stronger than literally everyone else in the entire world, so it’s just really satisfying watching all these asshole try to fuck with his peeps and then getting their shit pushed in.

Also, the development of the relationships between the characters is oddly well-done. There are a lot of anime that’ll toss some girl at a guy and she’s immediately smearing herself all over him, but that isn’t necessarily the case here. Iunno.

7/10. I enjoyed it a fair amount. It was pretty good filler in between, uh...

Boruto and Chio’s School Road. Shit, I shoulda done Chio’s School R

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Space Patrol Luluco

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

spoilers?

short summarayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy:

it’s the fever dream you had after binge-watching kill la kill and eating nothing but mcdonalds and all you had to drink was tequila

just

just fuckin watch it

it’s basically perfect.

10/10 even.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Oshiete! Galko-chan

what the fuck is a gal

psoilers

smol summary:

There are three girts, the titular character Galko, her friendo Otako, and her other friend Ojou.

If you’re familiar with the japanisms, you may notice that these aren’t actually names. This comes into play later.

One day, Galko is, just, like, doin’ stuff. And a topic comes up. And then the question of the topic is directly or indirectly answered through speech or an event that happens.

That’s, uh...

That’s basically the whole thing.

In like the last episode, it’s revealed that basically no one calls anyone else by their actual names. They have an intricate naming scheme in their class where a character’s nickname is just their main trait with the last character substituted with ‘ko’ for goils, and ‘o’ for boiz. Except for Ojou.

Ojou’s nickname is literally just ‘woman’.

yup.

mmmhmm.

It’s pretty alright.

The topics that come up each episode (and the episodes are like 7 minutes long, so it’s not a very lengthy series) are generally pretty, uh...

How should I put this...

...Realistic? Not necessarily appropriate but not really the worst thing?

One of the episodes centers around whether virgins tend to use pads over tampons. That’s the sorta thing you’re getting into with this. Not really bad or anything, just sorta...

Just sorta life-stuff you don’t consider on a day-to-day basis.

Galko herself is a really gr8 character tho. Being a gal (Which is a fashion trend thing like ganguro now, I guess. It’s news to me.), she is perceived as being, uh...

A slut, basically.

But, throughout the series, she’s shown to be a gentle and caring person, who doesn’t follow the 1-dimensional stereotype that’s applied to the, uh... The... The gals.

why the fuck is it gal i dont’n’t’nt even kno-

ehhhhhhhhhh, 6.5/10.

It was a pleasant thing, but it just sorta feels like watching an anime adaptation of regular life.

Granted, that’s what it’s trying to do, so...

maybe higher than 6.5?

iunno.

don’t think aboot it 2 harde.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

fuckin, uh...

god, what should i do revyu on

lemme see my release schedule here...

welp.

A Thing About How clumsy you are, Miss Ueno.

spoilers

shortish summary maybe it’s not short i don’t fuckin kn

High school children. You’ve never seen an anime about them befo-

How thirsty you are, Miss Ueno is a goddamn awful piece of shit anime about some bullshit high school’s-

shit, is it even high school?

maybe it’s middle school.

i don’t know.

some bullshit [[[REDACTED]]] school’s science club, headed by the titular Miss Ueno. With her in the club is some other girl and some guy named Tanaka.

Ueno wishes very much to be shitty-anime-schoolgirl-style-intimate with Tanaka, and each episode centers around some bullshit science invention she made with the end goal of ““““““accidentally”””””” touching hands or some shi-

The first episode starts off with her trying to get Tanaka to drink her purified pee. It’s been purified, so it’s actually just water at that point, but it’s the idea that she’s trying to get at.

After a couple episodes, a swim-club girl named Kanbaru Suruga Kitanaga shows up and is all “ay ueno could you make a thing that’ll automatically censor me so that boys trying to peek at shit can’t peek at shit?”

and then she makes that thing what i just mentioned. covers nudity with cosmic censorship bullshit.

have i mentioned that these are supposed to be middle school childr-

A couple episodes after that, the fire sisters Tanaka’s sisters show up, accidentally testing out some bullshit candy that attunes itself to the eater’s tastes.

None of these things are plot-relevant or anything. The entire series is a bunch of 5-minute shorts with no conclusions for anything.

more shit happens, Ueno keeps trying to get Tanaka to touch her butt or something i don’t fuckin kno-

It’s bad, and it’s got weirdly sexualized children, but it’s funny. that’s about it.

It’ll take up yer time if you need something to take up time. 5/10.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Yuyushiki

uhhhhhhhhh

spoil

short summmmmmmm:

Yuzuko, Yui, and Yukari (the joke is that their name’s all start with ‘yu’) are 3 regular girts who all just started high school I swear to fucking god who started this goddamn genre I will strangle them with my own hands

They, uh

They join this club, the Data Processing Club, which had no members previously. They just sorta sit in a small computer room and dick around on the internet, which the club-sponsor teacher woman is fine with I gue-

They all do stuff and hang out and stuff.

Yup.

You remember Lucky Star?

Well, imagine that without all the brain hemorrhaging.

This show’s funny as shit. I want more of it. But I won’t have it because the anime industry is fucked and never renews shows unless they’re absurdly popular, in which case they won’t fuCKING STAAAAAAAAHP

(no but seriously detective conan has, like, 3.4 septillion episodes. the fuck, man?)

It really captures the essence of that bullshit humor where you just sorta do stuff as a kid and it’s funny for no particular reason.

Also, everyone’s slightly gay and they don’t ever really go overboard with the fanservicey garbage.

I’m pretty sure there aren’t any upskirt shots in this, actually. Truly, this is the pinnacle of not-filth.

‘s fuckin gr8 8.5/10 pls season 2

I mean, y’know, there’s the manga and shit too. I’d buy it.

I’m gonna do that, actually.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing About Monster Musu- oh boy

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

spoilers

summary or something:

“YOU FUCK SNAKES!“ - JonTron, 2012

Ya ever watch porn?

Ya ever thought, “Man, I just... I just really wish that girl was a centaur. Or had wings. Or some bullshit i dunfugginkno-”

Well, now your dream can be a reality anime, with the advent of everyone’s favorite anime: Monst... Monster Mu-Musume.

The plot follows some assclown whose name I literally never committed to memory as he lives his daily life with a lamia (half girl, half snek for the un-learned) who is just... Just way too thirsty.

but yeah

So, in this world, the government has been hiding the existence of monster girls from everyone because...

And for whatever reason, they create this new law called the Interspecies Integration Law or whatever wherein monster girls are considered second-class citizens and have to be accompanied by a host family.

A provision in the law also forbids humans harming monster girls and vice-versa. You’d think that regular laws would’ve covered that, but this is a dumb anime gimmick so bear with me here.

N-now, right here’s the catch: Fuckin’ the monster girls counts as harming them for reasons which are literally never disclosed. who wrote this loopholey bullshit, the gop? hueueuueeHUUEHUEUEU-

So, protagonisto has to keep rejecting the snek girl’s advances. Shit gets pretty risque tho.

Then episode 2 comes around and a harpy girl shows up. She kidnaps maincharactererererererer and bringses him to the park, where she then takes off all her clothes and gets in the fountain like it’s a bird bath or somethi-

Shit happens.

The agent who’s in charge of the snek and assigned her to protagonistia be’s all like “yeah fuck it she can live with you,” so she does. Snek believes this to be an O.K. dingle, but then she realizes that Birb is actually as old as she is, she just looks young because birb must be smol in order to fly properly.

Then, like

A centaur woman shows up. She’s literally Darkness from Konosuba minus the masochism, and she decides that protagonism is her master now. Snek doesn’t like because more romantic rivals.

Y’see, the joke with the centaur is that she has large breasts, and they get fondled. Yup. Get used to that.

Then a slime shows up and almost kills them many a time. Not a slime girl, just a slime.

But then the slime observes the other girls and- despite presumably lacking gender traits of any kind- decides to be slime girl. The joke is that she learns from the other girls and mostly just rubs her slime tiddies on everything.

Oh, she also rapes the other girls fairly regularly whenever they spill water on themselves because she needs moisture to live.

Literally.

Really.

Tentacle slime rape.

no, it’s great, i really wanted thi-

So, four girls. Enough girls, right? The plot can start now, ri-

Then a mermaid is appearing and the joke with her is that she wants The Little Mermaid but in real life like this is some Smosh video or something, so she wants to be protagonsmemsmmmememmem’s mistress and not full-time waifu so that she can never be truly romantically fulfilled. Either that or he dies. One of the two. Just as long as she has a sad end, that’s her deal.

She rides in a wheelchair because she has a fish butt.

Alright. Five. Five monster girls. The plot can start no-

Then some pigmen hold up a store and the whole scene is just a thing to reveal the existence of the monster girl agent’s secret monster girl hit-squad, consisting of a zambler, an ogre, a shapeshifter, and a cyclops.

The cyclops acts as the sniper and doesn’t use a scope because huuuuuuuuuuge eye. That’s all.

So, like nine girls now. That’s all that we could ever ne-

Then a spider girl shows u-

Actually, hold on, some guy who sells monster girl fetish porn hears that the Birb is laying an egg. She’s not having a kid or anything, just laying an egg. Y’know. Like a normal bird.

They let the guy in to look around and shit despite the fact that he’s obviously not making a documentary.

Then Birb lays egg. There’s too much moaning the entire time and i hate my whole life. ProtonJon punches his whole face when he realizes that he’s a scumbag and destroys his anus. Not really, but that’d be believable at this point, right?

right.

OKAY

THEN.

a spider girl shows up. She was actually living with the perv guy from earlier. The perv guy sold her silk online for the cash moneys, but she got bored because Prooooppororrpppppprpprprpp sounded interesting, so she kidnaps him and bondages him. He protagonists his way out of the situation and she ends up living with the rest of the guy’s monster harem.

The joke with Spiderman is that she bondages people.

Then, at last, the plot begins.

And by plot, I mean the main guy gets a letter saying he’s gonna die if he marries any of the monster girls. The letter was signed D. So the guy goes on dates with the monster girls in an effort to lure this D out.

For like 3 episodes, he goes on the dates and a character with a name starting with D shows up, but it’s never the correct one.

The first one is a dragon girl who wants to lesbians with Snek because why not.

The second one is a dryad who wants to kill because disrespecting the forest or some shit. They defeat her by sucking the nutrients out of her boo-

The third one is a devil girl who just sorta harasses them. They defeat her when the spider girl kidnaps her and bondages her. Mmmhmm.

Then the agent woman and the main charactererereasdmmdgmdmdm go on a date to lure D out, but the other girls don’t realize it so they sorta just follow them and try to find shit out. The joke here is that the slime girl is shapeshifting into the disguises, and they keep spilling water on themselves, so the slime keeps molesting them. Pretty good jokes. Totally. I love everything about this series. No regerts. Yes, regerts. None of ‘em.

The D reveals itself at last.

sorta

A headless body approaches the guy, so he takes the body home and searches for the head since ya gotta.

The joke here is that the spider woman bondages the body, and when they find the head she’s all bondage’d and shit.

It’s a dullahan who claims that the main guy is on the brink of death because he keeps almost dying, so the girls try to protect him and the joke is that they keep almost killing him.

Then the dullahan moves in with them.

Then the show’s over.

.

WHEN THE FUCK WAS THE PLO-

look

guys

guys, really

This was broadcast on TV at one point, but

like

It’s just softcore porn. Straight up. Actually though.

Like, all the naughty bits are covered by convenient mist and rays of light and placed objects, but really, honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the original manga was actually just legitimately porn.

Actually, I’m gonna look it up right now.

...

oh my fucking god it’s not

.

okay

.

4.5/10, I guess. I don’t regret watching it, per se, if only because I’ve never watched anything this egregiously sinful before, but I wouldn’t tell anyone I watched it either.

...

WAIT SHI-

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Engaged to the Unidentified

Now with 60% less sin! (compared to other leading animes)

spoilers

short summa- FUCKING LORD TUMBLR STOP LOADING LAGGY-ASS ADS I’M TRYING TO TYPE GOSH

So, uh.

There’s this girl. She goes to a high schoo- WAIT NO I SWEAR IT’S NOT THA-

Kobeni something goes to some kinda high school with her nee-chan, O...re...ooooooos...

...

Benio. I didn’t have to look that up. I swear.

Her parents (or, her dad, at least) are mostly absent, so it’s up to Kobeni to do the housework and shit.

One day, out of fuckin’ nowhere, an imouto arrives, toting with her a generic-looking male-protagonist type guy and proclaims that the two (Kobeni and said guy) are engaged.

Kobeni is shocked, as she doesn’t remember a goddamn thing of this, but then it’s all clarified when her sister and the imouto reveal that the two knew each other way back when, and that it was Kobeni’s grandfather’s decision to arrange a marriage between the two.

The guy is named Hakuya somerehrhwehhththhththt, and he basically just a social disorder of some kind. He’s really quiet, and isn’t too great with words, but he sure do like him some Kobeni. Mmmmhmmm.

Kobeni, being the imouto to a lesser siscon (her older sister) is just sorta submissive about the whole thing and sorta accepts it.

The younger sister and older brother duo then move in with them and start attending school, much to the chagrin of Benio, who is an overcontrolling byatch and doesn’t want to give up her sister.

I have personal experience with someone of this sort, so I might be overreacting. But still. Fuck that.

So, they do the things and go to school. Kobeni tries to keep the whole engagement thing a secret because high school. The little sister, Mashiro, also transfers to their high school somehow. More on that later.

It’s more or less a slice of life, with Kobeni and Hakuya becoming gradually closer, despite Hakuya’s constant lack of visible emotion, until ONE DAY-

actually, scratch that, cuz like a while ago, Kobeni fell off a cliff and Hakuya saved her when she was over visiting since their families knew each other. But Kobeni didn’t remember that, so she feels a sad or some shit.

BUT THEN REALLY UNTIL ONE DAY NOW-

Hakuya and Mashiro’s mother comes to visit (she looks like she’s 14 somehow) and she sorta lets slip that they’re all actually magical mountain people or some shit. They never elaborate on exactly what they are, but they’re diffrnt. They can jump and move fast and also they can turn into wolves or some shit. When Kobeni went to visit them before falling off the aforementioned cliff, she recalled meeting some kinda dog. The dog was actually Hakuya in his magical mountain man beast form.

After falling off the cliff initially, Kobeni was actually straight up dead, but Hakuya gave her half of his life force and revived her. He has held regret that he wasn’t fast enough to save her beforehand since.

so, yeah.

More slice of life garbage, turns out another girl from the school is also a magical mountain person, so she proposes to Hakuya since her mum dun went and told her to snatch up any male magical mountain men since they’re hard to find, but then Kobeni does a collapse and there’s some misunderstanding and yeah it’s really just awkward honestl-

But then Hakuya and Mashiro vanish and return home, which makes Kobeni a sad since it turns out she’s actually kinda into this Hakuya guy after the Valentine’s day and shit, so she goes to visit the mountains BUT it’s been almost a decade since she went there, so she gets lost in the snowy mountains and collapses.

Hakuya and Mashiro were actually just there to pick fresh mountain vegetables since it was springtime but, y’know, Hakuya social disorder, so he doesn’t really phrase the email he sent her very well at all. Also, mountain, so no reception. Yeah.

Hakuya manages to hear her calling out, so they all go to find Kobeni. They do, but a blizzard approaches, so they hide out in a cave when Kobeni has a bout of fatigue since she has like half a life force from the accident. Hakuya goes out to get help, since he’s a magical mountain man and can withstand the cold, and Mashiro later goes out to get wood for the fire they’d started.

Being delirious, Kobeni then does a dumb and goes out into the cold to find the two. She gets lost.

At some point, the mountain peoples reunite, and find that Kobeni is a gone, so they form a big ol’ search party.

Kobeni makes her way up to a cliff, falls off the cliff, and Hakuya uses his magical mountain man speed to catch her mid-fall despite probably being half a mile away. And then they fu- And then they go to the house and a helicopter shows up because her sister yes I.

Presumably they get married later iunno.

It’s pretty good. Nice, wholesome goddamn anime rom-com filth.

Like I said, Benio’s just the fucking worst though. I knew a girl in elementary school who I was friends with. For whatever reason, even though we’d been just friends for, like, forever, her sister constantly did the same goddamn shit that Benio did and didn’t like us hanging out. I have never felt more annoyed with another human being than I did with her, so this character archetype, even if it’s supposed to be a little joke or whatever, is permanently ruined for me.

but that’s unrelated to the anim as a whole

is pretty good

would give like 7.3/10

It’s familiar enough that you can settle in quick, but it changes things up enough that it isn’t boring in the slightest. Also, the OP and ED are audio crack.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Sakura Trick

okay

spoilers or something i don’t’n’t even know

Short Summarisms:

Slightly less short summarisms:

These two high school girls feel like their friendship is gonna get drowned out in the swamp that is high school, so they totally start making out like all the time because that’s what real girls do.

i mean

uhhhhhhhh

it’s alright.

You wouldn’t expect the premise of ‘Two high school friends start kissing during literally every opportunity they have’ to be as not-terrible as this is, but lemme tell ya.

it, uh...

It sure is. Yup.

If you don’t mind anime girls yuri-ing the SHIT out of each other, then you probably won’t be disappointed with this.

I, for one, strongly identify with the red-haired one, as I too am a clingy little shit with separation anxiety. Tha-That’s probably why I didn’t hate this, actually.

like 5.5/10. I somehow don’t regret watching this one.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Love, Chunibyo, and Other Delusions

yes, I’m filling the empty void of stress with anime.

don’t judge

spoil

short smermerer:

Yuta Togashi is your regular high school otok- NO DON’T LEAVE PLEA-

-your regular high school otoko no ko who decided to go to an high school waaaaaay far away from his middle school because he was a cringey little shit and went around declaring himself the mysterious Dark Flame Master.

Like every reasonable person, he decided to lock away his middle school cringe and start life anew, BUT alas, a fellow cringelord hath appeared in his class or whatever.

Yonder cringelord was actually yonder cringelady, an cule girt by the name of Rikka Takanasi. She wears an eyepatch covering her right eye, which she wears a golden contact lens in. She declares herself the something whatever lord Shingan or Jingan i don’t remember

Yuta does a cringe, as is the appropriate reaction, and tries to ignore, but Rikka confronts him and be’s all like, “ayy bietch, i no u is da Dark Flame Master,” to which Yuta is all like “fuk”.

Rikka ends up coercing him into making a club with her- the Far Eastern Magical Society. Whilst recruiting bitches, they happen upon a fair maiden by the name of somethingwhatever Kumin. She’s tired as shit all the time and wants to form a napping club, but no one fuckinG CARES and so they join forces to form the Far Eastern Magical Society and Napping whatever.

They get a few more people, including popular bietch something Nibutani, who basically hates all of them but is secretly the best waifu. She too was a cringelord in middle school and left to dispose of her cringe past.

The anim is basically just Yuta trying to convince Rikka to stop being a cringelord, but that doesn’t happen, and then they totally fall in daisuki and shit because why not, but then it’s a sad later.

this is basically Haruhi if Haruhi did a 180 and touched dix with Konosuba.

actually now that i think about it yuta does kinda look exactly like kazum-

Is good, actually. Quite good. Once you get past the cringe, you find a surprisingly complex set of characters which are all really well developed and play off each other nicely, especially Nibutani who is just the best.

Nibutani is real good cuz she used to have a fairly large-ish online following as the Spirit Wizzzzzard Morisummer, but now she doesn’t want to do that but everyone just wants her to be Morisummer even though she doesn’t want to like c’mon guys let me play games other than fudcksigng spore for onc- wait shit i mean wh-

8/10. Seems trashy at first, but gets real good as you get further. I’m also a sucker for trite romance, so there’s that too.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Hitoribocchi

anime is bad

shit they got rid of my horizontal divider i’m still sad about that and my dog is rolling around on the carpet why are you doing that bubbles there isn’t anything on the ca

spoilers

-----------------------

short summary bubbles stop that’s plastic don’t eat that:

bubbles just climbed behind me, so she’s currently laying down in the crevice between my back and the office chair I’m sitting in.

Hitoribocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu (or just Hitoribocchi, cuz fuck words) is a slice of life romantic comedy starring Hitori Bocchi (or Bocchi Hitori to us western scum), a girl with literally zero social skills who has just graduated elementary school and is going onto middle scho- NO STOP IT’S NOT JUST A SHITTY SCHOOL SHOW I SW-

Bocchi’s friend, fuckin...

Kai, that’s her name.

Bocchi’s friend Kai-chan notes that Bocchi has no goddamn social skills, and the two of them are forced to go to different middle schools because of zoning or something. Because of all this, Kai-chan be’s all like, “ay bowchi ya gotta make friends at ur new school i’m not gonna talk to you ever until you make be friends with everyoe in ur clas” which makes boccccchi a sad.

so bocchi gotta make friends with everyone in th class

she starts with the girt in front of her, Nako somethingorother. After a cringetastic first episode, she manages to cringe Nako into recognizing that Bocchi is hopeless and needs friends, so Nako decides to be friend with the Bowch.

Bocchi then makes friends with the class vice president Aru Honshou- the best one- who is described as being terribly unfortunate. She just sorta fucks everything up a little bit.

she does a song

also she friends a foreign girl who is convinced that Bocchi is a ninjer, accepting Sotoka (is her name) as her ninjitsu apprentice I guess.

there’s an episode where Bocchi is sick and can’t go to school. being a nervous goddamn wreck, she assumes that everyone will forget about her and starts texting them shit like 

“please don’t forget me” “it’s me, your friend. hitori bocchi“ “nice to meat you, my name is hitori bocchi. dozo yoroshekoo.“

and bocchi wears a bear suit at one point.

this is a really shitty summa-

-------------------------------------------

first episode’s cringe AF, but ya gotta

ya gotta

ya just-

ya gotta

best fuckin show of the season right here

8.5/10 i guess i dunno man ratings are stupid

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about The Disappearance of Yuki Nagato

or, The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan if you’re a lost cause

im gonna spoil everything so

Short Suuuuuuuuuuuus:

‘Member Haruhi?

Ya ever think to yerself...

“What if Nagato was girl instead of Hooruhu?”

wel nao u can fiend out

So, first things first,

Watch the first 6 seconds of this OP:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwhfOI575Sc

Fuckin do it.

Middle-clicking opens a new tab, or you can right-click and select open in new tab.

...

You done?

Did you see it?

That’s right.

Scientists have engineered the single most perfect anime girl of all time.

Upon viewing those first 6 seconds, you have a brain hemorrhage and your heart explodes within your body.

Human life cannot handle kawaii of this sheer scale.

Especially with the context you get for Yuki’s character from regular Haruhi show, seeing... That is simultaneously shocking and heart-wrenching.

But enough about an animated school girl cocking her head slightly with a small smiHNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG-

The Disapppeaprnannrncne of Yuku Nugutu stars basically the entire cast from Haruhi, but it’s like a Marvel alternate timeline where Yuki isn’t a robit and runs the literature club with her best tomodachi, Ryoko Asakura.

A while back, Kyon (still the main boy character) encountered Nagato trying to get a book from the library. Yuki is a very shy girt and didn’t know what the feck she was doign, so Kyon went over and be’s all like “ay girl lemme help u get a library card.” This touched Yuki on a personal level, and she fell in suki with Kyon a while later when she ran into him at school and he went and joined up that good literature club.

The literature club was short on members, and was on the verge of cancellation because of it, so Nagato went around trying to recruit peeps, which is hard when you is shy girt and cannot talk well to the peoples. Asakura, being her best friend, joined at her request, and Kyon ran into her and joined then.

The entire show consists of your standard high school anime shenanigans wherein Asakura tries her best to egg Yuki on to telling Kyon that she aishiteirus him, but Yuki is a shy and doesn’t do very well at it and it’s just so goddamn adorable you physically cannot handle it.

And then Haruhi pops into existence again. She actually goes to a different high school, so she just sorta comes to the club after school to do regular Haruhi things. Also, she don’t cut her hair short. Also, she isn’t literally god. Sorta.

After a bit, she finds Asahina and brings her into the club, and also brings along Koizumi from her school (who is in suki with Haruhi btw but that never goes anywhere so)

So, the entire main Haruhi cast is reunited in this alternate universe where Nagato is just a regular shy girt. Also Asakura is there. She wasn’t there in the normal one.

There’s some drama and stuff, and there are a few cute moments where Yuki tries to confess to Kyon but it just doesn’t really work out in the end, UNTIL

nagato done goes and almost gets hit by an AE86.

it’s not really, but it sure does look like one, don’t it? 

This sends Nagato into a PTSD where she literally locks her personality away and becomes, more or less, her robotic self from regular Haruhi.

Asakura quickly realizes she’s fucked up and asks her, finding out that the new Yuki is sorta a different person, though she has all of her old memories. She just doesn’t feel like they’re her own memories.

Kyon is also told and also the others, and they want Yuki to return to her old kawaii af self, but they don’t want to deny the new Yuki, since she’s her own person and wanting the old one back at the expense of the new one would be like wanting her to die or something iunno.

They do some stuff with the new Yuki, like Kyon goes to the library with her multiple times, and new Yuki slowly falls in daisuki with Kyon jus liek th old one. New Yuki begins to feel like this is because the old Yuki is re-emerging as her brain organizes everything correctly, and vows to confess her feelings to Kyon before she fades into obscurity and the old Yuki comes back.

So, she calls Kyon one night and says she’s probably gonna be gone when she wakes up next before telling him that she loves him. still pretty cute despite robit

Kyon rushes over to her on his bike but doesn’t make it in time, as he finds her asleep on a bench. He wakes her up, only for the old Nagato to be in control, in quite a bit of shock since her last memories were from days (or weeks iunno) ago.

Kyon gets a phone call from Haruhi after summer started and shit saying that they gotta do a bunch of summer shit, sorta like regular Haruhi show.

Kyon spends many a day during the summer vacation not sure how to deal with Yuki now, since he somehow doesn’t know that old Yuki also daisukis him. They go around doing fun shit with Haruhi and others until they go to one of them there Yukata-wearin-type festivals, where Kyon does a weird and sorta says that he likes her but not the old her just sorta like the new her maybe I don’t know but like he’ll treat old Yuki the same and nothing really gets confirmed between the two but whatever y’know man fuck it.

And then in the prologue, Kyon gets a phone call from Haruhi saying that they gotta do a bunch of summer shit, sorta like regular Haruhi sho-WAIT FUCK NO NOT AGAI-

I ship it so goddamn hard I’m permanently banned from all UPS locations.

Nagato in this shit is literally the best.

fucking

FUCKING

FUCKIN GODFODJFJJ

9.9/10 nagato is my new waifu

i’d sit through endless eight again if it was in this show’s timeline.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Dragon Ball Super

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

spoiling approaches

short summary:

it’s dragon ball z but better.

With the exception of the early parts, which are just re-doingses of the most recent movies, this iteration of Dragon Ball mostly fixes the huge issue that I have with the series:

Fights that last ten fucking episodes.

The slice of life parts are goddamn gr8/8 (vacation time vegeta yes), and I really like the new god characters they’re adding.

Like I said, the only thing that really stopped me from enjoying Dragon Ball Z was the goddamn insanely drawn-out fights, and this series has a lot less of that. Even for the fights that are drawn-out, there’s a lot more variety than just “hoolY SHIT I HAVE 17 MORE FORMS!!!1!!” Especially for the Goku Black arc, which is just all over the place.

The original Dragon Ball is still better (I prefer more atomic fights and slice of life character development stuff don’t hate me), but this is definitely a step-up from Z, and like 40,000 steps up from GT.

beerus is best pony.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Goblin Slayer

borp

short summary:

man, I don’t fuckin-

a lot of people are freaking out because there’s a rape scene, but, like...

...it’s anime? It’s not like it’s endorsing rape or anything.

girl gets raped by goblins, so the doomslayer goblin slayer Rip & Tears literally all of them. I fail to see where the problem is.

I give it Doom2016/10. There’s 1 fuckin episode. Simulcasts on Saturdays, only on the Cronch.

stay tuned for the Fate/Grand Order / Doom 2016 collab event where you can summon the Grand Berserker himself.

#Alex's Anim Revyu's

[lordmongoose]

A Thing about Pop Team Epic

obama

spoierlrs

Spoilers, technically, but, like, is there really anything to spoil...?

this show’s fuckin perfect

11/10

watch it

do it

believe in it

live it

#Alex's Anim Revyu's