#Dean isn't even a villain or a serial killer or whatever he's just some dude. just some guy in a jacket.

[frecklystars]

GOD!!!!! 😭😭💓💗💖💓💓💞💞💕💟💝💘💝💝💞💗💘💝💟💓💗💞💕💟💝💘💓💖💓💕💕

#I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE MAKES ME SO SO SO HAPPY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 #love notes #💕♬♪ ♡ I fall more in love with you every day (Blue) Valentine - ̗̀💙💌🍦 ̖́- #love that every Ryan character has just become another bf to make me feel safe and loved #I have come so far from where I was one year ago #i love that i can self ship with this guy and im like YES he loves me he protects me he would never hurt me #its hard to feel that way 24/7 but i feel that way at least half of the time now #and thats all that matters is that im getting better even if its fluctuating and messy. i AM getting better #because i know one year ago today i would not have been able to self ship with any characters whatsoever #Dean isn't even a villain or a serial killer or whatever he's just some dude. just some guy in a jacket. #but back then i just could not for the life of me feel safe with anyone bc the abuse was so fresh #and just. thank god i am at a point where i can ship with some characters now. even when it's so goddamn HARD #its at least HAPPENING. y'know. like. i am healing even if it's so fucking SLOW going #the fact that i can look at this 5 second scene and feel a burst of love in my heart #and think to myself 'yeah yeah he loves me so much he'd hold me through my nightmares too' #that's. huge. compared to a year ago where i just. could not. #it hasn't even been a year since i cut my abuser from my life yet and im already making little progress #even if it's. so. minuscule. there is progress happening just bc of the passing of time #and the fact that Barbie came into my life exactly when it was supposed to and Ryan's been in all these movies i can focus on #it all worked out like the stars were aligned perfectly for me to meet these F/Os and for them to heal me #i don't think that's coincidence or accident or anything. i think that's some... universal or spiritual thing #like something out there is looking out for me even if it's just the galaxy itself #these characters were meant for me and i was planned to meet them and for them to heal me #slowly one day at a time. ANYWAY. WAHHH. HUGGING AND KISSING DEAN PEREIRA MY SILLY BOYFRIEND