#And after so many years of perfectionism and hating my creations I have finally learnt to like them so I'm definitely not gonna stop now.

[mcrmadness]

I know I have been awake for almost 24 hours, and we're again having almost +30C temperatures here and all this is affecting my mood and everything, but holy shit that I feel just so shit.

Mainly about myself and the things I create. Because I really like it how far I have come and I love doing what I do, but I just feel so lonely when I feel that none of that is enough. I always draw or write or edit the wrong things. No one cares about my fanfictions because I write fluff instead of smut (I hate smut, can't even read it anymore, it's so gross). My humour is not funny but rather weird. My comics are stupid. My photorealism drawings are not perfect enough. My videos have either too narrow topics, or just plain stupid and weird humour. Like, I'm proud of my comics, the ideas in those and in my videos make me laugh. With other art projects and also with video editing and gif making I'm constantly learning new tricks and I really love the feeling of making progress.

It's just extremely tiring when others don't see that because social media has created that standard everyone has to fit in in order to be taken seriously or noticed. And you get compared to other "content creators" even if people don't notice doing that. For example, I put so much time and effort in my videos, but I guess they are not interesting enough because they are not 10 seconds long screen-recorded clips from interviews posted on Instagram, nor are they edited with some professional level methods to look like something from a movie. I am still learning and honestly, I never want to be perfect in anything anymore. Reaching the top level means no challenges = boring af.

And don't even get me started about original content. Everything above is about FANART OR FANFICTION. If I post my original art, that gets ignored almost without an exception.

I just feel like I'm doing everything wrong despite me doing what people always are told: be yourself and do what you love. I am! But why do I still feel so lonely and invisible and extremely underappreciated and like I should change when I don't want to?

#mcrmadness' art talk #mcrmadness' deep thoughts #24-hours-awake rsd moments hoorayyy... #i swear I need to isolate from everywhere again soon and stop posting my art or videos #and just keep them to myself and enjoy them alone since I seem to be the only one enjoying them. #Sounds so fucking selfish but I don't care. It's my art so I get to do whatever I want it with. #And after so many years of perfectionism and hating my creations I have finally learnt to like them so I'm definitely not gonna stop now.