#Kinda trying to avoid words bc I don't want this to be thrown into searches

[zoekrystall]

Added more in my pinned post and accidentally talked too much in the tags to hit the limit whoops. Added that txt yesterday bc I saw people primarily (some only) sharing donation links. Can you tell when I wrote stuff was I just ever so slightly irritated by all the emotions talk. Which yknow I get feeling angry and whatnot but I am specifically talking abt the stuff w "how can you not feel _". Idk if I already talked abt it or deleted it before hitting post some other time I think I did. Also was irritated by all the people yelling at people for being triggered like if you don't know the difference between discomfort and triggered do I not want you near me. That difference is very significant.

Idk man I am just tired of people equating empathy w humanity the most. I'm really glad I hardened up more bc I just think abt 2020 where I think I got first truly radicalized or/and learned a fuck ton but also all that guilt tripping and all made the already bad mental health further nosedive and that is just not sustainable neither for the cause or us. Like yes sharing and all actions that do help are important but it's also important to step away and do anything else to not burn out in like a day or two. Luckily the people that get followed got shaken up a bit and dash and rbs get focused more on positivity in general since then and that def helped long term (was gen "would _ rb that" "would _ scold if I would rb that" until it became a no brainer when my lifeline wasn't there. not the time to gush but fuck do I think I would still be in the same mud without him). Still not the best but better than then so sharing is easier on the mental health.

I feel. So weird for not being able to feel empathy for others but def feel it when others irritate me. Yeah I feel bad when I don't feel anything but what does it bring to force myself to feel something. I already knew in 2020 that the trying to force myself was empty I only felt like I have to try to feel awful bc of all the guilt tripping. It's hard to explain how it feels I think it's such a strange feeling. Anyways I'm at least aware enough to know if I get irritated around this I shouldn't constantly be vocal abt it bc it really does not matter in the grand scheme of things this is the only post and if further will I just on private bc no-one needs to see that but sometimes venting is needed.

I'm only really talking abt that bc reg the trigger stuff like ffs people still need to be able to function and there are things to do without getting triggered if the heavy topics are what do it. Also the people that want to help through sharing those can look at that if they know what they'll see and can get prepared first. I got ptsd doesn't mean I never ever look at any triggering stuff ever again I just need to be in the headspace and a heads up would always be very good. Really wish twt would do it like here w not completely not showing the tweet (minus in replies where you can click to show) if it has smth muted but saying "yo this post got this muted thing ya wanna see it". Like. People getting triggered are absolutely not the same people bitching bc they're just uncomfortable. The latter are the bad ones I do agree but know the fucking difference. Feeling uncomfortable just living happens like daily for the most standard reason so feeling that abt a horrendous situation should be a given. You however shouldn't get triggered daily. Also yes we can admire the people there but not everyone is as strong you shouldn't guilt them into dealing w more than they can. I'm gen (starting to consider, already did a few though) immediately blocking everyone posting that stuff esp the aggressive ones. I do not care if you have x or y not everyone experiences things the exact same way. I am being so good abt holding back insults.

And reg the emotions thing like people learn not everyone feels empathy and that it doesn't make people anything bad and that actions count challenge. Not everyone w aspd for example is automatically a evil person. What matters is if they talk abt things and if they genuinely stand behind them. Idk if I speak for most or if just past self but writing in all caps "how can you not feel bad/sad/angry/etc at seeing [atrocity, usually as video attached]" will make people not magically care if they didn't prior it'll just irritate them and scroll away. Factual information is what can make people turn around more (like, literally just share without that commentary for example). So many "both sides bad" focus on emotions afaik. Compassion, empathy, etc for both. There are people that see and feel bad abt what happens to them but still say both sides bad.

I'm tired I'll likely sleep now but yeah I just. Wanted to write abt it and get it out ig. Rb disabled and I won't bad faith argument idc if any of this sounded privileged to you. I can prob write all this way more eloquent but man idc this isn't a post that is supposed to spread and I wrote this while being sleepy. I also think there is, for individual people that aren't big names, some nuance reg having to talk abt something and being allowed to not engage in every important topic but 1 that is too complex to just kinda ramble about 2 this current event is less nuanced reg that I def think try to share as much as you can even if just occasionally. I think I only don't like it bc not saying anything online doesn't equal not doing anything. Someone could go to every protest they can and write and call but just not using their socials bc that takes their energy enough or smth. And some have multiple accs and only focus spreading it on their main (and/or w the biggest following, which should be used). I think that is what specifically gets me. But yeah didn't think abt it enough to form enough abt it and also maybe talking more abt it when this is over bc how I said it is less complicated rn. And. Yknow. When I am not tired as hell.

#a wild lux appears #I'm primarily on twt active reg all this and man would I love to pin other people's posts esp the info threads there #But alas I do not have the energy and I know anxiety would skyrocket if a own thread would be made to pin #Why can you pin posts from others on here but not on twt man #If I ever want to rant further will I do it on the other blog that can't be searched bc I am aware that's not the most important thing #I rather just avoid. maybe rb someone who said it way more eloquent than I could. and rather share other posts directly abt this #Kinda trying to avoid words bc I don't want this to be thrown into searches #We all know abt what country I talk abt but this post is irrelevant if someone searches the name #Hate how searches include the whole post and not just the damn tags #'that' 'this' and all it sounds so ridiculous but alas. I do not want this searchable