#HAAATE that dream. i don't want him to be my dad

[boxwinebaddie]

Is Chef alive? Like please tell me that man is still out there living his best life.

chef is...Alive.

but i wouldn't say he's living his best life, no.

( sigh...tw for sexual assault, coercion and violence )

so basically, when stan figured out that e.t. tenorman was cartman, which, an anon asked if if stan knows e is cartman...yes, he does.

and all too well.

his music savant boy synesthesia went crazy when cartman started talking the first time they reunited and he couldn't place why this man he'd never met before sounded oddly familliar and why...

his voice sounded like the worst sound in the world.

but he didn't need to wait long for his answer, because right before their first big band meeting ended and all the music/marketing execs, scott, jimmy and kenny left the room, cartman caught stan by his shirt front, yanked him violently towards him and whispered...

"hello, shannon." ;)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCK YOU!!!!

so basically cartman is black-mailing ravenstan into being complaint and doing whatever he wants and honestly, more than telling people that raven is stan...e knows that stan doesn't care about himself, he doesn't care about getting hurt/what happens to him...but that the way to hurt him...

is by hurting other people.

specifically the people he cares about.

so when ravenstan tries to back out of the band bc fuck this, who cares if it's his dream, it's not worth this...it's fucking not.

so stan is like "what. do. you. want."

and cartman is like..."what i've always wanted, of course..."

"your compliance, your undying devotion..."

"your body."

AAAAAAAAAAAA I HATE YOU I HAAATE YOU

i want to Scream, oh my GOOOOD!!!!! FUCK YOU

and then he's basically like "here's the deal, sh@n..."

( he misgenders stan a lot by the way...please die )

"either you give me what i want, whatever i want, whenever i want or else everyone around you, all the stupid, silly little people you love...will suffer for your spite and disobedience. is that clear?"

and stan just rolls his eyes like "fuck you, cartman. you're all talk; that's all you've ever been. all bark no bite, you fucking purse perro."

and cartman is like..."oh?" takes his phone out, dials a number & says

"do it."

and about ten minutes later, kenny calls him and is like

"stan??? S-STAN??? ARE YOU THERE???"

"DAD HAS BEEN SHOT."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUFKC

and stan is crying and screaming like "oh my god, oh my god, fuckfuckfuck!!!!! is-is he okay...ken, is he--is he--"

glaring at cartman, ready to lunge, shocked, horrified...

Disgusted.

and ken replies "no...no he's...he's alive. it was just his shoulder, but, oh my god, stan--holy FUCK. we have--we have to go see him, stan!!"

and stan wants to tell them it's this PINCHE PENDEJO CARTMAN who terrorized him his whole childhood, but cartman just shakes his head and mouthes 'no' then lifts his finger to say 'shh' and then takes that same finger and runs it across his throat as if to say...

'talk and i'll kill him.'

so stan's face crumples bc he's Helpless and he has no choice, so he just chokes back a sob and is like 'no, we can't. we have this record deal. we have to sign the contract tomorrow. it's—it’s important."

and kenny is aghast like "mORE IMPORTANT THAN DAD ALMOST DYING??? STAN!!! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING, FUCK THAT WE HAVE TO SEE DAD, WE HAVE TO--"

and stan just goes "We’re. Not. Going." and hangs up.

cartman snickers and smirks and stan's face's so mad and sad. he wants to scream like this is so fkn horrible this is his worst nightmare

...then chef calls him.

dad.

the only dad he's ever known.

and cartman just smiles and goes

"tell him you hate him and you never want to see him again."

and stan is shaking his head, he's practically pleading, shouting

"nonoNONONO!!! anything. pl-please don't make me do this, p-ple--"

but cartman simply commands

"or else."

so chef on the phone is like "h-hey, blue. look, i'm okay, i'm okay. don't cry, i know how you are kid. i'm gonna be alright, it's gonna take more than some dumb bullet to put your old man in the ground. the whole thing was so odd...? they think it was...a stray bullet. crossfire. gang stuff. you know how it is out here. but it just 'minded me of how short life can be, how fast things can go. so don't worry. and i know...i know i was cross with you and ken for leaving. i know i said it was a useless dream and you two would come home all heartbroken with your tails between your legs...but you're making a real name for yourself! well, a fake one, i suppose, hah. but i just wanted to say...that i'm real proud of you, kiddo. and i--i miss you.

i love you, stanley."

and stan's just listening, crying wordlessly, clutching his phone so hard that his knuckles go white and all he wants to do is tell his dad he loves him and he's sorry, he's so fucking sorry, this is all his fault, this is all his fucking fault like always, for dreaming to big and being oblivious and a fuck up and getting everyone wrapped up in his mess

but he can't...so in a deadpan with his eyes shut, all he says is

"i hate you."

and chef's like "haha, real funny, stan. but if you're tryna hurt my heart to distract me from my shoulde--"

and stan just interrupts him in the same terse, robotic voice.

choking back sobs and screams, shaking so hard he can't see.

"listen to me. i never...i never want to speak to you again. ken...ken feels the same. don't call me. or them. don't call here ever again. ever. don't try and reach out, don't look for us. things are different now."

and chef is so confused and sad and scared like he literally just got shot and somehow this is worse...this is so much work. so with his heart breaking in his voice, he says...

"is that...is that really want you want, son?"

and stan just goes...

"it's..."

and he can barely say it, holy fuck. but he does and it's

"what i want."

but that's not all.

oh, no, my friends.

because it's time for the big finish.

the stan finale.

ravenstan grits his teeth, tears and blood in his mouth, then says

"and i'm not your son.

you're not...

...you're not my real dad.

never have, never will be.

goodbye."

and clicks off and FUCK. it's not true, it's all a fucking lie. but he needed to say something that hurt so badly that his dad wouldn't call him again...something so excruciating that it would end it all.

and cartman just gives him a round of applause while stan is sneering and seething and sobbing because he just had to do the second worst thing he's ever done in his life and cartman is...

clapping and cheering.

it's sick.

and cartman's like "bravo. that was quite the performance, marsh. you're quite the little actress, aren't you?"

AAAAAAAAAAAA I'M SO MAD!!! DIEDIEDIIIIE

this is all part of a very horrible flashback chapter way in the future and i will say that it ends...with cartman telling him to do something, the awful sound of his belt unbuckling...

and stan's knees hitting the floor.

I'M SICK!!!!! AAAA!!! and it's so horrible because it's his whole life, it's his dad all over again ( yes, i'm disgusted ) and him threatening to punish shelley and sharon if he doesn't comply, it's all the horrible men at ruffians, their horrible, hungry hands and mouths and stares all over him so he could sing on fridays. and now it's being indebted to cartman, being trapped again, forced to do disgusting shit. Again.

one bird cage to the next...who cares if it's golden, right?

but yeah, the boys get signed, everyone is super excited and stan's like yay...yippee...this is so fun. kenny, ofc, thinks that chef just cut ties, decided he doesn't support their dreams and that's that. also the other boys slowly get coerced by cartman in different ways...i will say that kenny is super addicted to coke and cartman is basically using that to control them and keep them disillusioned and devoted.

one last thing is that during marj's party in the cd manwhorsion during my second favorite chapter, cartman is talking to kyle and the blondies haus and is like 'i see you've met my songbird...pretty isn't she? well trained too. sings whenever i ask, isn't that right, raven?'

and idk his hand is like halfway up raven's shirt and raven is just laughing and nodding looking so ready to die, downing his drink.

and once he gets away, raven is bolting for the door and kyle's super concerned like 'hey...are you okay? that guy...i don't like the way that guy was talking to you." super protective crush mode jersey activate.

and stan's just like "don't, kyle. it's fine. i-i'm fine...."

and kyle is like "you don't--you don't look fine, raven...you look..."

and stan, who never raises his voice is like

"I SAID LEAVE. IT. ALONE. JERSEY.”

and storms out.....aaaaaaaaaa fuck we're in hell.

anyways! cheers! mazel! enjoy your horrible, deplorable, hurt no comfort lore that makes me want to literally Krill Myself.

-uncle nina, who is going to murder rm!cartman w/ my bare hands

#okay please don't read this post if you are at all uncomfortable with the tw topics or dark themes in general #unfortunately rm is not pep and while pep is dark...this fanfic is very fucked up v bad things happen to it and to the ppl we luv #god the way stan just continues to be trapped in horrible situations that make him sick and has no agency and is a marinette #i hate everything so bad he is just literally doomed i love him so much he sacrifices so much for everyone around him #my sweet sweet lovely kind angel boy #you don't deserve any of this i'm so sorry my love #oh my god i'm so fucking sad why am i like this #i couldn't just write a NICE fanfiction like man COME ON #oh i just know when kyle finds out its so over #like he is going to beat him bloody #everyone who has ever laid a hand on stanley marsh is going to lose it and then their life #not the kyle when he’s vulnerable and shaken but the jersey when he’s trying to push him away #I HATE IT HERE I LOVE U STAN I LOVE U BABY