#I'M JUST VERY BOTHERED BY FACTUAL INACCURACY | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-empress-of-snark · 4 years

Text

First, I would like to publicly make an apology to JD, the mod from Tomione Finds who initially reached out to me. I was already a bit agitated, and ended up misreading what she was trying to say to me and reacting impulsively instead of processing tthings calmly.

It was genuinely not my intention for her to be hurt in this situation, but she was and for that I am very sorry.

So, my initial reaction to kyoki's post was not to bother dignifying such obvious hyperbole with a response.

Like, seriously, painting me as Fandom Satan so you can pin your flounce from fandom on me is just so wildly attention seeking it borders on the absurd.

Your post was deliberately inflammatory, completely fabricated and designed solely to smear me, and your criticism that I've never provided evidence was inaccurate as well as ironic, given that you...don't.

That shit is exactly the kind of behavior I've been talking about.

I then realized that staying silent isn't the answer.

There are folks who might also be experiencing bullying in our fandom community, but feel uncertain if it qualifies as such or is more a personal conflict. Or maybe they're scared to speak up or come forward out of fear of retaliation - such as being smeared as toxic or untruthful like I was.

Here's the thing. Your feelings are all valid.

You know what you're experiencing, I know what I've experienced, and no amount of shouting down and being called a liar will ever change that.

I'm also just going to point out that while my old blog was active, I talked about my experiences with bullying extensively, on more than one occasion.

If I was going to be called out as a liar and a shit stirrer, that was literally a golden opportunity to do so. But the reason why that didn't happen at the time - a culture of silence that reinforces unequal power dynamics - is part of what I've been talking about.

The thing about bullying is that it isn't necessarily someone walking up to you and punching you in the face. More frequently, it's subtle, low key, and perpetrated in a way that makes you doubt yourself.

Here are a few examples of my experiences.

As if I have to state the obvious, reblogging someone's art with shitty tags in order to make fun of it is bullying.

Also, I had never interacted with this person.

Next, I only ever shared this privately with a couple people. It was nice of this person, who I'd been on friendly terms with, to let me know what they really thought of me and my writing. (Edit 7/21/21: I'm not gonna shield the identity of assholes any more)

That's some epic level passive aggressiveness right there.

And then just before I deleted,

There is a factual inaccuracy here. I did not ever regularly post in the tag, let alone posts regarding my experiences.

And then there is this:

This was created in June 2018 for members of the Tomione discord, but the history behind it goes back to January 2015. The term and its use was a significant part of my falling out with Nerys and Serpentinred, with the latter deeming it as a 'demeaning slur.'

Which isn't...exactly what I said in our last email exchange.

I worded this clumsily, I admit, but I was trying to describe how I felt - using I statements. I did not ever once use the term as a pejorative against her, and she's free to bring forth any evidence that I did.

At that point though, it didn't matter, though I apologized to both of them in subsequent emails. They were angry, and immediately severed any relationship I had with them, which was their right to do.

So, a few years later, these same people suddenly appeared in the Discord using these Inner Circle icons, and offering them up for members of the chat to use. In a variety of colors. No one there had any idea that this was, in reality, a very pointed slight directed at me.

There's really no way to explain this away as an innocent effort to make something fun for the chat, or as a joke, given the repeated assertion that the term was a slur.

Somewhere along the line, their feelings toward the term must have changed, because both of them used the icon.

And no, there's been no "owning up" to this. Taking responsibility for your actions involves actually addressing shit with the person you harmed, and not minimizing the effect this had on me as “whining about a button”.

I have now provided evidence to support my statements regarding my experiences with bullying in fandom. I did not at this time include less easily categorized vague posts made where I wasn't specifically named, but if I read it, it would be clear that I was the person being referred to. These were posts where I was accused of using slurs, or impersonating an artist in order to harass someone.

These posts are still damaging, though, in the sense that they're deliberate misrepresentations designed to create social/fandom harm to the people being talked about, and are examples of covert bullying/relational aggression.

Which brings me to an observation I'd like to make regarding the angry, almost aggressive disparagement of myself and others speaking, even privately, about our experiences as 'spreading garbage behind our backs'.

It's hypocritical. It's a double standard, given multiple posts that have been made about me, and honestly, it's concerning that someone could possibly expect to exert that much control over what people say about them, even privately.

For example, if you and your friends want to chat about how much of an asshole you think I am, and how much you hate me, that's entirely your prerogative, and I have no control over that. You're perfectly free to express your opinion of me on your blog. The reverse holds true as well. Once you start making false accusations, though, it's a different story.

Lastly, I guess if there is anything I would like to see come from this, it would be for folks not to feel hesitant or uncomfortable about either speaking out about their own experiences, or openly being supportive of other people without fear of retaliation. Because after the actual incidents, the sense of isolation was about the worst.

Ultimately, this isn't about being liked or having conflicts due to differences in opinion. This is about actively engaging in behaviors, or encouraging others to engage in behaviors to purposefully cause harm. It's about isolating and marginalizing people you don't like and stripping them of support within the community.

It's unacceptable.

#tomione #tomione fandom #fandom bullying #toxic fandom

17 notes · View notes