#I've been in a discord chat with these people for nearly half a year and i haven't yet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lianailia · 8 months

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Oh let's see. What has happened. A lot. Lol I'm still dealing with pain. I'm hopefully getting an mri this week to see what's going on, since botox did not help again. Something else is going on. Hoping it's this week because next week I have jury duty! Fun! I hadn't been called in 20 years so I guess it was my time. But Mon I won't have to go in because it's a holiday. I also went today to drop off a form for video hearing about my disability. I wanted in person but she said it would be next year. So I went nope, let's do video. So I'm hoping it's soon and I can get it by the end of the year! I'm so happy. It's been a year and a half since I started, will be 2 in Dec. Fingers crossed! I did go to the Ren Faire in WI twice this summer. Both days were hot. 1st wasn't as bad as the 2nd. Heh it's the only thing I put up the heat with. Since I have a neuropathy type condition. I managed somehow. Then we had a couple of 100 degree days without heat index (it's humid here) so I laugh at those days now. I would not have been able to do Faire. I'm still amazed at the workers too. I can't imagine. I hate the heat. Why I'm going again in Oct at the PA one. Meeting some people from the Slayers Discord and going as Lina. I've started the costume! My niece was here for one of the times I went and she asked what character I was being, but she meant for that one. Lol she actually is sewing and made her own shirt and skirt but got hot about an hr in. Which I figured. Dad wanted to take her to the Mud Show, where they end up eating mud at the end. It's pretty raunchy and they forgot it was that much. My niece is 9 and went "Why did you bring me to this?" Lol but she loved the shops of course. She didn't eat a whole lot which is weird for her. She also had a cold that week and them I got it. 🥲 but then the following weekend I went with my cousin and we nearly died from the heat. She really hates it too and we were done by 1. Usually we stay a little later. Hoping to spend longer in Oct, since it'll be cooler. Plus I'll be in costume. I have the cape almost done! I have to still get the wig and the rest of the shoulder guards and accessories. But I have all of the fabric. I'm actually learning to sew again because it's been awhile and I should know. Got the pattern from someone on chat who is an amazing seamstress so I know it's good. I can always ask my SIL too for help since she's made her own Lolita dresses before. Well, that's pretty much all. Still working on art and now I'm working on an OC since I am done with fics for awhile. I am excited because it's been a bit since I wrote and original story. Her name is Soraeya and she is half angel and half dragon. I'm having fun. Well, that has been an update!

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sailorstarr-chan4 · 2 years

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God, I wish I could enjoy reading/writing Inuyasha fics again.

I was gonna keep this just in my tags, but fuck it.

I literally, almost physically, cannot look up or click on Inuyasha fics anymore. The few exceptions I made in 2020-2021 are incredibly few and sparsely in-between, especially after Yashahime's announcement.

I can't even reread old faves.

I barely skim my own, and only as an exercise of "I need to work on my WIPs, lemme glance over what I've got."

Hell, I downright sometimes feel physically ill, or at the very least, on the verge of a panic attack, when I do try to look up fics! I straight up blocked the Inuyasha tag for almost the first half of 2021 because even fan art (fucking fan art!!) was making me feel horrible and nasty and uncomfortable AF.

(And no, not because of the existence of That One Ship because I could not give less of a shit - and barely saw much of it in my sphere anyway - so much as the absolute madhouse that centered around said ship, the mud-slinging over the fact that people liked or disliked it/Yashahime as a whole, and even neutrals like me getting attacked over daring to not give a fuck.

How BOTH sides were claiming "I'm being stalked and harassed!!!!!" and yet no one seems to agree which side is "worse" in terms of behavior because it got so out of hand so disgustingly fast and for so. fucking. long.)

In short, this fandom's drama has thoroughly and unequivocally destroyed my love of Inuyasha fics.

And that's a damn fucking shame.

Because I LOVED those fics. I loved the post-canon fluff and smut. I loved the AUs, Inuyasha being one of the very few fandoms I can even entertain the idea of OOC AUs with. I loved the fans' passion, the giggling on Discord, the Horniness on Main, the ideas and brainstorming, etc.

And fuck it I'll say it, I fucking LOVED MY fics!! Writing Inuyasha fics brought me so much joy and life to my stale writing career at that point! I had my writing on hold for years, because I was getting nowhere with my original stuff, until my fiancé-then-boyfriend encouraged me to give fanfiction a try.

I want that back. I want all of that back.

Despite my very complicated, salty, and depressed relationship with the fandom now, if I were to write for Inuyasha again, it would probably only be for finishing An Unexpected Encounter, Prince of Thieves, and Shards of the Sea. Who can say what the future holds beyond that, but that's how it feels now. I only haven't completely divorced myself from the fandom because of the handful of people I chat with on Discord and my loyalty to my dusty ol' WIPs.

Because here's the kicker: the drama did more than kill my love for Inuyasha fics: it made writing ANYTHING AT ALL nearly impossible.

By some miracle, reading other fandom's fics was no problem (thank you, Harry Potter and Disney fandoms, for being my saving grace for the past 2 years 😭😭😭), but writing..... was stagnated, to say the least.

Did I manage SOME writing in the past 2 years? By the skin of my teeth, yes, but there's been no "new" updates in almost a year, and basically a year before that. (Discounting Tied Together and Bonds Across Time, since they became mini-archives for older sketches lol)

Idk I just.... I just needed to vent. The fact that people are STILL screaming down each others' throats, the fact that ancient discourse on the original series is STILL being recycled and rehashed, the fact that seeing people punching out fics in spite of it all makes me so ashamed and pathetic and tiny.....

Why can't we all just get along? Why can't shippers go ship their thing and mind their own business, and people who don't like it can block their NOTPs and not endlessly rag on it? Why can't people just watch a stupid fucking anime in peace? Why can't fandoms be just for fun and not add to the stress of an already burning world?

#Starling ramblings #this post was brought to you by chatting on Discord for the first time in forever and remembering how fucking dumb the drama is #and just.... feeling kinda sad and nostalgic I guess

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