#I'm pretty safe bc I'm mostly able to just. Eat and break the spiral but it's still somewhat concerning

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Restaurant food is either too expensive or viscerally uncomfortable to imagine eating or both but I'm still nervous about eating off dishes at home because of the dishwasher and unrelated I think I'm developing actual eating disorder mindset things

#ED ment #I say actually bc a while ago I got very anxious I would Accidentally develop and ED which. Not really how that works I believe #Mostly it was me worried my lack of appetite (which probably was a problem) and green tea consumption (I only bring this up bc it was the #Specific trigger bc someone mentioned it suppressed appetite) I was gonna end up ruining my body thru malnutrition or something #Aaand now (I'm going to talk Abt actual eating disorder mindset stuff) #/////////////////// #I'm genuinely thinking a bunch Abt the fact it feels good and makes me feel in control to not eat. I don't have body issues I believe so #It's about the mental pleasure of restriction and what feels like self control (not really imo) and also literally I ended up thinking like #''oh I can avoid eating and then Eat A Lot Of Calories and that's fine and normal and healthy ish'' and no. No I don't think that is #I'm pretty safe bc I'm mostly able to just. Eat and break the spiral but it's still somewhat concerning #And then even when I want to eat all food sounds disgusting and nauseating and nasty and bad and I feel like I'm going to throw up if I #Think about eating. And i can't trust the dishwasher