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blogyesican · 3 years

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Chapter 13

Love

“Scientific evidence suggests that what we call “love” is the result of the release of successive waves of chemicals in our body: first the gender hormones of testosterone and estrogen; then adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin, which give us bursts of energy and sleeplessness and cause us to think nonstop about the person to whom we’re attracted; and finally the “cuddle” hormone oxytocin and its partner vasopressin, which promote long-term attachment.” (Janaro & Altshuler p. 356)

I chose this to be my first quote because it grabbed my attention on the very first page of this chapter. Don’t mind the pun, but I absolutely love love. It’s awesome to think the chemicals in our bodies actually determine who we love. I wonder what sparks to make us feel love. It probably sounds ridiculous but I truly feel like I have been in love 3 times, with 3 different boys obviously, all within the span of 5 years. I know what you are thinking already, yes I had sexual relations with each one from the ages of 13-17. The years might not add up because I fell in love when I was 11/12, hence why I said 5 years. I still am deeply attached to all 3 of the boys but I don’t speak to any of them anymore other than one, my last boyfriend Michael. My first boyfriend’s name was Mark and we dated from the ages (for me because he was a grade above me) from 11-14. We broke up because I did something bad which I can explain more in my next blog entry about “adultery” or cheating in my case. The next boy friend (not boyfriend) who I fell in love with name’s David. His family is from Boston just like me and my family so think we would have been perfect for each other, right? Not. He met my best friend before he met me and they were an item before I even got the chance. That is yet another story for my next blog post on “adultery” or cheating. David and I loved each other but it couldn’t work out between us. And lastly, Michael. I feel the most about him and David the most now, but Mark was my first love. Anyway I felt most connected with Michael out of all 3 boys and I still feel that way. Let me tell you about long-term attachment!

Pictured: Mark & I

Pictured: David & I

Pictured: Michael & I

“In many circles today, sexual encounters are assumed to be be of brief duration, and relationships with numerous partners are accepted standard behavior. Freedom to engage in such relationships does not, however, mean that ending them is always painless.” (Janaro & Altshuler p. 361)

I chose this quote as my second quote because I had a lot to say on the topic of adultery and/or cheating. I just want to first put there that cheating does not always mean they don’t love the person they cheated on. Most of the time the individual who is doing the cheating feels very guilty, as did I in my 2 real life examples that happened to me. The summer before going into high school was my first time, you know, with Mark. First of all I know I was very young but we both felt like we were going to be together forever, like the foolish kids we were. One Friday night my freshman year, Mark and I would have a sleepover at his friends house (shh don’t tell my parents, they still don’t know I was doing that). However, Mark could not stay the night at his friends house that night but I could not ask my parents to get me because I had already told them I was in my friends house when in reality I was at the pool with Mark and his friend waiting for it to get dark so I could sneak in the window. And then Mark got picked up and he gave me the permission to sleep on his friends bedroom floor so that is what I did. I ended up kissing his best friend that night and then I immediately felt sick and swore to never speak of it again. Long to make a story short, his best friend ended up dating my best friend and one day they got in a fight over the phone and Marks best friend told my best friend that him and I kissed one night. So my best friend ended up telling Mark and then he broke up with me. I still regret that day. The second incident was about David and one of my best friends. (Keep in mind this is a year after Mark and I lost all my friends over the Mark thing so I got new friends who partied). 3rd of July night I was with my best friend, David, and 2 of his friends drinking on the beach. Everyone was pretty spread out and it was pitch black and then David comes over to me and sits down and drunkenly says that if he knew I was an option then he would have picked me over my best friend and then I said the same but in reverse (if he met me first and not my friend). That night I ended up sleeping over that best friends house but she was living with David because they were dating and her mom moved away so his parents let her live with them. So later on in the early morning hours of the 4th of July, I was craving a cigarette (no I don’t smoke anymore) so I look to see if there were any on Davids lanai and there was not any but David was out there and he was smoking one so I went out and asked him to hit it and he said yes but only if I kissed him and I did. It was just the beginning of something much bigger than what we had ever expected. We were sneaking around my best friend and his girlfriend to see each other. That is my biggest regret, more than Mark, I lost both of my best friends that day she found out a few months later. I feel terrible about it to this day and it happened in 2015. Michael has nothing to do with cheating but if you were wondering, he came after mark for one week over spring break (my spring fling 2014), and then that next summer I kissed David. Technically he came after Mark, and after David if that makes sense. I could talk about my loves for days but I will stop.

“In Margaret Atwood’s novel The Handmaid’s Tale (1985), all rights have been taken from women. They are denied education, careers of their choice, and the ability to choose a mate based on love. The handmaid of the title is a slave who must always wear an identifying garment; her name, Offred, means she is owned by a man named Fred. When they have sex, as is required when a handmaid is in her fertile period, Fred’s wife is present to oversee the process. The child will then belong to the husband and wife. Atwood shows that the powers of the state, even in a democracy, can be used as instruments of oppression against those deemed undesirable.” (Janaro & Altshuler p. 380)

I chose to end with this quote for this chapter of love because I LOVE the show on Hulu, The Handmaid’s Tales and I enjoyed the section reading of “Imagining a World without Love.” I do not want to get all philosophical but I believe we were created to reproduce. The way humans find their mates is by who we are attracted to and that is what drives our instincts to want to reproduce. I feel like everything happens for a reason. All of the reasons why something didn’t work out with a boyfriend/girlfriend, leads you to the bigger picture and you find someone else who sparks your interests. I believe my reason for being here is to love and to offer love to those who are in need of it. Imagining a world without love? I could never! I just wanted to say, by far this has been one of my favorite chapters so far in the book. I enjoy the readings every week because I am always learning something new about the humanities.

Works Cited

First picture: What Is Love ? (Scientifically Speaking). 13 Mar. 2017, guernseydonkey.com/what-is-love-scientifically-speaking/.

Second picture: Savin, Jennifer. “The Scientific Theory Why Breakups Hurt More When You're Younger.” Cosmopolitan, Cosmopolitan, 21 Oct. 2019, www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/a29513628/breakups-heartbreak-worse-younger/.

Third picture: “The Handmaid's Tale's Race Problem.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 31 July 2017, www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/jul/31/the-handmaids-tales-race-problem.

Janaro, R. P., Altshuler, T. C. (2017) The Art of Being Human: The Humanities as a Technique for Living. Boston, MA: Pearson.

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