#SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DI E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE JUST WANTS THE PAIN TO STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRR AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[bylertruther]

me when i casually watch max just barely escape death in 4x04 with my brain purposely turned all the way off: teehee i love television and moving images<3

me when i forget to turn off my brain and watch that same scene with the knowledge that it is representative of many things including depression survivors guilt and suicide ideation and max says "you're not really here" which can be symbolic of denial and he tells her "oh, but i am, max. i am." bc he is literally trauma personified and her isolating and turning a blind eye to her own misery doesn't make it go away it only makes it fester and kate bush is crooning in the background about switching places if she could while all of her friends are shouting for her to come back down scared out of their minds for her as they all try to figure out a way to save her and she starts seeing all the times she felt truly loved and happy start to flash before her eyes because she doesn't Actually want to die she just wants to be happy like that again and feels like she can't and and and

#jesus fucking christ. #THAT SCENE IS SO........................................ #SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DI E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE JUST WANTS THE PAIN TO STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRRR AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #RIPS MY HAIR OUT AND FALLS TO MY KNEES AND TURNS INTO A PUDDLE AND WEEPS AND SOBS AND WAILS AND AND AND