#If that anon's reading this then I hope you unplug yourself from social media because this is NOT working out for you or anyone you talk to

[captdedeyes]

That last anon was EXACTLY who I thought it was and the conversation I had with them in the DMs was SO bad that I have to turn off anon asks on this blog.

I'm sorry, everyone, but I'm not risking that anymore, this is the second time I bumped into them via an anon ask and I never wanna see them again >:(

#If that anon's reading this then I hope you unplug yourself from social media because this is NOT working out for you or anyone you talk to #I'm sorry yall I thought I was over it but I'm not...at least not yet #I deleted that ask btw cuz they REALLY cause my emotions to spiral out of control

[thenurseholliday]

I'm really hesitant to ask this, but I wanted to know what was your deciding factor when you deleted your stories? I've been considering deleting my stuff off A03, but keep going back and forth. When did you know it was the right decision? I just feel like its not worth it anymore.

Man, oh man. First off, I want to say that I’m unbelievably sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. I’ve been staring at this ask in my inbox for days trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say to you. I understand why you wanted to come to me as an anon, but I have to admit that I wish I knew who you were. The reason why? Because I would love to give you a massive fucking hug.

I’m so sorry you are in this position. I’m so sorry you feel this way. I can understand the ‘back and forth’ and believe me that uncertainty when making a decision like this is natural. I cannot tell you how many times I sat there staring at the screen with my finger hovering over the button. It is a hard fucking decision to make, but that decision is solely and completely yours. I cannot pretend that I know exactly what you are feeling or why you’ve been considering this. Your ask is simply a short question. Albeit an important question. Although I can speculate as what has brought you to my inbox and what happened, that isn’t fair to you. I can only draw from my own experiences.

Now for me, deleting my stories was what was right for my situation, and honestly, I do not regret that decision for a second. It was the BEST thing I’ve ever done. But I want to let you know that it is not the only option out there. You have a ton of choices.

Have you reached out to mutuals to talk about this? Having someone to talk to can be such a relief. Even just getting it off your chest. Maybe there is a reason you are feeling the way you are and you just don’t realize it?! Someone who is outside looking in might have a POV you hadn’t considered before. Having a good support system, even if it’s small, is so important in this environment.

Have you considered taking a step away from social media for a while? It’s hard to do at times, but taking a solid break can really open your eyes. Take some time for just you. Take a break. If it doesn’t make things clearer, it’ll all still be there when you get back. The oversaturation of media and negativity can wreck your psyche. Unplugging and just resetting can do wonders.

Have you considered orphaning your work on A03? This is an option not everyone is super knowledgable about. It might not be for you, and that’s completely okay! Orphaning allows you to effectively wash your hands of the story without deleting it. Take some time to really consider what you want from deleting your work. What do you hope to achieve? Do you need mental peace? Do you have anxiety about the stories being up? Do you just want the ownership to go away? Are you trying to pursue publishing? Take some time, write a list, figure out what you need. Take care of yourself first.

If all else fails and you decide you want to pull the stories. Please! Please be gentle with yourself. It’s heartbreaking to do. It’s emotionally exhausting. Know that even if you make that decision, it doesn’t mean it’s the end of the road for you. 

Do you still like to write? Good. Keep writing. Writing is therapeutic and if it brings you joy, don’t stop.

Do you still like to write for your ship? Good. Keep writing for your ship. Just because you don’t post publicly doesn’t mean you can’t send stuff to friends, you can’t share the things you love. You will find there are people out there who genuinely care about you and will support you no matter what. I know I have, and I don’t know what I would’ve done without the amazing ladies that I’m lucky enough to call my friends. Who’ve been supportive, who’ve brainstormed, and flailed, and edited, and read the countless things that came out of my head. Sorry, that got emotional, that wasn’t my intent. What I’m trying to say is there are options for you to share and enjoy your ship even if you do delete.

I also want to take a moment to say, if you are comfortable with it, please DM me directly. I won’t share who you are, and I will keep anything you’d like to discuss in complete confidence. This decision is hard, and I will absolutely be willing to listen to anything you have to say. I get that sometimes the worst thing you can hear is ‘OMG DON’T DO IT’. Sometimes you just need someone to listen. I’m here if you need me.

I know that’s not much, but keep your chin up. Whatever is going on, you’re going to get through this. I promise you.