#It's just that medschool is killing me and there's just too much stuff to learn and I'm struggling so badly with it that at the end of the

[missshame]

I hate studying I just wanna create stuff and see the world I hate how little control I have over my life

#Let's make it clear I know I'm lucky to get higher education and I'm grateful for it + knowledge can be the greatest tool #It's just that medschool is killing me and there's just too much stuff to learn and I'm struggling so badly with it that at the end of the #day it feels like I'm not learning anything and I'm completely dumb and uneducated #I'm not even a good student but it takes all my energy and even when I'm not studying I rarely have the energy to do anything #The only thing I sorta do consistently is working out because it makes my brain shut up for a while and it helps the muscle pain I got from #All the stress and sitting at my desk/working long days at the hospital #Anyway I love complaining sorry #I just feel like I had /have a very creative artsy nature and I'm really suffering from the lack of it like not in a I don't have enough #time for my hobbies and to relax #Which is already bad enough btw I don't think it should be considered normal for anyone to be too exhausted to do anything outside of work #But I really feel it in a I'm not myself anymore it's hard to move forward and build confidence and a sense of self while having a life so #far away from what you love and feel like you need + denying yourself what you desire the most can't be good to your brain let's face it #Anyway long story short first thing I'm gonna do when I finally get my degree is by me some drums learn the guitar and paint on the walls #And in the meanwhile Idk do I keep living this way? If I do will I go completely insane? #Or do gift myself the right to give up on the idea of being a slightly less bad student and do I say fuck it and start living my life now ? #Idk! Idddkkk !!! #Oh my god